A sixteen ounce cup of coffee costs $1.49 at the Greyhound bus terminal in Denver Colorado. It is served in a Styrofoam cup with a flat plastic lid, where you have to tear the little tab and drink through a sloppy hole, but at least it is fresh. As I sipped blearily, meditating on dawn over a gray urban landscape, a day and a half way to my destination, a bank of game machines carried on the war, noisily, uninterrupted by human players. A foretaste of things to come?
There are few ways to wake up more uncomfortable than having napped a half hour on an all-night bus ride across the plains. The fact that it happens a dozen times in a handful of hours doesn’t seem refreshing. I stared at the polished composite floor, and it occurred to me that I would like to lie down, if only for a moment, but I did not. My mood was not bright. I kept thinking of how the receptionist in the emergency room of St. Luke’s hospital kept us waiting on a floor made of polished pebbles in concrete just like that, and she wouldn’t let my friend lie down on it even though he was dying. Cheerful stuff.
A little running toddler, wide awake and full of fun, runs up to the machine and grabs the steering wheel, gives it a sharp turn. “I do this mommy,” he calls to a young woman who has headphones and a goiter. She smiles a little but not much, for the room is crowded with idle men. Can’t be too careful. A slight smile might attract unwanted attention. “I do this,” the boy yells again, then runs to her to beg a quarter. Smart kid. How does he know it needs a quarter, at his age, already experienced at juke machines? She does not give him the coin, but he is off on a race around the naked wire tables near the vending machines, having already forgotten about the video game. The war goes on noisily, without him.
Last night’s woman marches archly through the room, towing her man who is grim in a black fur coat and a red cap. No trouble spotting that guy in a crowd. You already have learned they are going to Las Vegas, honey, and then to the All-Stars.
“You gonna have a good time,” you tell her as she takes the stool next to you at the coffee counter.
“You know that’s right,” she laughs, leaning in to press you shoulder to shoulder. A nice touch, you lean into her, just enough to let her know you like it. A sideways glance tells you she is made up fine, five forty-eight in the morning, sky blue eye shadow fresh on creaseless lids. She replies to that by nodding forward to loosen the tension on the low neckline of her chocolate satin blouse. Your eyes naturally fall where she wants them, and she laughs indulgently, having caught you looking. She touches your forearm, resting her long brown fingers with their hard manicured luscious Ferrari red fingernails. The waitress saves you from the woman of the moment with a chocolate sundae, the only thing on the menu that seemed to fit the venue and the ambiance. Dark syrup drizzled over vanilla ice cream. “MMM, that looks good,” last night’s woman of the blue eye shadow and red nails says, having become this morning’s woman too. But she leans back away from it as if it were a dangerous object.
“You want a bite?” You offer her the decadent tulip glass, nudging it toward her with a knuckle, but she doesn’t have a spoon. Her red cap has one, though. He used it to stir three creams and five sugars into his coffee before he went to the men’s room. “Go ahead,” you say. “You can use that spoon. I bet he won’t mind.”
“No, I shouldn’t.” She pulls in her chin to frown but delicately picks up the spoon, which is stuck to the napkin but comes off easy enough.
“Sure you can. Why not?”
“Well, just a little taste….” She dips the edge of the spoon into the syrup and melting cream, which swirls, then lifts it, waiting for the inevitable drip.
“Go on now, it’s ok. Get a good spoonful.” She suddenly grins like school girl and she plunges the spoon in to a hunk of chocolate covered vanilla ice cream. Her eyes light up with child-like guilt and glee as she takes the taste…
“Mmmm,” she hums, frowning a pout with her little finger at the corner of her classic ruby lips to save her lipstick. “My, that is good!”
“Yeah?” She nods enthusiastically, rolling her tongue and eyes sweetly, remembering what it was like once. So pleased, you can follow the sensate shiver through to her sphincter as she squirms with pleasure.
You take a clean swipe of the vanilla and dip it in the chocolate sauce and the maraschino cherry slides into the excavation.
