This question is open to anyone, whether you have ADHD, you have a child with ADHD, you have any experience with it, and even parents of non-ADHD children are welcome to share their input.
What do you do when your child is having a meltdown? What has worked for you? What has backfired?
As a parent of a 7 year old son with ADHD I often wonder if my attempts at trying to calm him down when he is having a meltdown are totally off, or if I'm doing the right thing, just not at the right time. I just don't know! I know what sets him off, for the most part. But a lot of times I cannot prevent those things from happening.
What do you do when it's time to transition and your child throws a fit? Do you provide them with a schedule ahead of time so that they know what to expect? Does that work? I know Zachary always needs to know what is going to happen and when for him to be able to feel comfortable with what's going on.
What do you do when you child throws a fit about homework? Do you let them take a break, do you stand firm? Do you have a specific time when homework is to be done? What do you do if they refuse? Zachary fights me everytime he has to do homework and it frustrates me so much that I usually end up yelling. I hate that I can't control this aspect of our day very well, without a big fight.
What do you do if your child has a meltdown in a store? We have never had this occur, but I have never been able to just leave because of an incident. I'm too stubborn, I guess.
What other times does your child have a meltdown and what do you do about it?
I have worked with some therapists from school. They have showed Zachary some anger management techniques but I can't remember many of them. Usually those things don't work at home anyway because the situations are different. One thing I do is when he is working, if I cannot sit beside him I will at least walk by him and place a hand on his shoulder. This "grounds" them and lets them know that they are in your thoughts and that you are watching them. Another thing I do is give him shoulder, back and head massages when he is stressing out. These really help calm him down sometimes. I have wanted to get him a stress ball but he would probably lose it anyway.
Please feel free to comment on this post, or create your own post about your successes (or failures) when dealing with a meltdown from your ADHD child. If you create your own post, please tag it with "adhd meltdown" and post it to the ADHD group on Gather: http://adhd.gather.com (if you want to).
Thank you, and I look forward to your tips, suggestions and input!
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Comments: 15
I have 2 children who have ADHD.
When they act up at home i just walk away from them, when they are done with thier spats i will return and talk to them.
If we are out in public and they have a spat we leave where ever we are and go sit in the car till they are done.
Thanks DN. Sometimes I have to walk away from Zachary. Other times I actually have to walk him to his room because he is causing a scene and the other kids shouldn't suffer his blowouts. It is all so frustrating sometimes.
It is and i totally understand wha you are going thru.
Jessica had a BAD SPAT at walmart one day. She wanted a toy and i told her NO she ran her hand accross the bottom shelf of the toy isle and cleared it!! She was hollaring and causeing a scene so bad that an employee called the cops on me!! She threw herself to the floor and i walked over her and told her that when she was done i would be ion the electronics..LOL
I remember you talking about that incident! If Zachary was a little older I think that is what I would have done if he did that. It's a shame that it can't be ignored like that in school. I think it would make the fits end quicker the less attention that is paid to them.
Oh i know, When Jessica has a spat at school they call it a displinary issue and that makes me so upset with them. If they have an education then they should understand that she just cant help it, her brain is not the same as the other kids and giving her detention is NOT the answer.
Jessica had d-hall over a dozen times and they were about to send her to a special school cuz of her spats. I had to get a note from her dr explainging that she has ADHD and sometimes can not sit still and learn as easy as the other kids.
She is NOT a bad kid she just cant sit still and bounces and chats alot when she is in school.
Zachary was kicked out of school because he was having the issues there. The school had him go to the district psychiatrist, who diagnosed him with ADHD. When I refused to medicate him they kicked him out. They didn't put it that way but I know that is what happened. He had to go to a behavioral school. I finally decided to try meds and they really work for him. But I hate that meds are the only reason he is allowed back in a regular school.
I medicated Jessica for a little bit but she and Andy are not on anything at this time.
Its is wrong how they treat these kids with ADHD.
I had a teacher tell me once that all she needed was a good spanking and she would stop acting up.
i wanted to spank that teacher when she said that.
UGH! All of his teachers have been very understanding and loving. I really respected and liked them all. He was very difficult for them to deal with and by the time he got kicked out of school he was out of control- constantly distracting his classmates to the point where they weren't learning as much as they could have been.
