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Smiles and  laughter these are all things I would love to do. I would even love a taste of happiness. So far life has given the sour  taste. Things have been quite dreadful. Where is the relaxing comfortable stage of life going to happen for me. When I rate life overall I have had it way below average. For the past two years all my downfalls and mistakes I can blame myself. I of course am a youngster. I understand I have alot more life to live. I feel like I am being sabotaged in life. It's like I can't keep friends. I am mad I been  punk all my life and no friends. I regret being a loner  and not making many friends. But at the same time some of the things I am not so proud of I was able to keep it away from people. On the same note at least I would have had somebody to defend me. I haven't been that successful with boyfriends either. I want to date a guy with a stable job and no kids which is hard to find. I seem to find myself at one of the worst spots. When I was younger I had better luck. I am searching for a way to prevent me from falling in with the norm. The avg African American female 17-25 in the lower class have one kid. I have been blessed with no kids and don't want a normal life like my friends. Since I don't have kids I want to travel. I would like to start in the state I live in moving from one city to another. I want to visit other states before I settle down with kids. My biggest problems stem from financial issues. I had the attitude in the beginning of my post highschool education journey. I lost that attitude. I lost focus. My motivation fell out the window. I am living in the world strugglin to live and find a job. I wonder what can I do about the money I already owe. I am so indecisive. Ata split second I change my mind about things. I am writing to gather to get some really good feedback. I realize that some of the Gatherers are very wise.