This is the hardest thing I hope I ever have to write.
My youngest son is a beautiful child I am often told along with he is very intelligent, a skilled athlete, very confident and extremely creative.
However, he is a handful. He’s a nine year old boy!
I am beaten down to the core of my very being by people who suggest medication to calm him down.
My husband and I were recently victims of an “intervention” by two mothers who had placed their boys on such medications. I know their sons and, in my opinion, the medication either has not helped much or, OMG, what monsters they must have been before!
I had my son evaluated by a psychologist in 2006 for ADHD and was told by the doctor that he is considered borderline but most of his behavior is just that “behavioral”. We, his parents, have not kept a tight enough rein on him.
This is true. We are rather lax.
I have since spoken with another child psychologist who suggests I just try caffeine in the form of black coffee (no sugar or cream). I have to agree that a little caffeine sure helps me to focus! She also discussed with me the side effects of different drugs on the market. I am very concerned. To me, weight loss on an already lean frame, is not a healthy side effect. And wouldn’t irritability in the afternoon and evening become a problem with activities like Cub Scouts and Church?
I do not mean to sound like an anarchist but I keep having this vision on Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall” and the line “If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding.” Yes, I am aware that “Another Brick in the Wall” is about growing up in post-war England but what I am trying to point out here is that we (drug wielding Americans) are trying to create a generation of conformists and using medications to gain mind control. If my son doesn’t “take his drug” he can’t play with the other children!
It is a conspiracy, people, and I am having a difficult time stepping to the beat of it!
I embrace both my son's for the unique individuals they are.
I blame myself. I must also suffer from ADHD because I would much rather be writing this article than doing dishes or cleaning the bathroom. It is difficult for me to “rein them in” when I am more of a “free spirit”. Is there a drug out there that will help me to “conform” to housework! The very idea that there probably is one is very disturbing. What is going to happen to my children’s generation when they have to spend their life addicted to behavior controlling medication instead of just learning “self” control?
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Comments: 37
Has your child been through an actual battery of tests to test for fine motor, gross motor, as well as attention-concentration deficits? Fine motor (handling a spoon, fork, - using the over the hand-over toddler method, or the proper method. Most kids who have ADHD have a lot of fine motor issues, and have difficulty with penmanship, spoon grasp, as well as buttoning their clothes, tying their shoes, even at 9 or even beyond.
When taking behavior modifying medications, am I taking a proactive step to treat the problem or just turning off a part of my brain that makes me "me"?
We later tried Wellbutrin, which is for depression as well as for weight loss or smoking (it is for compulsions, actually - why is why it works on the above name issues) and it did not work as well, but it did help.
Next, in 2002, Strattera became available, which is the only NON-stimulant medication. The concentration was greatly improved and we tried this for a few years. However, the side effect of appetite loss and even nausea and vomiting became too much, so we tried Ritalin and Concerta.
We had tried Concerta, but he had a horrible side effect because he chewed the pill. Concerta is simply a time release of methylphenidate, which is Ritalin. Ritain itself is short acting, about 6 hours, which explains why kids who are on regular Ritalin are fine in school but are seen to 'act up' again when they are home.
When he chewed the Concerta (several years ago) he had a horrible panic attack in the car...
Last year, he tried Conerta again (he is now in College) and it worked quite well but his appetite was quite reduced and he could not sleep.
So the doctor suggested Focalin instead of Ritalin. Focalin is levamethylphenidate -levo means that it operates on the portion of the neurotransmitter to reduce the side effects. So Focalin is simply Ritalin that has been altered to reduce the side effects of appetite loss and sleeping difficulties. Focalin is short acting. My son takes it to go to his job. Last night he did not work until mid-afternoon, so he took Focalin then. He was up late at night because of this, and also because he did not take any Benedryl to help him sleep.
More in an email later. Having a good solution is better than worrying. Each medication has its problems, but finding one that works is better than trying to cope with an out of control child. It really does not have anything to do with parenting; we ran track, did sports, scouts, church, lots of free sports time, TV, games, and we were run ragged. Excercise does tend to quell that nervous feeling that kids and people with ADHD have. Kids or people with ADHD love to play video games and be on the computer.