It still really hurt to see him have to go somewhere else, and I despised him being labeled. It kills me.
Wow, that was an ignorant teacher! Usually, the teachers are pretty well trained in these behaviors!
I have a wonderful homeopath who works with kids with ADD, ADHD, Austism, etc. Over time, she has wonderful results. My child had an auditory processing issue. When she's on her remedy (takes about once a month) there are no problems.
I feel badly that alternative medicine is only scene as a last resort when it's often more effective and safer than other methods. And it's wonderful to see my child feel better too!
Zachary had an oral sensory issue but the medication fixed that. He rarely does anything (usually it's chewing on things like a puppy would) even when the medication has worn off.
We started with alternative methods. We can't afford a homeopath but we have a lot of resources in our families (Jason's grandparents own a health food store and they are friends with a lot of people in that area, my mom is a massage therapist who knows a little about ways to help us) and they are all more than willing to help where they can.
MaryBeth, if you are willing, please share some effective things that you do to help your child.
For my kids with issues, zero sugar and lots of sleep were key. I could expect a horrible day if any one of them didn't get enough sleep. Illness was wretched, too. Keeping physical contact helped with most of them, but didn't do a thing for when they were at school. The meds made a huge difference for my youngest son. He was much more able to concentrate.
For schoolwork, we set up a little desk in a dark room with a desk lamp. The darkness kept the kid from being distracted. When it was light out, we used a desk tucked in between two tall dressers. The other kids were far away. No music, TV or other distractions. I'd break the homework up into small sections with frequent CALM QUIET breaks like a snack of cheese. I dreaded school and homework. My children are grown and I would not want to do that again!
Barb, I am so thankful that all of Zachary's teacher so far weren't afraid to touch him. They were more than willing to give a hug or place a hand on his shoulder. When that wasn't possible they had him carry weights through the hallway (to ground him). It worked until he started violently swinging his arms through the air while he carried them.
Zachary has a difficult time with sleep. We had his tonsils and adenoids taken out in the fall and I know he gets better sleep but he still seems to have some trouble waking up some mornings. He doesn't hold his breath while he sleeps anymore and that was our main goal.
We do limit his sugar to what is in the food we make him. He rarely gets candy. I won't intentionally give him any artificial sweeteners.
The meds Zachary is on are doing wonders...when his sister isn't around. She is the cause of a lot of our issues. But I don't know what to do to fix that!! He can go to his grandparents house- he is always welcome there, but his grandfather lets him eat what he wants and do what he wants all day long...and I mean ALL DAY. Since he is the one who is home all day Zachary picks up horrible habits when he is around him and it's hard to get him back to normal when he comes home. Amara won't stay with anyone but Jason and me, so we can't get her away from him.
His last teacher would turn off the lights and put on some quiet music after recess for wind down time. She said it was his best time of day, every day. I should do that when school is back in session. Low lights in a quiet room. He seems to really really love music so maybe some classical music in the background will be helpful but not distracting. The breaks sound like a good idea. I never did them because I didn't want to break his concentration but maybe it's a good idea to try!
As a parent of a 5 y.o. autistic child that probably also suffers from ADHD, there are many times I just have to put him in his room for a "time out" and I do the same. I will try to re-engage with my son after he has calmed down. As for out in public, I make the best of the situation by trying to work through the meltdown by talking to him or figuring out something to get his mind off whatever might be causing it. There are other times either myself or my husband will end up just taking him to the car to calm down.
I know that I have to be creative at time in how to resolve problems/meltdowns with my son, which is not always an easy thing to do sometimes. I know there are behavorial therapists or psychologists who deal specifically with children who have ADD or ADHD and often can give parents suggestions and tips/techniques to use to help deal with difficult situations. Medication is something that doesn't work for all kids, but is an option especially if the child can benefit from it. I don't know if teachers or school staff members are really educated/trained in neurological problems except in basic terms, which is a huge problem for parents especially when it it is the school that advising what the parents should do as if their answers are truly going to resolve the problem(s).
I'd like to know how to deal with my ADHD husband when he has a meltdown *sigh*. Great article Alex!!! WTG :-)