Do you ever feel like you are a burden to those you love? When a loved one has a serious illness, they often feel like they are a burden. They need the praise of those who love them. They need to hear what they are good at because often they feel like they are no longer good at anything.
Serious illness can put a burden on the entire family but the one who is ill carries more of the burden than anyone can understand unless you have gone through it.
Often the family will do the chores that the sick member was doing before they got so sick. The family feels like they are helping and indeed they are but the sick member feels like the family can do without them. They feel unneeded.
Sometimes it is best to remind the sick person of the things they are still good at. Often they hear "You are doing better than you were." What the sick person wants to hear is "I am here to give you support when you need it. I am glad you are some better but when you get 100%, I will be so happy"
The sick person knows they are better then they were but they don't want to just be better, they want to be perfect again. It is a struggle for anyone who gets seriously ill.
A person who has a broken arm or leg gets a lot of "I am so sorry that you broke your ...." because one can see the problem. A person who has a serious illness that you can not see on the surface does not get that same treatment. A seriously ill person does not want sympathy - they want to know they are still important.
Often when someone gets seriously ill, they soon develop depression and anxiety as a result of the pain associated with the health problem.
I know that to some of you this makes no sense at all. However those who have a serious illness - knows all too well what I am talking about.
How do you deal with a serious illness?
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Comments: 30
I also have a blood disease that leaves me tired all the time. I don't know what it's like to be fully rested, but I've had it my whole life, so I don't usually feel like I'm missing anything either. There are times when my iron drops low enough that it would send a normal person into a coma, though, and that's kind of scary. I'm just sleepy all the time then. It happens just about any time I bleed much for any reason.
My husband does A LOT around our house. He's really good about doing it without complaining for the most part. His friends all say he's too whipped and needs to make me do it myself. Luckily my husband is more sensitive than the typical early 20's male. :)
We've already agreed that when my husband deploys for three or more months, Elliott and I will be going back to Missouri while he's gone. If it's 6 months or more, Elliott and I will get an apartment close to my parents, so they can still keep an eye out (I pass out at least once a month from the blood disease), if it's less than 6 months, we will just move in with them while my husband's gone.
I would love to be able to do all the cleaning and stuff that needs to be done all month, but it's just not possible for me to do it for at least a week every month!
I am so sorry that you are in such pain. I know how you feel. I have found out there are many of us on Gather who live in constant pain. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you to lighten your load. :)
I feel for you. I am glad that you do have family who are willing to keep checking on you and your son. It can be very difficult when you are tired all the time. I do hope things get better for you soon.
I know you are one who is in constant pain as well. I hope you get some relief soon. I did not mean to make you cry.
It's difficult when they can't see the illness and act like you should feel and act fine, do everything you used to do, when you really can't.
That is just how I feel. I try to do things and then end up in the ER.
It is a pride thing for sure. After all this time I JUST went and filled out a form for a handicap parking spot. It absolutely kills me to walk into a store after sometimes parking what seems like a mile from the door. I would just grab a cart and hang on. I refuse to use one of those little motorized carts because those are for people who 'need' them. After walking around a mall the other day I barely made it from store to store. I didn't know how I was going to get to the car. Hubby got the car, pulled it up to the door and then I paid for that little trip for 3 days. I decided then, it was time. It was the hardest thing I think I've ever done. UGH!
Connie, I certainly hope you are okay. You are always in my thoughts and prayers sweetie. If you need to talk, I'm here for ya.
Thank you for giving us all a chance to express how we feel among others who feel the same. Bless ya hon.
As I was always active, worked brought up 2 Children kept House and I loved it and then bang just like that I had to stop working, fortunately my Children where 15 and 18 then it now takes me hours to do my House work I have to do it bit by bit, everyone told me to sit down I was not suppose to do that anymore and this anymore
It is very hard to deal with a change like this even after 6 years of having it
I do the same thing. I hide it from the world and I try so hard to do what is expected of me but sometimes I can't do it. I get so tired and weak when I do just about anything. Know that you are not alone.
After the person is so ill for so long, they get depressed. It is at this point that they feel like a burden to the ones they love and yes they do feel like they are disappointing to their loved ones. They do often feel like their closest loved ones are ashmed of them. It is just the way depression works on the mind. In their hearts, they do not believe this but they will often say it outloud.
Know that your Father did know you loved him and it was just the depression talking. Depression is real and it does affect the way we feel and the way we think but it does not affect our hearts.
My husband is my best friend. He is great to help and makes sure the staff at the ER takes care of me but still sometimes I hear him "sigh" and it breaks my heart. I don't want to be a burden on anyone.
I rely on him and do ask him for help.
I am so glad you are able to get help at the store you shop at. I am also glad you are able to enjoy it. Good for you!!!
I know how you feel about the scooter. I have been hoping someone on freecycle would offer a wheel chair but nobody has yet. Sometimes the pain gets so bad that I cannot walk or talk. My husband has to carry me to the car to go to the ER for pain relief. It would be easier for him if we had a wheelchair.
Mental illness is a medical problem. Thankfully society is beginning to accept that fact. I am sorry your mother has to go through such problems from your family. My heart goes out to her.
What many people do not understand is that after you live with severe medical problems, it is quite common to develop depression as a result.
I am on the other side and have come to resent not only my partners disabilities and nasty attitudes but the way our lives and dreams of the future changed . He only cares about himself