What are you worried about tonight?

excellent mariana... here's what i worry about... having nothing to worry about tomorrow.

I worry about my kids...as they are all 660+ miles away. Ohhhhh heck, I'd worry about them if they lived next door!! I have to remind myself often that He's the one in control not me...focus, focus, focus, pray, pray, pray...

Thank you, mariana. I don't need advice. I know the answers. I need hand-holding. I need the strength to pick up the pieces my left was left in when my husband died and move forward. I need people who will help me with some fo the physical labor involved. Most days all I want is to lie down and die. Without my DH, I have no reason to coninue living. I need a job but am too old to be given serious consideration, and fat enough to be a target of fat discrimination. I can't pay the bills, even funel bills dog me.. I am worried about continuing to live. I'd rather not.

i'm worried about sticking to my vow to stop contact with my ex-lover.....i'm worried about my brother in Iraq, i'm worried about my brother who just moved to Vegas, and my mom who has colon cancer. did i mention i can't sleep.....pass the shiraz

Thanks for asking this question. When I read it, I thought for awhile and thought of nothing. I read a couple other articles and came back. I still can't think of anything I'm worried about. You reminded me how fortunate I am that I am not a worrier.

Dorine, been there, done that......five years ago and I SURVIVED!!! Never ever give up hope. You are in my thoughts and prayers dear girl......God Bless

"Most days all I want is to lie down and die. Without my DH, I have no reason to coninue living."

Dear Dorine,

Having lived my whole life without EVER having a "DH," I can assure you that life is worth living even if you are alone. I am so sorry to read your comments.

I have been through a lot in my short life - including being on full disability at the age of 23 for a chronic illness. I've lived alone while being sick and struggled to survive while in my 20s, not having any real "adult" experience as a healthy person or savings to fall back on.

One thing I learned through all of this is that somehow live manages to provide for you. No matter what has happened, I have always landed on my feet, sometimes quite miraculously.

I am sure that you, too, while find a way through this difficult time. You just have to learn to trust. I know that's hard, but it beats the alternative, which is giving up in despair.

You're not too old or too fat to get a job either. Start networking. People on Gather might be able to help! What can you do? What can you learn! Let people know you are looking for work and get out there. There's a job waiting for you.

Don't let despair overtake you. Find some healthy way of coping. By healthy, I mean, don't indulge in substances to excess, but give yourself a healthy outlet once in a while. Go to the movies to take your mind off things. (Matinees are cheaper.) Go for a walk and experience the sunshine. There's plenty of joy to be found in the little nooks and crannies of the world.

Above all, don't give up. There's a lot to live for...and if you hang in there, you're sure to find it.

Peace and blessings to you.

Mariana, all in all I'm not too worried... alhough I do like a good Shiraz. There are lots of people everywhere who have it a lot worse than I. Tonight, they worry whether a piece of cardboard will keep them warm enough. Others worry whether their child will come out of a coma from a drug overdose. Yet others worry whether they even want to wake up, tomorrow morning.

I thought about your question, and concluded that my biggest worry is about getting this house sold so I can start living a more "human-scaled" life. Not much of a worry, really, on the greater scale of the Universe.

No worries here! My B&N gift cards came today just before the power went out, so my daughter and I just got back from staying cool at B&N. I had a blackberry green tea something or other, found a book on Alexander the Great (long story behind that one), a paperback by Kim Harrison that my brother-in-law recommended, a belly dance instructional kit and some zen meditation balls. I'll give details in the morning, I need to go see if we are belly dancing tonight!

M.T.

My 97 year-old neighbor says it feels like earthquake weather. It is a full moon (or pretty close). Other than that the ole Colonel ain't worried 'bout nutin! Life is a glass of Yellow Tail Shiraz and a bowl of cherries! Thank you for your thoughts.

Cheers,

Colonel Possum

Hey Mariana and all,

Thanks for thinking/writing/expressing this, the original musings and all your comments. I thought a bit about what you are saying here. This is what I think:

It doesn't matter what the problem is, whether you can solve it, whether it is solvable. It doesn't matter whether it does any good to worry. It matters that all of us deserve to be happy, whether we agree or believe that or not. We need to be able to find, to access, that beautiful inner space of infinite joy and wonder. We need to be able to go there everyday, even several times a day, especially when we are down or worried. We need to have that solace, that re-creation, that inspiration to tell us that no matter how bad or sad or unworkable our world seems to be, we have the power, grace and perspective to live a life enriched by joy and self-enjoyment. I can usually get there by dancing.

Now, pass the shiraz, and let's party!

