A repetition of dreams. Uncircled thoughts. Unselected. Roamed about on her stage. The drama followed her instincts. A bunch of drowsy audiences. Invited by their fears of unrestrained light. An infection to their eye. Their only eye. Left. The other been washed away in their points of view. Bias.
The play continued, long after their only eye went to rest. The part they didn't see was compensated for, in their dreams. Dreams that were repetitions of each other. And therefore, alike.
Her acting was instincts. Missing. Next morning, from their interpretations. And interpretations said her play had a plot and a logical conclusion.
They never knew that the play went on forever. An infection that spread over to their lives.
Instinct had become their only eye.
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Comments: 9
This appears to be about the conscious versus the unconscious mind, especially as played out in dreams. You do great work with surreal imagery and koans (or paradoxes), as usual.
However, I'm having a lot of trouble "following" this piece-- it feels tangled to me.
I suspect that at some point, in at least some of your writing, you will need to do one or more of the following:
1. Make sure that your metaphors are used consistently throughout, or
2. Be clear about the narrator(s) point of view, or
3. Make your underlying message clear to your readers, or
4. Use a linear storyline. I know that a linear plot is your anathema, so I have listed it last. But use of a linear plot would allow you more leeway in other areas (such as imagery) without losing your readers.
I really admire your stream-of-consciousness style and your ability to break down the logical element in our view of reality. I understand that part of your message is directed at your reader's subconscious mind. But I think you may need to give our conscious mind a bit more of an anchor than you have here.
Readers don't exist when I write these. However, they are always there when I write a short story. I hope the above mentioned points don't interfere much there.
Thanks for your wonderful feedback.
Smile.
And I haven't read many of your longer pieces (short stories), either. Perhaps you could recommend one?
Here are a few links to my longer pieces - Glass, The World & A River Measured in Time
Of your short pieces, I think
this one is perfectly crafted and self-contained. I don't feel as if any of the above critiques apply to it.
Now that you are here, are you going to comment on The Clown's article? (I posted a link to my favorite of his short pieces as well).
You've made some very interesting points and Clown responded in a revealing way, sharing with us some of his creative processes.
So I don't have much to add to this discussion other than to say that yes, Clown does feel like a soul brother to me and I'm always looking forward to reading his stories and being inspired by them and his imagination.