I was talking to Orlando Bloom the other day. I was trying to explain to him, in the gentlest terms possible, that his obsession with me was getting to be worrisome.
“It’s not you, it’s me,” I said. “It won’t hurt for long. Besides, why would I leave Mr. R. for you? I can’t go around being seen with someone in show business now can I?”
“But I can change!” he cried. “What if I went to college?”
“Yeah, OK,” I said, stifling a snicker. “You can’t major in pretty.”
“I’ll jump off the Verazzano-Narrows Bridge!”
“You always say that. You’re making a scene. Let go of my leg.”
“Wait! Will you at least review Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End in Family Flix?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “That’s not really a family film. AEYOB doesn’t want to see it. And besides, I’m sick of trilogies. That will be my third this month! Surely you see the irony.”
“What do you mean? It was based on a ride at Disneyworld, wasn’t it? I’ll jump, I swear!”
“Sigh. OK. Break the plot down for me.”
“Well,” he said, “me and Keira Knightly have to save Johnny Depp from Davy Jones’ locker, see, and…”
“Johnny Depp, eh?”
“Are you listening? So then Chow Yun-Fat comes along…”
“Yeah, yeah. Do you take your pants off in this one?”
“No. Wait! I mean yes! That’s not fair! That was a trick question!”
“Whatever,” I said over my shoulder. “I just remembered, I’m going away this weekend. I‘m outta here. And I’m not going to tell you again, stop calling me.”
“No! Don’t leeeeaaaavvvvveeee…!”
Family Flix will return June 1st. Have a great holiday!
Wendy R., Movie Correspondent:
W endy’s column, “Family Flix“, published every Friday to Gather Essentials: Movies is your guide to family friendly movies, DVD’s, classics and new releases. Wendy R. is a mother of two and a film buff. All of her films are road-tested by an actual eight-year-old boy (AEYOB).You can find all of Wendy’s Family Flix columns at http://gather.com/familyflix.
Keep up with Wendy’s other postings and Gather activity by joining his Gather network -- just click here grev3.gather.com and select the orange “Connect” button on the left-hand side of the page
You’ll find Wendy and other Movie Correspondents, plus celebrity content and plenty of other movie buffs at Movies.gather.com.
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Comments: 30
No wonder Orlando wants you so badly.
Have a GREAT vacation!
Lydia, if I see it it will be for Chow Yun-Fat
I went through the same thing a few years back with Antonio Banderas, but I just couldn't hurt Melanie nd the kids like that.
that was hillarious! thanks!
I'm still chuckling about this and that's saying a lot. I rarely laugh out loud.
My kids just gave me a "what's wrong with you" look.