Having a good indepth workup with a complete WISC-R battery of tests will help determine whether there are learning disabilities such as spelling (common) and also whether there are non-verbal (visual-spatial) LD (very common) that are out of proportion to general knowledge of basic intellectual capabilities. My son scored nearly off the chart in verbal IQ - knowledge, intellect, reading - but was a lot lower in the performance IQ - visual spatial, hands-on, organization, life skills, etc.
It is important to take care of this at your son's age because it usually does take a lot of trial and error and a lot of time. It is not behavioral, but is really a neurological disorder in the firing of neurotransmitters that is usually inheritied. Some kids with ADHD are also gifted, some have severe LD but most fall somewhere in the middle.
The behavorial problems are secondary to not being understood or getting proper recognition and treatment for ADHD.
Get a better workup and then try a medication. You will be glad you did.
Kids with ADHD are often EXTREMELY sensitive to Caffeine and often cannot tolerate ANY caffeinated drinks. The idea that kids often have a counter effect to medicine - ritalin is a stimulant but calms kids down - DOES NOT APPLY to CAFFEINE. Ritalin stimulates certain areas of the brain to calm down, if you understand that contradictory statement.
Thank you so much the testimonial.
My son went through the battery of tests costing us over $400 dollars above our insurance deductible. He has excellent fine motor skills (but chooses to write messy), he can draw with such amazing detail and accuracy, is of above average intelligence and social skills (conversation and understanding the feelings of others) and does not have an impulse disorder.
Adderal and Concerta were suggested to "try" and yes, caffeine was recommended by a psychologist...not a medical doctor. The stimulant actually helps with focus.
I have done the research on both of these as well as several other medications.
As far as diet…I have always tried to feed my family healthy foods and limit sweets. However, my son does not eat well when at school. When eating in the cafeteria he only eats the roll, dessert, and chocolate milk.
My oldest son went through this phase but outgrew it. Now he eats pretty much whatever is served. I was hoping Ross would overcome his food issues but the wait may be more harm than good.
My youngest will probably be packing his lunch this upcoming year.
As far as my lax parenting…
Unfortunately for my children I am very creative and I tend to get absorbed in what I am doing. My children have either learned this behavior from me or have inherited it from me. I tend to not "take care of business" like housework or boring tasks like laundry until it piles up. They are not learning how to do things they find boring or just plain don't want to do! Like me, when either of my boys wants to do something…they give it all they've got. If they don't want to do something, well, there are usually some discipline issues.
My husband is a pilot and works one week out, one week home. He is not able to provide the constant source of discipline either boy needs when he is away and when he is home, frankly, he just doesn't want the turmoil.
Thank you for your input.
And Bill,
I think you get my drift.
Thank you for your testimonial.
The psychologist suggested Adderall or Concerta (I don't remember which on specifically) because it could be given during the school week with a "break" on weekends. She recommended a low dose (of course) to begin with.
Behavior modification is a key issue here, regardless or medication. If there were no "medications" out there, we would still have to deal with this issue. My son is not violent or mean. He is the class clown but, in today's society, that is no longer acceptable! He does well in school as far a grades. He just does not know what to do with himself once he has finished his work and he is bored.
We have encouraged reading. We have asked his teachers to help him with that. Ross loves to draw but will not stop drawing in order to pay attention when the teacher is talking. I feel reading would be best because the teacher would see him with a book in his hand. However, the teacher is too busy with the other students and does not have time to check on Ross. Funny how she always finds time to write his name on the board or send me a little a note...but doesn't have time to say "Ross. Shouldn't you be reading your library book?" Homeschooling is looking better all the time!
But I digress...
The fact that he does not care to read as a hobby concerns and confuses me because his father and I read a lot. You would think he would see how much we enjoy it and pick up on the notion.
I have four kids with a stay-at-home-dad. Two boys are ADHD on ritalin (10mg in the morning, 10mg after lunch). I can't begin to tell you what a life-changing moment it was after they were medicated. One is extremely bright, artistic (won several awards in art shows), loves to read, and is very creative (always making something out of nothing), but had always suffered from melt-downs over minor issues (those stopped after he was medicated).
My other son, although ADHD, is a different personality, very happy-go-lucky and extremely bright, a third-grader reading at the level of a six-grader...but he doesn't like to read! The important thing is that the meds help them to focus on the classroom assignments when there are so many distractions in school to begin with...other kids talking, posters and other things all over the walls, etc.
