Are you a killer? Do you try your hardest not to, but you just can't help it? Do you have friends that are killers too? How can you be a killer and a victim at the same time?
Me, I kill vacuum cleaners. Doesn't matter if I spend $50 or $500, the dagnabit thing gets clogged, breaks, loses suction, blows dirt out. I been through countless vacs, almost one every two years. Groovy Dave, he kills the tap. He can go into a bar and order a beer, either common or rare, either on tap or in a bottle, doesn't matter, it's going to be out. So is choice number 2 and sometimes 3. I think the record is 4. Pookie, she kills cars. Of course she is always loaned old cars, but if a car is going to die, she is going to be in it. Doesn't matter if she is the driver or the passenger. Don't, I repeat, DON'T ride in an unstable running car on the 35W-Hiawatha-94W-11th Ave clusterfrick exit. I think she's killed 3 different cars there alone. I also seem to have the weird ability for street lights to go out as I walk or drive by them.
What is it that you or your friends "kill". No living creature stories please, this isn't the place.
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Mostly


Comments: 31
BTW, I stood 10 feet from Elvis Costello last night. He was at the Arctic Monkeys show. Got a picture on my cell phone.
On another note, I for some reason am listening to Nirvana, Bleach. I haven't listened to it in literal years. It's totally reminding me of when I was in high school and went to see "The Year Punk Broke" with friends. I have not thought of that in a very long time…
I wish I could kill more squirrels, but they're pretty smart about jumping out of my way.
Joanne, please don't hurt the squirrels. You could ship them to me. I really miss the ground squirrels that were driven away from the bank behind our house.
I have a knack for killing windshields... It seems like everytime I'm in the car a rock flys up and hits the windshield!! I also kill plants, I wish I didn't!
I love spiders! I put them outside or just ignore 'em. Centipedes creep me out, but I simply ignore them, too.
I do swat at mosquitoes when they try to bite me.
(*Zpie waves at Ponce - hi hi hi hi!)
My ex looks at a glass and it breaks. Now I almost have too many glasses.
Hey Ponce! we're gonna have to throw you a bachelor party on thursday or Friday before the Big Day on Saturday! I'll order the cake and the strip o gram!
I live in an areal that has a lot of ground squirrels because there's still undeveloped land. On my way to the train station I drive by what's more or less a vacant lot (a couple of acres or so) at a National Guard base and dodge squirrels and jack rabbits. Every now and then there are wild turkeys. They'll all be gone in five years unless the housing market takes a dive.
There are 2 phone jacks in my not-unusually-small house. Only one works. I'm sure the house is complicit in some way I haven't figured out yet...
I'll get my costume ready!!!
(sw: Where did I put those assless chaps?)
sw: shouldn't the stripper come out of the cake?
Just watch me work now.