HOW TO FIX MY LOVE LIFE – HA! HA! HA!
How to fix my love life is not a winnable situation. Do not get me wrong. After what seems like an eternal ten years for a lady in her sexual prime approaching forty, I would love a warm body to curl up to. I dream of it. I even dream of it repeatedly with an abusive second husband who was at least spectacular in lovemaking. Last night I had an erotic dream that left me longing for him forgetting the physical and mental abuse he doled out against me in reality.
I remember the electricity that sparked between us when we met. He tried to ignore it but I could sense it inside. I gave him those sultry eyes and a devilish smile to match. I had recently lost sixty pounds and was looking fine for any man. It just so happens the man in the karate uniform who demanded I answer to him as, “Yes, sir,” lit the fire of passion inside me like no other. What was it about a man in uniform enforcing his control over me? It simply mesmerized me. I was determined he would be mine no matter how hard he resisted.
My flirtatiousness, by bulging bosoms, my long lean legs, and my come-hither attitude won out. I was more than he could resist. After three months of persistent sexual innuendoes, he finally gave in to his carnal desires. Oh, it was the most fantastic lovemaking I had ever experienced. Just as I had fantasized, he was unstoppable. I begged for more.
However, just as the newest wears off the sparkling diamond so did it off our lovemaking after we married. I was no longer desirable in his eyes. I wondered how this could be happening.
Then she appeared. He wanted a best friend for me in his town that was not my own. I should have been suspicious but I loved him with all my heart. She stayed over too many times. At one time he did not like me too drink, now he encouraged me to drink to the point of passing out. One night I awoke and caught them together. How could have I been so stupid?
Now, when a man approaches me I find myself scared of them. Unless they are 15 to 20 years younger than I am. This is because I feel I can train them the way I want them. Then I realize this would be no different from what I had before with him. He had me trained to his every beckoned command and he was not happy. Therefore, I would not be happy either. I wonder if love is worth fighting for anymore? I need to fight for loving myself first. Then maybe, possibly, God will send someone for me to share my love with in life. Maybe when I know the true meaning of love I can share it with someone else.
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Comments: 27
Keep standin' tall
The article is just soo cool, just like you friend, luv ya!!
I also must let you know that when the song, 'Signs, Signs, everywhere a sign' was out I was in the military and played it in the canteen to piss off the lifers'. So I took off my hat and said imagine that me workin for you! Thanks for the laugh.
Captain Ken, Yeehaw! 'Signs, Signs, everywhere a sign, Blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind, do this, don't do that, can't you read the signs!'
Remember these words serina and say them to yourself everyday, they are so very true.
hey guess whot just came on the radio the Corrs "I never really loved you anyway" is that a sign?
You've said it all right there, my friend. If you don't believe me, just go check out the article I posted today - My Greatest Vindictive Woman Story. Actually, when I was writing it, I thought about you and how you would enjoy it.
If you're not whole, you'll end up with a sledgehammer in hand, like I did.
With love,
Your Favorite Psych Nurse