Peace,
libramoon

Yeah Mariana, its true, when you share your problems you feel relieved. I totally agree with you, when we go to the bed we should forget everything, thank god for the good and the bad we had experienced throughout the day, thank for the worries that brooded us as he considered us capable to deal with those problems and worries.

god bless.

If I could take back all the moments I've wasted in worry, I'd be five years younger! No, I can't take them back -- but I do not need to add to them, and I don't. Worry about things I cannot change only makes me crazy; today I choose to spend my energy on changing what I can -- me, and my attitudes.

I agree with what many of the others have written here and hope that Dorine comes back to read what people have to say to her. Dorine, I emailed you privately. It's very hard not to worry if it's a long standing part of your personality. It's something I work on every day. I do know that life gets better even when we have to deal wtih some tough life issues. I wish I liked wine like Mariana but I do love cherries. Thanks as always for a thoughtful and interesting article.

Landing a full-time job. Doing a good job in my new part time one. Having the people on Gather that hate Gather really leave if that's what they want to do and stop picking on me (can't say much more than that but you'll get the gist if you read my recent article about minivans).

Those are my worries as of today. The ones with my friends worked themselves out last night.

M.T.

Great responses here! No earthquake last night so everythings OK at the OHC for now!

Cheers,

Colonel Possum

I think if you all spent more time helping OTHER people out with difficulties in THEIR lives maybe all of you would forget about your own problems.
Try that!!

I like this advice from libramoon C. "We need to be able to find, to access, that beautiful inner space of infinite joy and wonder. We need to be able to go there everyday, even several times a day, especially when we are down or worried. We need to have that solace, that re-creation, that inspiration to tell us that no matter how bad or sad or unworkable our world seems to be, we have the power, grace and perspective to live a life enriched by joy and self-enjoyment. I can usually get there by dancing."

Last night I wrote a poem, the first poem I've written in a long time. I've been so busy worrying and trying fruitless endeavors at earning a living that I have avoided things like writing poetry, painting, music (and dancing!) that bring me joy.

This advice is for Dorine who has lost her husband and is having trouble making ends meet:

I understand to a great extent where you are coming from, Dorine. I sometimes feel the way you do - think of the other people in your life - how they would feel if you were gone... Go to the library and pick out Julia Cameron's book The Artist's Way - she has good advice for people going through crises. Bask in your desolation for awhile - live in your husband's clothes and furniture, but remember to eat simple foods that you like...

Where I live there are programs to help the disabled or poor or sick or mentally ill who want to get back to work. Google non-profit organizations in your area. Volunteer where you'd like to work.

Now here's a kinky idea: Look up big beautiful women on the Internet. You'll see that there's a place for everyone. Your husband loved you and so could your next employer.

To pursue a dream when there are only nightmares enthralls the best of intentions. Challenges become too hard for some to take.

As I have had my share, as we all, I adopted the attitude that anything I worry about for five minutes was four minutes too long. Life is mine, and I am the ruler to make the best of it what I can. I will face my misery and chase the demons away as they try to invade and conquer my strength...Pity me not as there are those much worse than me.

Let me breathe and touch my fellow man with love so bitterness will not be my friend.

My prayers to all who find the struggles hard to cope with.

Mariana -

What a brave and wonderful thing you have offered in this article. There are so many who have no one to listen to their travails - a sympathetic ear can lighten the load and offer release. Yet how often do we choose to just shut down or avoid the unpleasantness in other's lives? I commend your generosity ;)

These days I am fortunate to have few worries, but for years I was a chronic - no make that a PROFESSIONAL - worrier. Then one day I realized (while washing the dishes of all things!) I was accomplishing nothing by living my life in a constantly pensive state. There were myriad things which I had no control over or which had occurred in my life through happenstance that I wished were not part of my personal history. The one thing I did indeed have control over was my attitude and behavior. My quality of life improved for the better from that point forward.

I don't wander through life in a perpetually sunny state - by any means. But I'm no longer paralyzed with dark thoughts or helplessness. I was fortunate to come to this state without professional help. In retrospect, had I taken the time to seek out a counselor or spiritual advisor, so many years lost in anguish could have been saved.

Gisela is so right! You can choose to not let things get you down. It is hard to do, but it is a choice. It makes it so much easier to actually cope with the things that do need attention.

I think grieving, being angry, feeling saddness, etc, are all important parts of life and our goal should not be to avoid all negative feelings. To me, the key is limiting the time we stay in a negative state, and making good use of those negative emotions when they hit.

not a blessed thing sister, and indeed, pass that bottle:-)!

Sandy - You've made a most important point. Failing to acknowledge pain or anger is just as detrimental as allowing it to overtake all aspects of one's life. It's a bomb just waiting to explode. Channeling the negative into something positive is an excellent way to keep moving forward. Never easy for me though!