After our son was diagnosed, my hubby was diagnosed with ADHD, which ended a long-suffering life at the hands of an undiagnosed mother with ADHD. He said, "I can't believe there's a whole tribe of people out there like me!"
I highly recommend checking out Dr. Amen's web site...I also read his wonderful book. You'll be glad you did.
http://www.brainplace.com/bp/
No, you're not lax parents...do NOT blame yourself. And do not for one single second believe there's a conspiracy out there. I used to think that way until our lives got back on track.
You wrote: "What is going to happen to my children's generation when they have to spend their life addicted to behavior controlling medication instead of just learning 'self' control?" Taking my diabetic medications does not make me addicted. I need it to live longer. Taking my ritalin does not make me addicted. I need it to live a quality life.
You mentioned something about the distractions in classrooms like posters on the wall.
I have been in classrooms where I feel the room was over decorated and the children were chaotic.
In one particular kindergarten classroom, every window panel had a different color fabric panel, there were posters on just about every square inch of wall, there was a large mutlitcolored alphabet rug on the floor, lamenated letters hanging from the ceiling, and the bulletin boards were decorated in flashy colors.
I did a research paper in college on color and its effect on stimulating the brain...and believe me, that room would instill hyperactivity in a sloth.
I was there with my rabbit to talk about how to care for pets and had a headache from trying to keep the kids calmed down. They all wanted to "Pat the Bunny"!
In the workshops I attended the parent liaison (whose son was ADHD) mentioned the use of tissue paper in the panels that cover the fluorescent lighting to help reduce the glare and calm the kids down. Also, she had provided at the workshops bowls of pipe cleaners so that the parents could fiddle with them during the workshops (knowing how they like to be kept busy while listening). The pipe cleaners are a great tool in the classroom for kids to "play" with while the teacher is talking...if the pipe cleaners fall to the floor it's quiet.
I've been fortunate to have teachers who were very understanding by virtue of their experience not only with students with ADD/ADHD but having children of their own who lived with it and had gone on to lead very productive lives. I did not have a positive experience with my son's Kindergarten and first grade teachers who thought he was being a nuisance, popping up out of his chair, always being stuck on the first question, when everyone else was on their fifth question, when he liked to pick up staples on the floor to make necklaces for his sister. It wasn't until third grade when, hallelujah, his teacher high-fived him and said, "Welcome to the club!" Turns out she was severely ADHD and her own son was ADHD, ODD, and bipolar. That was a major turning point for us in recognizing that not all teachers are clueless.
Loved your description "hyperactivity in a sloth." - LOL! I noticed that with each progressive grade, the rooms get less and less decorated.
Believe me, I know about getting headaches, being accosted by kids and being pulled in four different directions in stores...until I was medicated. Now all I do is laugh and revel in all the noise and the busy-ness. My life is more organized, giving me one less worry to deal with, while I enjoy my family.
You had mentioned wanting to only write rather than mess with chores. I'm the same way, and that's because I'd rather focus on something I enjoy. I have to go to a quiet place to write, so hubby will take the kids out for the afternoon so I can focus on what I enjoy. That's why it's taken me five years to complete my yet-to-be-published novel. =:o)
However, by the same token, the meds have also helped me to get my butt moving, to do the chores as well. One of the tough things about having ADD is the inability to be self-motivated enough to do the things we dread. =:o)
I know in missouri they have these groups for 9-12yrs, and 13-16 yrs. Actually everyone should at least pick up a book on it. Marsha Linehan is the designer of the program and has wrote a "how to" guide that these classes are based on. I know as a parent it has helped me be less fustrated and more understanding toward my family and friends,.... I think for generations people have been devalued, not appreciated and invalidated. This shows how to validate emotions and take responsiblity for them. Its OK to cry, its ok to be angry, but what is causing these emotions. I think of DBT as building blocks. This is a without medication program, but does work well if you happen to be on a mood stablizer or ADHD Meds. Everything comes into play when everyone know how to communicate well with each other. You can check out this book in the Library "Skills Training for Treating Borderline Personality" Borderline personality is very common., I've seen eating disorders, ADHD, Drinking problems, angry people etc. the list goes on and on. These are just really important skills to have. I am talking from experience. A google search of Borderline Personality is helpful at times. I've been to these groups and they range from professional people (with caotic lifes) to homemakers, I think I would have ended up divorced and my children torching little animals if I hadn't taken these classes.
