I miss you, whatever your name was ...

"It's hard to consider someone your "best" friend just because they always sign their messages with :)."

I consider myself an Average Joe, someone who inhabits the middle of most bell-shaped curves. As such, according to a recent Duke University study, I've lost one of my three "best" friends over the past 20 years. Now I'm down to two. I know someone is missing, but Duke is not telling me who, exactly, that is.

The study concludes that the average American has two people today in whom they confide, down from three in 1985. According to this analysis, the causes are probably increased work hours and the influence of the Internet - and it's not often one sees the word "probably" in a scientific paper, which says something about the study, about Duke and about science.

One result of this sociological change is that fewer contacts are created through clubs, neighbors and organizations. Robert D. Putnam refers to this condition as the "bowling alone" syndrome in a book with that same title.

At least the friend I lost didn't suffer a violent demise. He/she just trickled away over the past two decades, electron-by-electron, evaporated you might say, as I spent more and more time in front of my screens - computer, TV and cell. Maybe the California attorney general should check into this. Death by electronic dribble sounds a lot more humane than lethal injection.

The bad news is that the responsibility for his/her death sits squarely on my shoulders and shows no sign of jumping off any time soon. Extra afternoons playing Pac-Man, too many downloads off iTunes and, in general, choosing my mouse over my mouth has kidnapped my attention from flesh and blood people and into MySpace. If it weren't for consumer electronics, he/she would still be on my speed dial but, then, I wouldn't have a speed dial if it weren't for consumer electronics. It's all so complicated.

My missing best friend died of neglect and I am sadder for it. Research shows that intimate relationships (of the best friend kind not the bed sheets kind) are the single most determinant factor in an individual's "happiness" level. The second important factor is having your team win the Super Bowl, if you are a man, or having a husband who doesn't watch the Super Bowl, if you are a woman.

Today's relationships are diluted rather than dense. True, we have wider input from more people electronically, but the interaction is shallower and we miss many of the nonverbal cues we get when in face-to-face communication. There is nothing like a flesh-and-blood fist in your face to let you know how someone feels about you. Psychologists refer to this as "authentic communication.""

You can't intuit someone's tone of voice from an email, even if they tag it with an emoticon, the Internet version of the teenage girl's smiley face signature. It's hard to consider someone your "best" friend just because they always sign their messages with :).

There is less ego risk when you "hide" in your computer, but that restricts the growth you might undergo resolving personal issues and learning how to get on with others. It also doesn't do much for your physique to sit in a swivel chair all day.

On the other hand, kids who are naturally shy, or whose acne or body weight makes them retiring, may blossom in a society of electronic relationships where they don't have to worry about accent, speech impediments, skin color, what they're wearing, what they're driving or if they pick their nose every 30 seconds. With all of that going for electronic communication, it's a wonder we talk to anyone face-to-face.

With a library of ringtones now attached to everyone on my contact list, people have become songs. I can't remember my dentist's face, but whenever I hear anything sung by The House of Pain, I get a chill down my back, my mouth twitches and I call out for my dentist's suction tube, Mr. Thirsty.

More disturbing, there have been studies that link isolation and loneliness to mental and physical illness. That means I need to spend less time online. I could go through my old phonebooks and contact people I used to know to see if they want to reconnect. After all, they've lost a best friend too.

It's either that or paint a smiley face on my bowling ball. I think I'll call him Fred.
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