Have you ever had one of those days?

The kind that everything seems to go to heck, so much so you begin to actually laugh about it halfway through?

I just had one of those days...and it started at midnight last night, when I heard the unmistakable ringing of  the voicemail on my cell phone. (it is a different ring) Startled awake, I wondered what the he**? Why am I getting a voicemail? And why didn't I hear the normal ring, before it kicks over to voicemail ?

This can't be good. NO ONE calls at midnight unless something bad has happened. Tripping over the dog and accidently kicking the cat, I stumbled/ran to the kitchen and my phone, all the while wondering what happened.

Was it my 19 year old son who keeps weird hours with his friends? Could it be my ex-wife, in regards to my 17 year old daughter, who was recently found to be sneaking out of the house to meet with her new boyfriend at night? Or maybe my 90 year old Aunt (which I think of as my second mom) whose health has been failing as of late? Perhaps my recently widowed sister, whose job takes her through downtown Detroit every night? Or my other sister who just lost her boyfriend of 25 years that I told if you want or need to call me, do so, anytime? 

 The better half, by now, is wide awake and thinking of her father three states away with health issues, etc.

 I reached my phone and opened it up to see who called, to find I have recieved a TEXT MESSAGE from my cell provider (I won't mention names but it rhymes with Cellular Done) telling me the good news that if I add an additional line to my contract they will GIVE me a latest and greatest phone that even has an MP3 PLAYER!! See store for details.

 Oh you betcha, I'LL see the damn store.

It's now a little past midnight, I've already slept for about two hours (thereby giving me my second wind) and have just been startled awake by my phone, fearing the worst. I am also spun into a whole new demension of pi**ed off and have to be up at 4:30 to go to work. Try gettin' back to sleep like that.

I did sleep some, but awoke just WAITING for 9 o'clock and my first break at work so I can go to "the store".

Gravely eyed at 5 AM I was off to work and my just short of 30 minute commute. About halfway there I almost (as in just missed) hitting a skunk. He managed to spray the entire side (drivers side naturally) of my car leaving me with a wonderful TASTE in my mouth to start the day.

NOTE TO SKUNK- You didn't have to do that Pepe'...I was AVOIDING you. Besides if ONE of us wasn't out doodlin' around in the middle of the road at 5 AM, neither of us would have this problem would we??

I got to work, and Friday is my busiest day, so much so, I get there 15 minutes before the place is actually OPEN. (Did I mention I drive a bus for ten hours, and put on close to 300 miles a day? Another thing to consider on roughly 2 hours of sleep) Thursday is my normal day off, and I found that because my bus hadn't been used, someone relagated it to the back of the too small garage and stuck it in front first, meaning I had to move at least two other buses to get mine out (so much for my needed early start).

My first stop is a local bakery, where I pick up totes of bread and donuts to take to a grocery store some 35 miles away. This is a good thing...they always give me a couple free donuts and a big cup of coffee so strong you almost need a knife and fork. Ah, lots a sugar (donuts) and turbo coffee...that'll wake me up. Or so I thought till I seen I hadda park a half a block away, and carry back and forth 13 totes of baked goods (where I'd normally have 5 or so...8 tops) leaving me NO TIME to chisel a cup of coffeee outta the pot. Oh well, at least I had the donuts. JELLY donuts. I HATE jelly donuts.

My whole morning was pretty much any traffic light I came up on turned red, EVERYONE had to tow farm implements down the road, etc, and I wound up getting everyone to work and school about 15 minutes late. 

But at last it was break time, and I could visit my cellular provider. Mind you I have no problems with the people that WORK at the store, they have always been helpful, courteous and professional in every way. I wanted a PHONE NUMBER. I wanted to call whatever department my provider has on a corporate scale that sends out these messages and I was TAKING NO PRISONERS. I had it all rehearsed- 1) I'd get the required number from the store   2) I'd get ahold of someone there (I was hoping for the actual creton who texted me) and let them know where they could stick thier MP3 phone, as well as recommend a decent proctoligist to retrieve it.   3) I was going to make it VERY CLEAR that I would NOT be recieving any more ad texts, if they wished to keep getting my 80 bucks a month and     4) If I should EVER get another one at midnight, the better business bureau would be contacted as well. 

I entered the store and was asked by the store manager "May I help you?"

"I hope so, I need a phone number" I replied "and by the way do I look tired, per chance?"

Somewhat stunned by the question he said that, well,yes, I did look tired. I told him what had happened and requested a corparate phone number which I could call and yell real loud.

He told me that his company doesn't do that...hadda be from someone else. Who?? MIckey Mouse??! Second banana of the store took my phone and checked the message and told him that yes, in fact it was from thier company, and what model phone it was promoting, etc.

They then tried to get me to TAKE THE DEAL.

"You're not getting my point" I explained. "suppose your phone rang at midnight, what would you think?" (A light went on in the managers head, but I'm kinda sure second banana was thinking more like friends callin, lets party, etc., as he still didnt seem to understand. He sorta looked like he was waiting for me to TELL him)

 Now gimme a damn number. 

"We'll take care of it sir" I was told.

No, no, no way Johnny....I will NOT be denied this...gimme a damn number, which the manager reluctantly did.

I went to my car and dailed the number and waited for the moment I'd waited on and rehearsed since MIDNIGHT.

"Ello! Szank zhoo fhare coullings Zellular Vun, hkow may Eyie ealp zhoo?"  Said as if it were all ONE WORD came acroos my phone.

Lovely. Now I got BANGLEDESH on the line.

Side bar- For all of those that may be reading this that are Indian, Pakistany or any other fill-in-the istany origin understand I am NOT predjudiced in any way to ANYONE. I could care less if the person on the other end is white, black, brown, yellow or even PLAID as long as they can understand more than a few simple generic English sayings when I call customer service with issues, and this person DID NOT. She knew the greeting, please hold for a moment, and thank you...period.

I pay good money for services, I expect USEABLE customer service, I'm funny that way. I'm sure you would feel the same way if say the person you were talking to only spoke Hillbilly Swahili/Greek and you were trying to resolve a problem with three generic phrases.

 So sheepishly I went back in the store, tail between my legs and handed second banana my phone.

Go ahead, take care of the damn thing.

A few buttons were pushed on my phone, all the while explaing how at 78 1/2 speed (i'm at 33 1/3 and the sand man is beating me to death but I don't care by now)

So, I will recieve NO MORE MESSAGES, right?

Yes sir...it's all taken care of...you will get no more. I have sent them a message telling them no more advertisements.

I didn't get my moment in the sun, I was unable to bitch anyone out, but okay, thats all that matters, so back to work I went to eat my lunch.

I no sooner sat down and took one bite of my sandwich when my phone beeped...I had a message.

Turns out the message second banana sent "could not be delivered".

Luckily, the better half remembered a star, three digit number she was given last year when her phone would not work when she was out East, so I called that and was able to (hopefully) get my number taken off the list for ad messages. I am a big boy now, and should I need another line, say, I dunno, for the odd chance I grow a third ear that I want to accessorize with a phone I'll just hafta go to the store and see what they got.