I learned it the hard way, Gisela. That's why I schedule crying time if I haven't had a good cry in a while. I don't have to do that with anger release any more - get plenty of that with the politics ;-)

Mariana...thanks for this. I think I'm okay now. I just wrote two articles about what I'm worried about. I got it all out, and so for now, I'm good. I'm kind of like Sandy, in that I believe you should feel the emotions and move on. I'm trying very hard to channel the negative energy into something positive.
Thanks for the article Mariana.
I just love your attitude and mellow way of dealing with things.
Very Luziana. : )
Salud to you, sweet friend.
: )

And so I spit my cherry pit and drink my glass of Merlot~Salud, dear one, Salud~Love, light, and blessings~Mama T

I worry that I won't find my calling in life. I worry that I'm wasting the potential my parents gave me. I worry that I'll look back when I'm old and regret. I worry that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up (34 isn't grown up, is it? If it is, I guess I'm worried that I'm grown up too soon!)

My grandmother was a worrier. My mom always joked that she didn't have to worry because my grandmother worried enough for both of them.

I try not to worry but to identify those things that are bothering me and make a plan to address them. But sometimes, worry creeps in anyway, unbidden, uninvited. Sometimes I find myself with heart pounding, sweating over things I KNOW I have under control. Worry....what a strange emotion....

Such great advice from all of you.... but when you're sad.. you really can't focus on the positive. My mom says "the things you worried about yesterday, last week, last month, last year, you don't remember today. Everything works itself out somehow"... but it doesn't help the pain of today. So today, I cry.. Iet it out... take a long hot shower and go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day and you never know whats going to cross your path...

Thank each one of you for your comments. I am amazed by some of the comments which could almost be articles. Libramoon, I can so identify with what you said and I have a special place where I go. It's a beach, back in the 70's, white sand and warm waves and I'm reading something by Helen Gurley Brown...or whomever...just relaxing and living in the moment. I'm a beach person and I loved the Florida beaches then. I was younger and thinner and life hadn't quite been lived yet. There's a big difference in what one worries about after a certain age. At least for me. I was always a worrier of sorts but managed to deal with things in a systematic way, bust my arse to get educated and live extremely frugally so that I could travel and do other things. At 37, the problems I dealt with were fixable...but sometimes when one reaches a certain age, things happen that can't be fixed. Our parents are older and we're taking care of them and teenagers and we're going through the change of life and physical problems set in. Let me assure you that the change of life - aka menopause will make every problem grow arms and legs! I'm lucky that I really worked hard to stay healthy and basically always say this to myself...The universe will give you what you need but what you want, you best go after...however, make sure what you really want. This has managed to keep me focussed. I love Gisela's comment:
The one thing I did indeed have control over was my attitude and behavior. My quality of life improved for the better from that point forward.
That is wonderful! I do agree...Erma Bombeck wrote a book called If Life is Such a Bowl of Cherries, then why am I in the pits. Typical of Erma, she had the same trials and tribulations as the rest of us but managed to take a positive approach and turn adversities into an opportunity. I love Glenda's comment: I will face my misery and chase the demons away as they try to invade and conquer my strength...Pity me not as there are those much worse than me.
I read this and all I could think about was my special friend who was 34 and in her gorgeous prime, recuperating from the loss of her three year old from Leukemia and her brother dying in an off-shore accident and she gets into a jeep with a guy and it happens to flip over - no alcohol involved, and now she is paralyzed from the waist down and has been that way for 15 years. I think of her beauty and her grace as she watched her own daughter get into a freak accident a year ago and who had just been hired by a big time modeling agency...and now she limps...is back in Franklin. I see her as her own mother who caretakes her is dying but in all this she is positive...now, that's real. She makes me count my every blessings. But, you know if you have a worry - it is real and what you focus on expands - no matter who says what or what kind of theories we may have used ourselves to cope with our situations...Your worry is a real one... If a bill is due, it has to be paid. If you are sick or depressed, that's real. I want to keep this open because maybe in some way, we can help each other. by talking about things. I so hope so. I noticed that it is mostly women commenting here with a few exceptions and wonder - do women worry more than men...or do they just talk about things more? Is that why women outlife men. Do they hold things in? Again, thank each one of you for so many interesting and helpful comments. Tina, Karissa,Theresa, Becky, Sandy, Jeff, Aileen, Gisela, Jeffery, Wilhelmine (many hugs to you my friend) , Clare, Leigh, Loretta, Colonel Possum, Peter, Lynn, Maura, Stephanie, especially dear Dorine. I hope that things become better for you. I know I am sending you much light and happiness from down here in southwest Louisiana. I am going to reread each one because I want to get to know all of yall...life is short...Don't Worry Be Happy...like my blessed mother used to say...Salud,

