Kathryn and the No-Good, Horrible, Very Bad Days - Good humor Monday

Rewritten but originally written in 2006. Presented now for Back to School and Back to Pre-School.

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On Monday, it was baby's birthday, and baby, being a blanket, needed a cake. So Muffin and I made a cake, but Teeden dumped mayonnaise and honey all over it, then stomped on it like a tiny bug. So Muffin kicked him and he kicked back while I had an Excedrin and a glass or three of wine.

On Tuesday, my stick shift stuck and I put four quarts of oil to make the car go, but it began to snow and the weather report said there would be white-out conditions all afternoon. When I got back, my car was lost in the drift blowing down the side of the house, so I shoveled out the car while I had an Excedrin and a glass or four of wine.

On Wednesday, I tried to cook, but found the burners coated with grease, and when I turned them on, they lit up like fireworks. So I dumped baking soda and water on them, and we went to the IHOP, where they do pancakes like nobody's business, but meals are better left uneaten. We came back stuffed but under the weather and I knew we must've eaten something wrong. So the kids threw up while I had an Excedrin and a glass or five of wine.

On Thursday, the snow melted, but flooded the town. My husband was away and I told them to play in the street. So I let them play while I had an Excedrin and a glass of wine or six.

On Friday, I picked up my husband at the airport, but didn't get the message his plane was delayed, so I came home without him, only to return for a later flight. This flight, too, was delayed, but my son was on the computer so I didn't get the message he'd taken a cab and arrived home before me.  So as he unpacked, I glowered at him and he at me while I had an Excedrin and treated myself to a bottle or three of wine.

Mama told me there'd be days like this.

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This is fiction, you know.

Copyright ©  2006, 2007, 2008 Kathryn Esplin-Oleski. All rights reserved.