Biden IQ Test Yields False Positive

WASHINGTON, D.C.  Senator Joseph Biden (D-Del.), who has been dogged by opposition research leaked by other Democratic presidential candidates questioning his intelligence, today emerged from a marathon session with educators and psychologists to declare that he had achieved a "false positive" on a standard IQ test.

"The tests showed that I do not have IQ or even any of its symptoms."

"For my opponents who have been sniping at me behind and in some cases in front of my back, I say to you--phooey!" Biden declared in front of cheering supporters before adjourning to a Chuck E. Cheese franchise in suburban Arlington, Virginia.

Otto the Orange

Biden graduated 76th out of 85 students in his Syracuse University law school class, a ranking that he claimed put him in the top half.  When offered the opportunity to correct his mathematical error, Biden replied "That's my answer and I'm sticking to it."

"I'm having a hard time following your pre-emption argument because of your stupid outfit."

Biden has long claimed that he would have done better in law school if he had not simultaneously held down the position of Otto the Orange, the Syracuse University mascot.  "They put me in that costume the first week of school and didn't tell me how to get out of it," he complained to reporters.  "It sure didn't help during my moot court presentation."

"Biden called me 'articulate'.  He found that big word in his Golden Book Encyclopedia."

Biden is up against a tough field of competitors for the Democratic nomination, including Hillary Clinton, a graduate of Wellesley College and Yale Law School, and Barack Obama, a graduate of Columbia and Harvard Law School.  Earlier this year Biden touched off a fire-storm by referring to Obama as "articulate", a remark that many interpreted as condescending.

Trying to look thoughtful.

"I did not mean to insult Senator Barack, or Obama, whichever name comes first this week," Biden said in an apology that some felt left much to be desired.  "Republicans win with candidates who aren't smarter than the American people, and I'm the only candidate who can beat them at their own game."

Copyright 2007, Con Chapman