September 8, 2008 - Outside Keokuk, IA (BIA) - In a surprise move, Barack Obama has pulled Joe Biden off the 2008 Democratic ticket, telling him that his services are no longer required on the campaign trail. Still reeling from the surprising selection of the stunningly beautiful Sarah Palin as the Republican Vice Presidential candidate, Obama has tapped Amber Lee Ettinger, more popularly known as the Obama Girl, as his new running mate.
Despite expected criticism of Obama as being "for Biden before he was against him," spokespeople for the Obama campaign indicated that the move was the right move at the right time. "We had to respond to McCain's bold pick," said a spokesperson, "and there is no denying it--Sarah Palin is hot!" The Obama camp is counting on Ettinger to elevate support (and blood pressure) in key blue collar areas.
In a new campaign video, "Changes We Can Believe In" the prospective Dem Veep appears in her skimpiest red, white, and blue bikini yet, which changes color against the backdrop of cityscapes in several battleground states. Voter registration reportedly has picked up in working class neighborhoods and college campuses.
Hillary Clinton's office issued a supportive press release, "the sisterhood of the traveling thong is something we all want to get behind." Bill Clinton has stepped up his joint appearances. The Obama children have asked Michelle Obama whether Ettinger is going to marry their dad.
Sarah Palin laughed condescendingly at a campaign stop, wrinkling her cute little nose and wagging her finger scoldingly. "I guess making naughty videos is a little like being governor of the biggest, oil rich state in this great country," she cooed. "Except that it's not near Russia and you're not in charge of the State Police and you can't build bridges--or NOT!" she screamed at the adoring, cheering crowd.
ABC news anchor Charlie Gibson reportedly asked Palin in an interview to be aired next week, "We all know you're, well, there's no delicate way to put it--hot. So are we going to see you ditch the suit for an Obama Girl outfit?" Palin reportedly answered that with all the economic problems in states like Ohio or Pittsburgh, there was no time to dwell on her incredible beauty.
Democratic strategists are privately worried that Ettinger will not be able make the case that she is the more experienced candidate, despite her heavy travel schedule that has taken her to "over two countries" during the last few years. They are also concerned that since Alaska is "near Russia," Palin will hold all the cards when the candidates debate international relations. "All we have is her body," one wonk said on deep background.
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Comments: 54
And come to think of it, I think the Pitt-Jolie clan has more foreign experience than Palin. I mean, Palin may have been governor of a state NEAR Russia, but Brangelina actually gave birth to one of their kids in Africa.
Robert F. and Julie Ann, yours is the kind of incisive thinking that demonstrates the greatness of our democracy.
I was so wondering how Biden could possibly hold a candle to Palin's natural feminine appeal.
Obama Girl... Yeah, that's the ticket.
Too Funny !!
Tough crowd here on Gather.
great one!!
http://digg.com/people/Obama_Dumps_Biden
Wax and a hot little mini skirt can do wonders.
Linda G. - There's a big difference between "Women's Lib" and "liberating a woman of her clothing," that's for sure. Obama will have to do a lot of explaining to erase the unmistakable impression that there is pandering to the non-discriminating voter here, and "identity politics" taking precedence over discussion of leadership and issues.