To Give or Not to Give . . . I need your help!

I like to give to people and I work at a small business so it is only 15 people. Its not like I buy them a car or anything it is more like a can of soda and a candle or candy.

Thanks! The cats name is Sirus I wrote a story about him the other day titled " I am going to find a home for him"

She could be Jehovahs Witness. They do not celebrate any holidays including Holloween, Christsmas or any other holiday. Just respect her wishes and give her something on an ordinary day. Tell her its not a holiday, its an ORDINARY DAY Present.

Great Idea Nathan!

This is simple, if she doesn't celebrate Christmas, then she isn't expecting and doesn't want a gift, so respect her wishes.

She says that Candy, but how will she feel if everyone else gets a gift? I would maybe bring her half a dozen homemade cookies or something. I would feel badly getting something for the other 13 people and nothing for her.

That said, I agree with Devil Woman. Anyone who voluntarily gives that many people gifts is insane! What about an office secret santa? That makes it a conscious choice for everyone and really cuts down on the obligatory giving for those who might not want (or can't afford) to.

I agree with Candy. I would not give her a gift, our of respect for her wishes. However, I might give her a nice card with a handwritten message wishing her peace and happiness every day of the year. Something that lets her know you are thinking of her but are also respecting her wishes.

I always gave gifts to everyone when I worked. Small gifts. They may have been from the 99 Cent Store but I got everyone something. A nice scented candle; a trinket box; a calendar for their desk; an ink pen; something small but useful. Everyone appreciated their gifts and everyone participated in the exchange, too. They were all gifts that were $2 to @3 each at the most. I'm not insane. I just love the holidays and Christmas is my day. It's my birthday. I like to see people happy then and I like to bring a little bit of happiness to everyone I meet.

Did she specify that she doesnt celebrate Christmas or any winter holiday?

Why don't you try to get to know her and then probably find out why she doesn't celebrate Christmas!? You simply can not assume why someone doesn't celebrate a holiday nor can you tell how that someone is going to feel when others receive their gifts, unless you talk/ask her in the most kind way possibly.

Hmm... I admire your generousity. I would probably not give her a gift if she says she doesn't celebrate Christmas. You could just give her a candy bar with a note of appreciation for the work she does. You could do that at any time...you know..just as an encouragement.

It is hard to say without knowing more about her. Perhaps she is Jewish, some other religion, or not religious at all. It depends if you think the gift would offend her. Personally, I would give them all gifts, but call them all holiday gifts (or end of the year gifts/thank you gifts). That way you cover everything in one shot. My two cents.
:)
Heidi

why don't you just ask her why? You may be surprised at her answer. A few years ago we became Christians (we thought we were before that), and we found that Christmas is definitely not the date of Christ's birth, so on that day (1983) we had a day of prayer and fasting to counteract all the feasting and revelry going on...We now do celebrate in a modest way at Christmastime, with family. We usually ask about giving gifts (if we are going to this year) and what people would like. Sometimes I think it would be better to give our gift monies to a more worthy cause... Marie

Thank you all for your suggestions. I think I will probably give her something like cookies or such and call it a work appreciation gift. I will also ask her why she doesn't celebrate Christmas. I am pretty sure she isn't Jewish, but one never knows. Anyway My whole goal is to try to make her feel comfortable and included.

As someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas myself, a small token of appreciation such as a (non-holiday specific) card or a plate of cookies sounds like a fine compromise.

However, I would also suggest that rather than asking the fine folk here on Gather what might be appropriate, and guessing at how your co-worker might respond, you simply discuss the situation with her. Explain that you have always given gifts to your co-workers for the holidays, and that while you understand that she doesn't celebrate Christmas, you're unsure of what do, concerned that receiving a gift would offend her but receiving none might leave her feeling left out. Ask how she would feel about some small thing like a card or a plate of cookies, as other Gather members have suggested. Or -- and this is what would appeal most to me in this situation -- ask her if there is a charity you could make a small donation to on her behalf (and when you're giving out your gifts, you could then give her a card regarding the donation).

Any or all of those things might be fine with her, or she might genuinely prefer to receive nothing at all (sometimes it's a question of reciprocity -- if you give her a gift, she might find herself feeling much as you do now, wondering if you expect a gift in return, and possibly feeling obligated to reciprocate whether she celebrates the holiday or not, to avoid hurting your feelings). Discussing your concerns with her beforehand could be a bit awkward, but I think it's the best way to be confident of helping her to "feel comfortable and included."

If she doesn't celebrate then respect it - for recognition give her a nice "Good Morning" - "Best Wishes" - "Happy Holidays" - "Have A Good Day" - or whatever and continue on with your giving to those who do celebrate.

I think what i would do being that she is new to the office and not aware of office customs is to explain what is done on christmas and that you do not want her to feel uncomfortable in any way and you want to do the right thing. Ask her would she like a small gift as a token of professional friendship as it is your custom, or if she really didn't want to be involved at all you won't include her.

there your custom and hers are on the table

if she says yes but keep it small she is respecting your values but not devaluing hers

if she says no nothing at all you have nothing to feel bad about , you got it out in the open discussed with her in a mature manner and both of you can celebrate or not celebrate in your own way.

I think Carol's idea is great. When I worked at the casino we had people of all beliefs working there. Some of them that didn't celbrate Christmas still wanted to participate in a gift exchange. They thought it as a token of freindship. We enjoyed it very much.

I like the comments from G.S. and Carol. Just talking to this person and finding out a little bit more about her and why she doesn't celebrate Christmas might be a good start, especially since there's still enough time to talk and get to know her a little better. Give her a chance to explain her reasons, as well as explaining what you normally do

Thank you for your suggestions. I have talked to her some since I posted this article and I found out why she doesn't celebrated Christmas. But I haven't had a chance to discuss much more than that. There is such a wide variety of people here on gather I just thought I would see What you thought, and you have come through with some great answers. Thank you very much.

I'm with Nathan

I would leave her off your list.
But I can tell there are mixed emotions about that.

Cookies sound like a great gift. And I would definitely include a handwritten note that doesn't have anything to do with Christmas. Just tell her that you'll glad she's joined the company, yada yada yada. I do get small gifts for the people I work with just as a token of appreciation.

I agree with those that say to give her an gift as an ordinary day... Even though the other gifts to office workers are christmas presents. Explain to her that you are giving everyone a small gift today and you did not want to not include her... as a token of you appreciation of all your coworkers.