the view out the window

hello friends! it has been a crazy month for me. you know how it is, when you adapt to all the variables in your life and are going along smoothly, and then KAPOW, something happens to tilt the apple cart?

in early february, on the day of the great blizzard, i tore some ligaments in my knee. i live with pain, constant and chronic pain. it has been that way for more than half my life. we get along tolerably, this pain and i. i've learned to adjust and adapt and ignore and push through when i can. it has been a protracted yet quiet battle, but one that i feel that i've come to terms with. so back to the torn ligament thing. lillie said i cried like a baby. i am sure i did. oh, i forgot how SHARP new pain can be. how utterly complacent i had become in my rubbing along with pain, and now this new one was added to the pile. AND, the torn ligaments are in my *good* knee.

our neighbor came and plowed out our driveway, and our little street. it took him 30 minutes. it took me forever to get to the car in the garage. it took us an hour to get to ER, which would normally take only 20 minutes. did i mention that ed is my knight in shining armor? yes, there you go. lucky, lucky me.  into ER, xrays, no broken bones, knee splint, more details that are eminently forgettable.  and a month in my wheelchair, going around the house, finally working up to a walker, now using a cane and any hard surface along the way. my universe has constricted quite severely...i've only gone out 3 times in 5 weeks - once to the doctor, and twice to sit in the driveway in my wheelchair while ed and lillie played in the snow. i miss fresh air. i miss taking pictures. i miss being able to be free, to get where i want. and this, too, is a memory - i've learned to walk many times, ater my accident 21 years ago, and after so many surgeries on my ankle. this bending of time in my mind takes me back to different places, and i remember standing a certain way, pain shooting me through, and yet persevering. ever persevering. for what else can you do, but move forward?

so these days, i am looking out at the lake (still frozen) from inside, instead of from outside...feeling the icy wind on my cheeks, breathing in pure cold fresh air, watching lillie skate or play or eat snow. now, comfortable and warm, i see the wind blowing the branches of our huge oak tree, and track the snow blowing in huge gusts across the lake. every saturday this winter, 4 piper cub tiny airplanes circle and land on the lake - dine at our lakeside restaurant down the block, and then majestically depart.  and, on sunny days, with a promise of spring, we laugh at the collective of ice fisherdudes, ever-vigilant in their task.  such is the view out the window.