Iranian president writes letter to Bush -- Anyone would like to guess what might be in the letter?

These are my own personal predictions so far.  Please feel free to add your own predictions of what might be in the letter!

VERSION NO.1

Dear George:

Kindly ship over all of your nukes to the Persian Gulf, c/o of Mr. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, so that Iran can effectively carry out its mission to annihilate Israel, and, while we're at it, the rest of this Gosh-darn heathenistic planet. 

Your BFF,

Mahmoud

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VERSION NO.2

Dear George,

Look.  Let's talk man to man and cut the B.S.  You KNOW you can't get out of this mess that you've created in Iraq.  Your approval ratings are currently as low as your IQ, and the rest of the world hates your guts.  Meanwhile, we, in Iran, have been building a frigin' airport in Southeastern Iraq, where every 3 days or so, we've been flying our intelligence crews and other people needed to stir up even more trouble in Iraq.  Now, you might have noticed that most of the Iraqis are Shi'ites, not Sunnis.  As luck would have it, so are most Iranians!  Even though Persians can't stand Arabs -- in fact, referring to an Iranian Persian as an Arab is pretty much equivalent to calling an African American the "N" word -- I personally think that we will be able to put up with them if they handed over the control of their oil and gas supplies to my government. 

Let's face it Dubya, you know diddly squat about the cultural and religious powers that impact every aspect of politics and economics in this part of the world, and you went into this whole Iraq deal not knowing what the hell you were doing or how the hell you were going to get out of it.  AND THAT'S WHERE I COME IN, MY FRIEND!  So have no fear!  Your pal, Mahmoud "James Bond" Ahmadinejad is here!

Lookie here:  You and your boys start pulling out of Iraq quietly, hell, even call it a "Mission Accomplished ACCOMPLISHED" before an even larger banner hanging from the U.N. building in NY for all we care!  Just make sure that you leave the oil fields and other natural resources in Iraq intact.  Iranian engineers are more than capable of handling the rest.  (Believe me, the Soviets, the Chinese, and the rest of that crew all taught them very well.)  While our engineers and scientists are busy siphoning the Iraqi oil supply into Iranian-labeled barrels to ship at astronomical prices to the rest of the world, our fine religious leaders will be busy in their efforts to ensure that the rest of the Iraqi population is so tied down with whatever the Mullahs tell them they should do in the name of Allah that they won't have a clue as to what is happening to them.  That way, no one will know, much less have the time to even question, how a secular regime in Iraq  was turned into anarchy and then slipped under the control of Iranian theocrats. 

As you can see, this plan works well for all involved.  Hey, who knows?  This plan might even start increasing your approval ratings and [gasp] silence the people who claim that you're not all that smart. 

So ... what do you say, pal?  Shouldn't we really get down and do what REALLY makes sense at this point?  Holla back at me soon, bro.  I ain't got much time or patience for your over-strategicizing.

BFF,

Mahmoud

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Ahmadinejad proposes 'new solutions' to world problems!

TEHRAN, Iran - Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has written to President Bush proposing "new solutions" to their differences in the first letter from an Iranian leader to an American president in 27 years, government spokesman Gholam-Hossein Elham said Monday.

The letter will be sent via the Swiss Embassy in Tehran which has a U.S. interests section, Elham told a press conference. Initially it seemed the letter had already been sent, but later Elham told reporters it would be delivered Monday.

In the letter, Ahmadinejad proposes "new solutions for getting out of international problems and current fragile situation of the world," Elham said.

Elham did not mention the nuclear dispute ? the major issue on which Washington and Tehran are at loggerheads. The United States is leading Western efforts to pass a U.N. Security Council motion censuring Iran for refusing to cease enrichment of uranium.

It is the first time that an Iranian president has written to his U.S. counterpart since 1979, when the two countries broke relations after Iranian militants stormed the U.S. Embassy and held the occupants hostage for more than a year.

Asked if the letter could lead to direct U.S.-Iranian negotiations, Elham replied: for the time being, it's just a letter."