“You got to eat that cherry, now,” she admonishes. The vanilla is smooth and chill, real ice cream from a scoop. You nod, picking up a stray drip with your paper napkin.
“I’m saving that for last.” You smile, and she returns your smile, which makes you think of cool sticky kisses.
“That’s right, you got to save that for last,” and your eyes meet hers, and you are reminiscing, and you know what she is thinking with her naughty eyes.
“You want it? You can have it.” You turn it toward her.
“Oh no honey that is for you.” But she is still holding the spoon.
“Go ahead. It’s alright.”
“No, but I’ll just have another little taste…” You nudge it toward her and she delicately inserts the shiny tip…”Oh, my…”
Now she puts the spoon down firmly on the napkin but she turns her stool toward you and gives you her full round face attention, both eyes on your mouth. You spoon up another vanilla chocolate sin and the cherry sinks in the rich brown creamy sauce to the bottom of the glass.
It’s the last spoonful and you lift the cherry in its bed of ice cream and chocolate. You wonder if you approach her lips, will they open…”
“Can you tie a knot in it?”
Thinking of her teeth and tongue, you miss the cue. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“In the stem,” she comes back quickly. “Can you tie a knot in it, with your tongue?”
It’s a challenge.
“I can do that.”
“Let me see.”
You look at her lipstick smile and you know you have already lost. Her eyes glitter like a teenager looking out from her clique. You don’t know if you can do it, but a challenge is a challenge. “What, is it a prize?”
“No, honey, it’s no prize. It’s a test. If you can do it, that means you got good tongue action.”
“Tongue action? What’s that?”
“You know what I’m saying?”
“I never heard of that.”
She laughs. “Oh honey, we got to bring you up to date.” She is looking at you sideways again. “You can tie a knot in it, that means you got good tongue action. That means you good with your tongue. You know what I’m saying.” She nods, self-affirming.
“Now I got to do it. I’m proud on that.” She laughs a good laugh and you like to hear her laugh.
“You proud on that?”
“Yeah.”
She laughs again, and you like watching her laugh, too. She will laugh again later when she tells this to her girlfriends. “Well it’s a test, you know. You can test yourself on it.”
You try and try, knowing you look as ridiculous as a wine taster tasting a wine that has gone subtly sour. She watches you, but in the end, she is disappointed. You can’t do it. Finally the stem all but dissolves against your teeth.
Her red cap has come back from the bathroom, and the bus driver has finished eating his breakfast and is paying his bill. It is soon time to go.
You feel a little sad, but she touches your shoulder as she gets up. “It’s ok, honey,” she says. “You can buy you a whole jar of maraschinos when you get home, and practice all you want.” And she walks away, and you want to watch, but her man in the red cap and black fur coat follows close behind, and covers her.


Comments: 13
So, I am a little dissappointed that there are no comments and no ratings. No big deal, I am not going to shoot myself over it. Just that I have been hopeing for some feedback and kind of lonely that I don't get any. This thing has been posted here for a week.
Isn't anyone offended by this racy piece? Is no one interested enough to say "Good job, but rambling. I give it a 5." Maybe the thought of a sexual relationship over an icecream sundae at a Greyhound bus terminal cafe counter is just too dismal to contemplate. Doesn't anyone realize that there is no cafe counter at the Denver terminal?
Oh well. I guess I could take the deafening silence as a sign that the audience is too stunned to reply. Yeah, that's it. Stunned into silence.
Thanks anyway for the feature slot. I'll keep trying.
R.
thanks again,
R
Check here and email me. hehehe.
I wish to be so comfortable with dialog.
Sexual innuendos are appropriate to some genres and not to others--nothing more than that. For me, finding sex in otherwise mundane situations has become for our sex-obsessed age a kind of pastime that is easily overdone because it is done so often. The way nudity ceases to be erotic in a nudist colony. If it is your choice of subjects, then you must find a new and original way of dealing with it or else be content with a regulation 30 days on bookstores' genre shelves, and starvation wages.
