by Cheryl W.
Member since:
December 10, 2005

A Bit of a Rant

January 09, 2009 01:27 PM EST
views: 93 | comments: 34

My job is so interesting and I really enjoy it.  I love helping people, knowing that I am making a difference in their lives.

I work in a maternity home.  Most of the clients are between the ages of 18 and 25.  Most have had difficult lives.  Some grew up in the foster care system.  Others came to us from a homeless situation.  Others are getting clean from drugs and alcohol.

We provide shelter, meals, support and we are a liason to other agencies which help them get on their feet so that they can be independent by the time their babies are born.  In return, all that we ask is that they obey the house rules (which are few)...and also participate in doing a daily assigned chore, as well as keeping their rooms neat and tidy.

Some of the clients are so grateful and appreciative.  They are more than happy to do whatever they can to help out, knowing that they are blessed to be in a place where they have so much care and support.

But some of these clients make me downright angry.  I know that they are somewhat hardened due to the lives they have lived...but would it hurt to at least show an ounce of appreciation and respect?   I have had doors slammed in my face, been called names and been told to shut up.  (and this is just for reminding them to do their chores before they leave the home for the day).  They roll their eyes at me and make rude comments and gestures that would have made my mother give me a hearty smack across the cheek.

I can't understand why they have such a sense of entitlement.  It is as if the world owes them and they have to do absolutely nothing to improve their situations.  To go from living on the street into a caring place with a roof over  your head should open their eyes and make them appreciative.  I just don't get it.

I feel sorry for the ones who are so unappreciative.  They are going to have a very difficult time in this life if they don't change their attitudes.

Sometimes I wonder if they are this way to me because I am a rather gentle spirit.  I don't yell or nag.  I am positive and usually have a smile on my face.  Sometimes I think my happiness gets on their nerves.  Who knows?  I'm still trying to figure it out.  It is definitely a learning experience...

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Comments: 34

Leah Christensen Jan 9, 2009, 1:29pm EST
Some people are just easier to help than others.
Vivian P. Jan 9, 2009, 1:31pm EST
The sad thing is most of these unappreciative are the ones who need you to be cheerful
Alison H. Jan 9, 2009, 1:32pm EST
It is unfortunate that some just don't get it and may need to go back to the "school of hard knocks" for a few more lessons. And we have to wonder what kind of parent they will make. Guess we are all works in progress, though.
Larry H. Jan 9, 2009, 1:33pm EST
THANKS FOR SHARING
Alta B. Jan 9, 2009, 1:34pm EST
You are a blessing to them all!
Nora Davenport Jan 9, 2009, 1:35pm EST
Wow, Cheryl, it sounds like you have a fascinating, and challenging, job!!!! Unfortunately, there are always going to be those unappreciative people around, who think that the world owes them a life. I'm sure it makes your job even more difficult at times.....however, at least the majority seem to be very appreciative of all your help. Maybe the others are jealous because you are such a gentle spirt and a happy person!!!
Shannon W Jan 9, 2009, 1:43pm EST
That sounds like a hard job emotionally to do. You sound like you are very good at it. They are lucky to have someone who cares.
Sandra Creason Jan 9, 2009, 1:46pm EST
It does sound like you have a very interesting job Cheryl, and a good one at that. It must be hard being treated so disrespectfully, but think of it this way: If you've had a hard life, you're probably going to have a lot of trust issues. You seem like a very upbeat, likeable person. It is possible that they ARE appreciative, and as nice as you are they find themselves liking you - but that takes trust, and to people who've been through a lot, trust = hurt, and that's scary. So they try that much harder to be mean so that maybe you'll be mean right back and they don't have to worry about being vulnerable by liking you. It may not be the case with all of them, but for some, I'm sure after some time of you keeping your positive attitude, it will rub off.

Take heart, try not to take it personally - and keep in mind all the people who DO show gratitude when someone makes you feel bad by being hateful. Sounds like you're doing a great job! Thanks for sharing :)
Connie L. Jan 9, 2009, 1:46pm EST
Your happiness could very well be envied by them, but you are entitled to it. I have been around people like you describe. And....I now am enrolled in a human services program that is training just for the type of job you describe here. We are constantly warned of burn-out in these types of jobs. It is easy to burn out when you rarely receive a good word for all the good you do for troubled youth and others. I don't know if I can take it or not.
Elaine S. Jan 9, 2009, 2:03pm EST
They're the ones with many walls built up and they have no one to hold them when they cry.sooooooo they stay hard because they know walls only fall with tears.
Jessica S. Jan 9, 2009, 2:10pm EST
you are right to feel sorry for those who are hurtful and unappreciative... they will have a harder time finding the successul path... just keep doing what you do, cheryl. :)
William Dotani Jan 9, 2009, 2:12pm EST
Their poor attitude is why they are in this situation. Lack of hope can make a person act with rude bitterness.
Marilyn M. Jan 9, 2009, 2:20pm EST
Bless your heart, Cheryl. You're doing good for each of the young women, even those who don't show any appreciation. Years from now, they're probably the onese who will tell about the wonderful woman who helped them at the home.
Cheryl W. Jan 9, 2009, 2:22pm EST
Sandra...this is soo true. When I worked with foster children, they had such a difficult time trusting. They would test me and test me to see if I would reject them or hurt them as their parents had hurt and rejected them. Slowly, they began to learn that they could trust me and that nothing they could do would make me desert them. Being vulnerable is difficult when you have been hurt so many times...
flit . Jan 9, 2009, 2:28pm EST
definitely challenging .... but even when they don't show it, I'm sure they are benefitting from the attention and positive role modeling you're providing
Ann W. Jan 9, 2009, 2:34pm EST
It must be hard - for both you and them. What a blessing for them to have you in their lives right now, even if some of them cannot appreciate. Perhaps, God willing, one day they will.

