Tomatoes Are Evil

The evil tomato is native to the American continent. It was first cultivated by the blood drinking, cannibalistic Aztecs, who used it as ketchup for their human BBQs. The expression "Bite me!" was not used lightly in that era.The scientific name for the tomato is lycopersicon lycopersicum, which means "wolf peach."  It is a member of the nightshade family, which includes the equally tainted underground zombie plant, the potato.

The association of the nightshade family with witchcraft is well known. 
Eastern European folklore tells us that witches used plants like mandrake and nightshade to summon werewolves, vampires and congressmen. This practice is known as lycanthropy. Tomatoes were no doubt, a part of those rituals.
It is also  a cousin of  the poisonous belladonna, which can really mess you up.

There are more than 10,000 varieties of these vile tomatoes. All of them are evil and should be avoided.

It is not suprising that the notorious families of Italy all consumed tomatoes. The Borgias were voracious eaters, often consuming vast pots of pasta and tomato sauce before going off on killing sprees. Machiavelli's love for corrupt politics was second only to his love for the bloody red fruit.

Not many people know it, but originally the film, "The Exorcist" had Linda Blair puking tomato soup instead of green pea soup. The tomato soup was changed because it would have been too realistic and the horror too great for the public.

More recently, it has been discovered by the NSA that Osama bin Laden  and Saddam Hussien both have been observed eating tomatoes. Is there now any question about this Hellish Red Spawn? How much more evidence do we need? The truth must be told!