I am concentrating on your subject and its treatment because your writing is perfectly competent. The usual things that trip up inexperienced writers like awkward transitions, overuse of 'he said / she said,' poor word choice, etc., do not seem to be a problem.
Just keep writing.
Thank you for the kind comments.
Actually I almost never write about sex. I don't very often ride on Greyhound, either, so this was all new to me. I can tell you, the people I have met on Greyhound are worth a novel. I have thought it would be a great adventure to buy one of those travel passes and just ride around for a few months, writing about the experiences.
However, this encounter seemed special to me. The young lady in question was an exotic beast in my experience. I stay home a lot. I was delighted to talk with her. She said and did things that surprised me, and in a way that I found both amusing and positive. Also she was very pretty.
Anyway I have one advantage as a writer. No one pays me to do it, so I can write about anything that strikes my fancy. As to wages, I can tell you that starvation wages would be a considerable step up for me. Maybe I should try a 30-day wonder just for the honor of it. I am totally unpublished now, so it would be a thrill to see my book in the bookstores, dimestores, discount houses, trash bins. At least it would be a book.
I write several hours a day on average and have been doing that since high school, many long years and a couple of trunks full of notebooks ago. I can hardly imagine not writing at this point. Writing, drawing pictures (not very good pictures, but it entertains me and is inexpensive) and studying math and physics is about all I am interested in any more. I have read thousands or maybe tens of thousands of books but I don't do that as much as I used to. There was a time when I read about a book a day.
I took a look at your namespace and saw just enough of your writing to know that I want to read more of it. When I get caught up I will give your articals the time they deserve.
Pleasure to meet you.
Richard
I see you are a true bibliophile, a member of an unsung but fascinating world. If you have not done so already, you might look up librarything.com; it's a great place to keep a record of all your books, and find other junkies, from anywhere with internet access.
The phrase "inexperienced writer" I used earlier clearly does not apply to you—published or not. Although I have only seen a couple of your pieces on gather.com, an initial impression is the only thing standing between you and being published is a finished work (which, of course, may exist) and an agent. If you have any doubts about this, go to a bookstore, ask for where they keep genre ficiton and browse a bit. It should be clear writing requirements are not high—indeed, much of it is pretty bad. Once you have a novel ready, it is more a question of jumping through the right hoops; though perhaps I should say finding the hoops.
A friend of mine has published 15 books in genre markets. She had not written anything when she decided it was what she wanted to do and had to teach herself. Now, she can finish a book in as little as 6 weeks.
Just keep writing.
I know what you mean about the quality of genre fiction. I have been looking at the first chapters contest entries, which I should say include some promising work. This became largely a matter of reading first paragraphs. Maybe Gather should sponsor a first paragraph competition. There was just too much of it to keep up. I ended up reading only the ones that didn't offend me immediately.
So to get some balance, I went to a drug store and opened every book on one of the racks to the first chapter. Most of them had long prologues, but I decided to be a purist and only look at the actual chapters one.
This isn't the usual way I choose books. Generally I check the heft and the odor of the binding glue first. If this pleases me I open to some where in the middle and read a few lines. That is almost always sufficient to make me put the book back down again.
If I find myself gobbling paragraphs, I check the price. If it seems reasonable and I have the money, I let it set for a while and check some other offerings. Then I decide among the best ones, if there are any. Often I get weary of the process before I find anything satisfactory. If I can't find anything to read, I go buy a loaf of bread (it's an inside joke).
Anyway I decided this time to ignore my usual procedure. I ignored the florid and obnoxious cover art, didn't check on the weight, odor, quality of binding, or amount of sulfur in the paper. I just went down the row and picked up one after another.
It was irritating having to try to find the page on which the first chapter begins. The prologue in many offerings is as long as or longer than the chapters, and publishers don't seem to want to bother starting the first chapter with page one anymore. Good books usually have roman numerals for the forwards, comments, contents, introductions, acknowledgements, and advertising detritus, but they don't seem to care about that in the drug store aisles. They just start numbering like Arabs wherever it seems convenient.