Its worth a look.
One of the six children ages 23-14 that I have been staying home to raise for the past 14 years was diagnosed as borderline for the disease and I strongly resisted the idea of medicating it. I felt then and continue to feel that the diagnosis was too easily made with too little study. Nonetheless, the family physician to whom I have been married since I was in medical school 30 years, has several patients who sport the diagnose and take the drugs.
Rather than make "me too" arguments on either side of the argument, I would like to move back to your description of the situation which indicates that your problem may be significantly contributed to by your not being strict enough.
When my daughter was being diagnosed with borderline ADHD, I too, contended that her behavior of flying off of the handle with over-reaction was just that and we began to deal with the undesirable behavior as just that, undesirable behavior. Now, six years later, the girl still has occassional exaggerated reactions to things, including but not limited to her sibling "jerks'" (her words not mine) bad deeds, but we address them when they come up instead of her being consistently medicated to a more reasonable baseline level of aggression like your neighbors children are.
My concern is that when parents obtain the diagnosis of ADHD for their children and begin giving them the drugs prescribed, they then stop taking any other actions to correct the undesired behavior (because it requires a tremendous investment of life's eight precious resources of self, time, effort, energy, emotion, intellect, property and people). I am all for some degree of lenience and latitude when raising children. Why parents are overly so, however, their children get "out of line" on a regular basis and the parents then have to step in and take remedial action.
Too often, children are not required to deal with the behavioral issues confronting them and we end up with situations that we feel are "beyond our control."
Dealing with this issue of ADHD vs. mere misbehavior is one topic that is never going to go away. If you are not willing to get the diagnosis and the treatment for ADHD, then you are going to have to handle the misbehavior in a concerted manner. Your kids may not be as bad as your neighbors, but they are causing relationship problems that must be addressed.
Good luck with it and them.
You have been a great help! Thanks for all the feedback.
Angela,
Yes, I have heard about DBT and we are doing a lot with behavior modification right now. Positive and negative. The negative (which I think is positive) means doing 10 push-ups for undesirable behavior. A good recommendation given my someone who has a son.
I had to take my 14-year old to the doctor today for an allergic reaction that resembled pink eye.
We have known our pediatrician for 8 years both professionally and as Scout parents.
He and I discussed medications and he gave me a DVD to watch.
I was concerned about my teenager because his grades did not fair too well in Science this past year (8th grade). In part because was that it was the last class of the day. Even the teacher admitted to this. He just did not turn in his daily work. His tests grades were fine. But try to average a 0 with a 95 and what do you get?
The pediatrician recommended first that my teenager try to get more sleep. He is a definitely a night owl! He recommended melatonin (natural remedy) to see if that helped him to get to sleep and whether it a good night's sleep improved how he felt during the day. And guess what...he suggested caffeine for my teenager but in its natural form, preferably TEA w/out sugar, only in the morning to avoid interference with his sleep. That means NO COKES! Which I strongly discourage anyway. Come to find out...he'd been buying cokes at school during the afternoon recess!
I had filled out the parent's evaluation form and was brutally honest about my opinion of my son's behavior. The pediatrician reviewed the evaluation and said that the score was low and that my son is, well, a teenager but explained to my son that if he felt he could do better, then he should try to do better first, before medication. This is coming from a man whose daughter is taking ADHD medication. He also gave Gray his email address and told him to email him with any questions he might have.
I am so pleased to have a pediatrician like this. I trust him not to prescribe medication just because it is the "popular" thing to do.
My youngest son, however...let's just say, I made him a consutlation appointment for next week.
Geri
To quote my mother when it comes to my 9-year old "If he wasn't so cute! I'd beat him!"
My son is not mean or ill-tempered, he is "the clown" and a bit too fidgety for anyone to stand for. He is usually just being silly or goofy that gets on people's nerves.
One of the behavioral issues that may seem strange, but I would like some feedback on, is that my son does not "play wrestle" well. He does not know when to quit. I told my husband (whose father was away most of his life and died when my husband was 16) that my father and brother wrestled almost every night way into my brother's college years...and my father was 42 years older than my brother! My husband's father did not wrestle with him.
