The refrigerator hums along in middle C

The refrigerator hums along in middle C.

Slicing an onion, I cut myself; blood oozed, a rivulet; juice ran to the cut like maggots debriding a wound; I felt cleansed; the pain ate at my reserve, threatening my blood-frozen coldness, perverse pleasure in the pain.

I waited for my reserve to thaw; defrosting the fridge, I waited for the ice to melt; your words kept my blood to ice.

Today, the contractors knocked down a wall; I'm numb.  Thinking  of our last fight, my reserve remains walled, my blood to ice. I'm waiting for the thaw. The refrigerator hums along in middle C.

You're fighting your war; you hope to return whole, or in pieces. You're fighting a war with me - you hope to return whole, or in pieces.

 You hope you can return, period. My  reserve remains walled, my blood to ice.  I'm waiting for the thaw. The refrigerator hums along in middle C.

Today, I made Anne an omelet; she ate none of it, refused all food.  The marriage eats at her appetite.  Michael stews in his room. 

I go about my business, feeling nothing, my reserve walled, my blood to ice. I'm waiting for the thaw. The refrigerator hums along in middle C. 

There will be no more progress. Taking an axe, I smash the last wall, hoping for my reserve to break, my blood to warm, as I wait for the thaw.

Today, the refirigerator stopped working, its hum a drumbeat that measured my despair in song, now silenced.

Tomorrow will be another day. I hope for progress, some or little.

Outside, the robin sings.Spiritu, Spiritu, E tu, E tu; Cheerily, Cheerily, Cheerup, Cheerup.

I packed my bags. The thaw begins.

*   *   *    

This is in the fictional series on marriage and family.

Previously:

First: Love Begins

Second: The summer I found the rabbit in the road

Third: Just when I need you all so damn much

Fourth: The refrigerator hums along in middle C

Fifth: Film at 11

Sixth:Now it all begins to make sense, at the 11th hour

Seventh:  When spring fails to come and the sun sets forever 

These were originally on Gather last year under a different title; they have been rewritten since that time.

Copyright © 2007 Kathryn Esplin-Oleski