Please Don't Encourage Misbehaving Children

I agree with you. You must realize that some parents don't know the rules of ettiquette in any situation. It starts at home, but you have to reinforce it by being in public situations. When both kids were really young, we made it a point to go out to a really nice restaurant at least once a year, where in advance, we would discuss fork placement, napkins, etc. I have a feeling most parents either don't know how to do this, or are too busy to try.

Joanne, I think that's the ONLY way to do it. My kids have been eating in "nicer" places since they were infants. Not 5 star places, I personally don't think children belong in FINE dining establishments.

Still, the only way mine have learned is by doing.

I love to take all 6 of mine out. It seems people expect them to misbehave, or for me to have no control at all. Well usually I don't need to control them. They do fine on their own.

They also can order their own food. Less work for me

I do agree! I was a waitress for years and I could tell you some stories! Since I was a waitress I made sure my kids behaved while out eating. When my kids made a mess, I cleaned it up. My two oldest children got jobs waiting tables when they were sixteen. They were appalled at how people let their children act while eating out.

I shame the mother and not the boy for his inappropriate behavior. That boy should not have been seated by himself, for safty and other reasons. He, as you had mentioned, was simply trying to get attention since his mother was ignoring him. I have 4 children under age 6, and sometimes they get ansy, but i do nip it in the bud! they know when they are choosing to behave, and they know there are consiquences for bad behavior.

Great points Selene. I think proper parenting is one of the most important markers/ indicators of positive societal progression. In this current culture of "anything goes", it appears that some parent have adopted an "anything goes" style of parenting.

I submit that this is not parenting at all.

Thanks for the insights.

When my kids were quite young I would send them invitations in the mail to dinner for a particular day and time, there was always and RSVP at the bottom to which they also replied in kind.

On the set date, they would come home from school and without being told, did all their homework, bathe and dressed in their 'Sunday best". It was really funny to see. They would go out the den/terrace door and ring the bell at the front door.

I greeted them, took coats if it was cold and they had worn them and etc.same as you would with adult guests. I served them ginger ale in wine glasses and I drank some wine and served a few crackers with cheeses, etc.

The dining table would be all set with tablecloth and cloth napkins, china, silver and crystal. Flowers and table setting would reflect the time of year.

The first time I did this it was because I wanted to know what manners they knew to use in a formal setting. I had always been told by parent's of their friends how nicely they acted when invited over and I wanted to witness this with my own eyes. After the first time, it became something I did about 4 times a year.

They never failed me. I was always so very proud of them and amazed at what they had picked up through the years.

Sonia M. - That was incredible. I love the way you do it.

One of my great-aunts advice to me on raising children: "Lead by example, correct with compassion, and teach with love." It seems to have worked for my 4 children (now young adults).

Thanks, Selene...........that was a long time ago. My "kids" are now 51, 49 and 47!!! but they all remember our 'formal dinner parties'

In this case the grounups are the ones to blame.

I wish that parents would take their children out of the restuarants or stores when they misbehave. It would make life more pleasant for the rest of us. I never let my kids do that sort of thing. I hate shopping or eating and having a child yelling or crying. It upsets me that parents do not care anymore.

Sonia, thanks for sharing that. It's a wonderful idea. I think I'll do something similar for my girls.

Wonderful input

I would rather go hungry (and leave the restaurant) then listen to a whining, screaming child.

I agree with you, Selene. The only thing I would say is that the "old" gentleman may have been hard of hearing. He may not have realized the little boy was yelling. I definitely blame the mother here. You can't leave your kid alone at the table. Besides being at risk for some serious child kidnapper/molester, they are also apt to run away, misbehave, etc.

I totally agree. I have 3 ramboncious children but they know when we go somewhere to eat or other public places they had better be on their best behaviour. It drives me nuts to be grocery store shopping and trying to think with sreaming kids all around. I understand that kids don't always behave, even mine have shown out in stores, but they are severely reprimanded and something they like is taken away for their bad behavior.

Well done! Too many parents le their children be brats. That way the children never learn to be civilized.

Sonia, I love what you did! It's a fantastic idea!

My mother served our evening meal in the dining room with real tablecloth and cloth napkins every day, and we were expected to behave every day. Breakfast and lunch were in the kitchen, more informal, but dinner was civilized. I have never had to be concerned about not knowing what to do in company.

Too many parents are too lazy. Too busy to teach their children is no excuse. If you are too busy to raise your children, you are just plain too busy. Time to do some serious looking at your priorities and cut some things out.

Thank you Nicole and Dorine.

Nicole, try it. Your kids will remember it for ever and they will feel special

Dorine, growing up at home in Cuba all meals were formal with everyone at the dining table and my grandmother presiding. Paper napkins were unheard of at the time, at least in home use. We each had our own napkin rings and they were used on our cloth napkins for the day, then washed the next day. to this day, I always use cloth napkins and have a huge collection. Some I've made myself from colorful tropical patterned fabrics.

Somewhere in the website of a cheffy friend of mine, there is a little essay I wrote on this subject several years ago when he asked me to write a Peas & Q's "column" for him...I will have to do a seach and see if I can locate it.

"Too many parents are too lazy. Too busy to teach their children is no excuse. If you are too busy to raise your children, you are just plain too busy. Time to do some serious looking at your priorities and cut some things out."

I applaud that statement, Dorine. I've seen kids running around in restaurants while their parents ignored them. I remember as kids their age - we're talking 5-8 years old - I never RAN in a restaurant. What is that all about?

People who can't be bothered to teach their kids the right things just shouldn't have kids. Not everyone needs to reproduce.