Keep on doing what you are doing, and take extra satisfaction knowing that continuing to help the ones who are less appreciative and still treating them with respect and a cheerful demeanor is what makes you a real angel :)
Lisa Frost Jan 9, 2009, 2:57pm EST
It is hard to be in a place where so many need so much, especially when some refuse to realize the chance they are being given, it makes it much more difficult.
Wade A. Jan 9, 2009, 5:31pm EST
The world owes nothing to no one and if these people can't respect and appreciate what people like you are trying to do for them then they have become the problem. I can only take heart in the fact that there are people like you Cheryl who are willing to put their differences aside and offer charity to the lost souls. Thank you!
Janie E. Jan 9, 2009, 5:57pm EST
Yes, Cheryl, some people are just ungrateful creatures, as my MIL used to say. You have a good heart and a great disposition!!!! Focus on the people who are truly appreciative and pay no mind to the ones who aren't!!
Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Jan 9, 2009, 8:35pm EST
And what a well-deserved rant it is!

I think they need some tough love. If they can't follow the rules, respectfully, they shouldn't be there. As you probably know, I'm all for helping people who need help, and for second chances. But I think personal responsibility is also an important lesson that they need to master before their babies are born.
Priscilla P. Jan 9, 2009, 9:24pm EST
Sadly, it is the bad apples that ruin the experience for many
Priscilla P. Jan 9, 2009, 9:26pm EST
Maybe a three strikes and out are OUT would help
Karen M. Jan 9, 2009, 10:12pm EST
It has to be a challenge..they are lucky to have you
Cheryl W. Jan 9, 2009, 11:06pm EST
Thanks everyone..for the supportive comments. I have to say that at times I feel at a loss with them. I don't take their disrespect personally... but I truly fear for them. One day they are going to show that disrespect and hostility to the wrong person. And to think that they are going to have babies soon is even more scary...
Kris P. Jan 9, 2009, 11:29pm EST
Cheryl you are in a position to provide them with a positive experience and example for the future. I really believe that for most of them they will look back and be grateful for your patience with them and follow your lead as they become more mature. Sometimes it feels like a thankless job, but you continue to smile because you know in your heart it is what they need, you are a loving and caring person. I have been told (criticized) that I was “trying to save the world", it hurt, but would I do anything different? No, because in my heart it is the right thing to do, who I am. You too are making a difference in their lives! You are the very best person for them to learn from, I really believe that.
Sandy (Site Psychic™) Knauer Jan 9, 2009, 11:47pm EST
Cheryl, I doubt they mean it personally, but that doesn't make it okay. Not for your sake or theirs. Our kids don't mean to harm us personally when they don't follow the rules but we know we aren't doing them any favors by allowing them to continue making the same mistakes. They need to learn now that they are responsible for their actions, and you need an emotionally safe work environment. If they don't learn responsibility now, they'll probably end up continuing more pregnancies that they shouldn't have started.
Bert Van Essen Jan 10, 2009, 8:16am EST
Be a still patient caring person. Don't feel you are doing wrong. By the time a woman is pregnant they give up the choice to be a spoiled brat they have to be responsible.
Kevin E. Jan 10, 2009, 9:18am EST
Cheryl I have seen that attitude as a teacher in 3 parts of the country, the northwest, west and now the south. I label it the "welfare mentality" I have been on welfare while in college and food stamps for the first 2 years as a teacher so I don't believe it's welfare alone but somewhere along the way there are people who feel that they are owed something. I have noticed that this attitude is even among some who enter our country illegally. It makes my job tougher. Only thing I can say is thank God for people like you!
R B Jan 10, 2009, 9:30am EST
Good luck if you ever figure out human nature.
Cheryl W. Jan 10, 2009, 5:07pm EST
Thanks everyone. Wonderful, thought provoking comments!
Glome . . . Jan 11, 2009, 11:00am EST
A little late to the party ... Society has become very humanistic (which has it's good side) which has an over riding philosophy of babying and catering to people that refuse to act responsibly. It hurts those very people.
Just because they've been hurt doesn't mean they should be given a license to disrespect people and flaunt rules. That isn't loving them.
I think you naturally react in a loving way. By treating them with respect and love but insisting on them obey the few laws set out for them. By looking for opportunites to give physical and verbal love after discipline or at other times when they least deserve it and when your job doesn't necessarily require it. When they see you responding to good rules of society and being steady in spite of who they are. Requiring good conduct BECAUSE they have great value will teach them more than license.
You are the perfect person for the job.
Jana B. Jan 12, 2009, 1:27am EST
People in need are sometimes kind, pleasant, reasonable, deserving, and decent. But often (just like the rest of humanity) they are unkind, unpleasant, unreasonable. . . . Compassion is a challenging practice. It is tremendously difficult to remain open to others, without judgement, while at the same time not allowing oneself to be a doormat, and not enabling another's pathology. Take tender care of yourself, and reach out to others who can support you, the care-provider. Blessings on you and your work.
Ankica S. Jan 14, 2009, 3:29am EST
I like this part of your text:
"I am positive and usually have a smile on my face. Sometimes I think my happiness gets on their nerves. Who knows? I'm still trying to figure it out. "
You really care about the feeling of others, and you will find your way to their hearts.I'm sure about that.
Tamara L~will view, may comment~ S. Jan 15, 2009, 11:07pm EST
I think what you are doing is the right thing. They need to follow the rules. Everybody here pretty much summed it up. Just keep on smiling, and it'll eventually catch on.

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