CAN'T BEAT 'EM?... BORN AGAIN...

Just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder.....

(I wonder how many political advertisers are lining up to sponsor this cultural milestone..)

PER DATELINE HOLLYWOOD:

Aspiring faith healers battle against each other for top prize

Hollywood ' Tapping into the success of NBC's 'Last Comic Standing,' the Trinity Broadcast Network (TBN) has decided to jump on the reality television bandwagon as it premieres 'Last Faith Healer Standing.' The show, which will be hosted by popular televangelist Benny Hinn, will feature ten up and coming faith healers as they live under one roof and compete against each other by using 'the power of God' to heal people. 'This is a great opportunity for me,' says Justin Mello, a 24 year old faith healer from Mobile, Alabama. 'I want to be the best faith healer in America. I can't wait to get my hands on those cripples. Just you watch America. These hands can freakin' heal!'

Hinn, who travels the world healing people at concert-like shows that charge as much as $150 per ticket, came up with the idea for the reality show.

'My profession is a very humble one. This isn't about personal gain, it's about healing people,' says Hinn while bathing in an African marble oversized bathtub at his luxurious estate in Miami, Florida. 'We want to cure the maladies of those who suffer. This is only about healing, and that's why you will see alliances being formed and a whole lot of backstabbing.'

Every week Hinn will take the faith healers to different venues where each person will have a chance to perform in front of an audience filled with cripples.

'My special move is the kickout,' says Roland Perillo, a 28 year old faith healer from Houston, Texas. 'I get a person whose legs are all messed up and need crutches to walk. After I do my healing, I kick those crutches right off the stage, and then it's magic time.'

Perillo admits learning the maneuver has required some trial and error.

'To get into this faith healing business, you have to go to a lot of open mike nights,' says Perillo. 'There have been quite a few times where I have done the kickout, and the cripple just hits the floor like a ton of bricks. I know it's sad to see especially when I break the crutches into a thousand pieces, but I have to learn my craft somehow.'

Matthew Lakson, a 37 year old faith healer from Portland, Oregon, is said to be the favorite going into the competition. For the last two years, he has been performing as the warm-up act to Televangelist Pat Robertson.

'It's really helped me out over the years doing this whole warm-up gig,' says Lakson. 'The hardest thing to do in this business is to go out there and start healing a cold crowd. That's why it's important to give away prizes like Jesus T-shirts and Heavenly Scented Candles. The crowd loves free stuff, and it puts them in an awesome mood to let me cast the demons out of their sinful bodies.'

There is only one female contestant on the show, Candace Bayles, a 24 year old woman from Albany, New York. According to producers, Bayles was extremely difficult to work with.

'She's just like Omarosa. Candace has got a lot of attitude and is totally full of herself,' says Darren Wartson, a producer on the show. But Bayles says people are just jealous of her.

'They know I just got it going on,' says Bayles. 'They know I am a very spiritual person who believes in peace and unconditional love, and if any motherf**ker says otherwise I'll stick my high heel so far up their ass they'll taste the dog sh*t I stepped in.'