Touring the George W. Bush Memorial Library

The George Bush Memorial Library Tour

Hello and welcome to the George W Bush Memorial Library!  My name is Bootsie, and I’ll be your guide today!  Now, are we all wearing our “I Love George” tee shirts?  Good. So let’s get through boring old security and then we can start with our tour this morning!

Please place your keys in the tray, check your guns and remove your shoes.

Bootsie

Please go single file through both the checkpoints.  A question?  Oh, what is the second gate for?  It checks your political affiliation.  How?  A simple scan to monitor brain activity...  We’re very proud of this new technology!  It, like, works every time!

Your Brain on Bush

Good, now the first room we will go in is the library where Mr. Bush’s book collection is stored.  Oh.  Whoops! Excuse me! My bad! This is the men's room! This over here is the library… 

Here you will find Mr. Bush’s books, including his childhood copy of Getting to ‘NO’ and the first edition of Machiavelli’s The Prince which was a gift from Mr. Karl Rove. 

These racks over here contain Mr. Bush’s collection of back issues of Field and Stream. If you look, you can see the address of the doctor’s office where he first read them.

Here’s a very special exhibit.  This book, “The Pet Goat” is the volume George was reading aloud on 9/11 when he was told about the attacks on the WTC.   He hopes to finish it one day soon.

Keep reading, George!

From the library we enter the Laura Bush Room.  In these cases you can see Laura’s extensive collection of Barbie Dolls.  No, there are no books here, but aren't the Barbies just, like, soooo cute!

Through this archway is the trophy room.  Over the fireplace is a life-size model of the bass that Mr. Bush caught in his pond.  It stands for all his achievements in office...

No, bummer!  We didn't get Dick Cheney's shotgun! Mr. Cheney told Mr. Bush if they were going to hunt together, he'd have to get his own gun. But I heard it's for sale on eBay.

The empty cabinet will contain Mr. Bush’s memorabilia from his days in the Air National Guard.  The cabinet will be filled as soon as we have finished manufacturing the items..

Here on the wall are the actual bills filed in Mr. Bush’s landmark privatization of the Social Security System, an achievement we all know will live on as the legislative high-water mark of his presidential career.

The empty room on the left?  That’s the Condi Rice Exhibit.  It contains the Israeli-Palestinian Peace Accords and  the documents verifying nuclear arms reduction in North Korea among other things.

N. Korea - Nuke free!

Here in the Sarah Palin Wing we have a number of audio books and the collection of lipstick Ms. Palin has so generously contributed for a small tax write-off.  How small?  No more than $200,000, according to Bloomingdale’s.  The Republican National Committee  says it, like,wasn't that much, but, I personally, shop at Bloomingdales, and I think they would know how much their lipstick costs!

Finally we come to the Black Gold wing, built with a generous donation from Big Oil.  This wing contains a 5-Star hotel, 15 restaurants (all of them featuring Texas BBQ Ribs), a life-size statue of Mr. Bush and a Saudi prince, and a 9-hole indoor golf course.

A kiss is just a kiss

Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached the end of our tour.  I've like, so enjoyed showing you the library!  Please exit through the checkpoint at right where Blackwater volunteers are standing by to take your (entirely voluntary) contributions. Your firearms will then be returned to you.  Thank you and have a nice day!

We accept gratuities