I'm sorry I meant to say Melanie is paralyzed from the neck down...bless her heart. I hope I didn't forget to thank anyone because each one of these comments are exceptional, honest and really helpful to me. Sometimes we need reminders - and you know what - we're all in this together! Salud,

Hey my Sweet dear freind i'm a worry wart and that will never change i think it comes from my grand mother who also was a worry wart. The only time i don't worry is when i have a fishing pole in my hand and poof all gone.Thanks for being my bestest freind

well.......... there's this stalker on gather who dresses up in a sheep outfit and follows me to hippy conventions and.................. one day she locked me in a barn..............

could i be pregnant?

Worried in Winnipeg.

ludolf, you've got it all wrong. it's winnipeg, where men are men and sheep are nervous:-)!

Who? Me worry?

I love the description: "The night is a bold purple and the moon is half ass orange." I've seen that.

Mariana - beautiful writing here. Thank you for this...if you ever need a shoulder, call on me, sister. I'd love a glass of wine, soon as my wisdom holes are healed. :)

For I cannot change what is, nor what was. I must revel in the now and change the what will. Ahh, the wisdom, she lurks yet in the corner of my mind...

Why thank you, Miz Breanne, dear. The same goes to you! I am actually doing very well - I hope that you are as well! I've really loved all the above comments. Thank yall! Salud!

Mariana,

Sometimes just knowing that there are people like ya'll to listen can help the worry. Thanks!

Marianna, Like Sandy, when I read your question, I had to think about what I'm worried about. I gave up worrying about things many years ago. After seeing comments left by others, I realize how truly blessed I am. I do worry about the grandsons at times.


Dorine, I lost my husband when I was only 25 years old. I've been down that road and it is a struggle. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Marrianna,

Look how your article made people think and comment.
Good for you!

If the problems concern only me, I can usually compartmentalize it for the night and manage some sleep. But in the past when my kids were growing up and at home, things that kept me awake all night were a child with a high fever, a teenager not home when he said he would be, a doctor's report not in yet on a diagnosis from some tests on the kids.
I always tried to follow my grandmother's advice which I'm sure many of you have heard from your gram. "Having trouble sleeping because of worries---give them all to God. God's up all night anyway".
I know that sometimes that didn't work and I stayed up too.

Carol I have heard and heeded many times that saying: Let go and let God.
sometimes in a state of despair, we must have Faith.
Thank you for commenting!
Yes, Barbary - well, it's something that we can all relate to - life is never problem free or without worries but it's interesting to see how each person handles things. Mary M. I'm sorry you lost your husband so young - you've coped pretty well despite this sad tragedy. I'm sure it must have made you a very strong woman. Thank you for commenting. Thank you Jenny - I hope we can always feel as if we have a friend here there are many folks with worries and problems and it is like a balm to the heart to be able to discuss them with others. Salud,

I'm worried that I may be settling for a life that I may end up regretting 20 years from now.

Oh dear Charlene - Remember your life is your own. Can you tell us some more details? Maybe we can offer you guidance in some way or offer advice. Salud,

Cami - I hope that I thanked you for a wonderful comment which I totally agree with and for recommending that book by Julia Cameron, The Artist Way - I plan to read it! Salud,

I worry about my kid.. always the kid

Mariana, That was a generous offer you made and I thank you for it. Reading everyone's worries, concerns and coping mechanisms is very helpful. There is a danger in thinking that one's own troubles are insignificant and not enough to trouble other with - the "how can I complain when others are having a much harder time"? syndrome. The result - worries bottled up and thriving in darkness. Hell, that hangnail hurts. Say ouch.

As for me - Gather friends like you help immeasureably. Moya

Moya - you have it so right on - the hangnail hurts, my ingrown toenail hurts, my friends aren't talking to me, my husband is moody, I can't cook good enough for the mother in law, my back is killing me. My kid is going through puberty...all kinds of worries that can be shared and gotten off the mind for a little while. I appreciate your comment very much, Moya and I hope you have a wonderful Sunday! Salud~

Miz Breanne - I didn't realize that this article was still featured in Gathered Blessings but glad it is as I was thinking about it the other night. I'm worried about family hormony right now and why Greed has taken over my family since my beloved mother's passing. It's causing me loads of stress. Anyway, thanks for sending good thoughts my way! Salud.

George W., thanks for your worry about the digital conversion - on the bright side, you aren't really worried about it - but many folks are! SAlud