You are right that the quality of writing did not stand out. It usually was not technically incorrect, but mainly uninspired. I do have an aversion to graphic sex and violence, especially on a first date. Or on a first glance, or on the first page in the first paragraph. (The date thing was another joke. I haven't had one in years and years.)
If I am going to be subjected to graphic sex and violence, I prefer to be seduced first, and I prefer the two offenses not to be too closely connected to each other. When I was a boy I read all of Ian Fleming, but he usually had the old fashioned grace to save the sex until after the violent bits.
I wondered about the close proximity even then. It appears to me, now that I am educated, that murder and rape have high value as genetic survival factors. Maybe that is why I have reached an age where I can be objective about sex without having achieved any progeny.
Thanks for the link to librarything. I'll take a look. I think I may have been there once before, but didn't get involved due to the several tons of books I have stored in boxes in my kitchen. It would take an unconscionably long time to go back through them, much worse to record titles and authors. My kitchen is in a remote wilderness and has no electricity, so the work would have to be done in daylight, or I would have to carry the tons of boxes to town. Then I would have to sit at the library or at one of the few internet cafes in my area, and my welcome in those places is tenuous already. I don't think the management would like me carrying in boxes of old musty paper to sort through over my usual double espresso.
Anyway it looks to me now as if I may soon retire from internet life. I have been hosted for the past two months by some very nice people who have wireless at home and are usually away all day. They don't mind if I sit at their kitchen table and drink coffee and peer into a view screen for hours and hours at a time.
I came here on invitation because unforeseen circumstances resulted in my running out of firewood in January this year. It had been a mild winter up until then, but February and March can be particularly cruel. My hosts have been very generous, but I can't impose on them forever, and deep in my heart I suspect that part of their tolerance of my presence has to do with their inability to imagine what they would have to do with my frozen corpse and all those tons of papers stored in my log hut. I would suggest matches, but they are too deeply entrenched in our cultural norms to consider that seriously.
My neighbors report that it is still snowing in our woods, but the snowstorms at this time of year are interspersed with periods of melt, a time we call mud season, or just mud. Locals know exactly what you mean if you say "I'll be back in time for mud, unless I get delayed, but I definitely want to get home before bugs."
Of course I will try to stay in contact here at gather, (thank whatever g-ds you prefer for those wonderful people at gather!) but I won't have the luxury of writing these long, meditative passages.
I am so pleased to hear you are friends with an actual paid writer. It is just such company I had hoped to find here. I would be overjoyed to leap through the required hoops if I thought I could make any sort of living at it, and if, as you say, I could just find them. The only hoops I seem to find have to do with scrubbing floors, cleaning up poop, and watching out for the health and safety of people who tend to show their appreciation by punching me in the face.
I had a job in a used book store once (heaven!) but the owner (no, I was not the owner) gamboled and drank heavily. I just loved that man, in a strictly heterosexual kind of way, but the roof of the building was collapsing and there was no money in the till and I left like a rat before the plague, before the business fell to the mercy of the IRS.
It is my pleasure to mix tragic realism with humor. What genre is that?
Best,
Richard
I have no doubt that you could be a paid author if you chose. I will be sorry to see you leave Gather for your cabin in the woods. I live in the woods also and the snow is now turning to mud here too. Thankfully our bug season is not too bad (so far anyway) here.
Best wishes, j.
I do plan to stay in touch.
Thanks,
Richard
I'm new to Gather and got to this story...jeez, can't remember the links and jumps right now. Just wanted to say this is very good, tight writing. Clean images and concision in character description. No bullshit. Good stuff. Here's a great bit that stands out:
"Last night's woman marches archly through the room, towing her man who is grim in a black fur coat and a red cap. No trouble spotting that guy in a crowd. You already have learned they are going to Las Vegas, honey, and then to the All-Stars."
Really excellent juice in there. I'm going to join this group.
I just posted an article, My First Love-In. Check it our if you like - Frankjz.gather.com.
I've also got a blog going at www.mysocalledparadise.com.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
fz
frankjz@gmail.com