Courage in the Face of Fear

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”  ~Ambrose Redmoon

My mother and I have almost always been close.  She has taught me so much and been an inspiration for so many reasons.  However, her outlook and spirits through her numerous medical issues have inspired me time and time again.

As a newborn her mother had been advised by the doctors not to get attached because there was something wrong with her heart and she would die soon.  My mother came into this world a fighter and will remain one. 

I was still in high school when my mom had her first scare with cancer.  She has a history of cancer, particularly melanoma, in her family.  Sure enough, melanoma was what they found.  Luckily, the doctors were able to catch it in time. 

Just as we finally let down our guard about her having cancer, and it was no longer at the forefront of our minds, we receive more bad news.  When I was 20 years old I learned that my mother had cervical cancer.  This one was harder than the melanoma.  This meant she would have a total hysterectomy, thereby losing all her hopes of having another child, much less possibly her life.  She went into the surgery knowing that there was a possibility of not coming out or coming out with less life expectancy. Yet, she stayed strong for us, reassuring us that she would be back and all better.  Although, I could tell she was scared I could also tell she had faith and that faith would bring her through.  Faith did bring her through. 

Several years passed and soon her doctors’ visits dwindled giving us more and more hope that we were out of the woods.  Until this past year when we found out that at the age of 49 she had congestive heart failure.  She was hospitalized and they removed almost 50 pounds of water from her chest and stomach.  A month later she was hospitalized again for the insertion of a pacemaker/defibrillator.  We found that in addition to the congestive heart failure, the electrical portion of her heart was having problems.

After dealing with this knowledge for a little bit and working through it she then finds out she has pulmonary hypertension, which explains her trouble breathing.  Now, she is hooked up to oxygen 24/7 and takes numerous pills.

Watching my mother go through what seems and feels like one death scare after another made me acknowledge the fact that I may not have as much time with her as I had expected.  Her courage throughout everything has inspired me to have the courage to handle my own problems and face my own fears, including death. It has also inspired me to be sure to tell the ones I love exactly how much they mean to me and to take nothing for granted because you never know.

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