I believe boys wrestling with their father is very important and socially educational. It helps them to burn off energy (and testosterone) while learning limits (it is just for fun) because there is a stopping point.
My husband doesn't wrestle with my boys and not because he is unable...he's a big man 6'3" in very good health and we have a large open area in out living room with plenty of room to roll around. I never bought a coffee table for this very reason!
I thought that is just something dads did with their sons.
AM I WRONG about the whole wrestling thing?
Geri
And you just described my Ethan (11) and Matthew (9) who are always clowning around, but sometimes they go too far and end up accidentally spilling something, knocking something down, or hurting siblings. And they don't know when to quit!
My husband was the same way as a child, wrestling with his older brother, so he knows the limits to these matches. My husband's always on the floor with the kids, doing this, but when he says, "STOP!" they stop.
I don't know if it's a general rule or not about fathers wrestling with their kids. My father never did it with any of us 8 kids, and my husband's father never did it with him. My hubby, though, always wished his father did for the same reasons you cited, for burning off energy, social bonding, etc.
The other day when my husband took off his shirt, my daughter exclaimed, "Dad, you look bullied up!" He's always been accident-prone all his life because he's so impulsive and gangly. Not a day went by it seemed that he didn't spill a glass of milk or something. He's got scratches, cuts, bruises, old scars, etc. I'll ask him, "What happened there?" And he'll shrug and say, "I can't even remember."
It had been recommended to me that the kids get enough sleep. They complain that I put them to bed too early (7:30pm on school nights), but I know they're going to be in bed, wired, thinking about the day, before they finally drift off to sleep. Someone had also suggested to me that the child, if their brain is still engaged, thinking about all the things that happened that day or worried about what will happen the next day, have them write it down or talk into a tape recorder. I find that my brain won't shut down at the end of the day until I write it down (I'm a huge list-maker as well as hubby).
In case you're interested, I wrote an article called "Magnificent Creative Life Force" at http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474977065149.
I think you're doing a fabulous job with your beautiful, creative son!
Ever notice how the Nanny doesn't recommend meds?
She encourages behavior modification through structure and discipline.
Debra,
I guess the caffeine theory has its proof.
Geri
Thank you so much for shedding a new light on the subject.
Neither of my sons have yet been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD we are just trying to find out why they are not PERFECT little angels that make straight A's, do EVERYTHING they are told, NEVER argue with anyone (especially each other) and why they are not excelling in every sport!
I mean, REALLY!
Isn't that what is expected! AND...if they can not perform to the these standards...then they should be medicated! RIGHT?
Sorry...I am venting! It has been a very long day.
Perhaps it is from my lack of sleep!
Actually, it IS from my lack of sleep.
We have fallen into a bad cycle around my home this summer. It seems no one goes to bed (except the dog) before midnight and we are griping at each other all day.
I think you are making a very good point, Cynthia.
There are other things like sleep deprivation to consider including the fact that maybe we are expecting too much from our children.
Compare my youngest to a typical boy his age...I doubt he would stand out. HOWEVER, compared to three boys I know that are on ADHD medication, my son is well-behaved.
Yes, I know levels of ADHD and ADD vary but you wouldn't give a person who MIGHT have diabetes insulin would you?
Now with sincerity...
Thank you to everyone who is offering suggestions. As you can tell this is very scary and difficult for me. I worry about giving my children antibiotics and cold medicines.
I truly appreciate the words of advice from people who are or who have family members diagnosed with ADHD or ADD and are willing to enlighten me on the subject.
I know a child who has been on a variety of different prescriptions to control ADHD and mild high functioning Autism, and when I see him, I think he's just a spectacularly bright and sweet little boy, who I can't fathom having any form of disability, but his mother insists that I don't know what he's like without the medicines. I know it's hard for them, because every few months as hes growing older, the have to re-evaluate his drugs and sometimes change their type or dosage, but I can't help but wonder what the longterm sideeffects will be, and that frightens and saddens me.
With you admitted issues concerning structure, I think home schooling would not be a good fit for you and your son. ADHD people need and many times crave the structure that school provides. One important issue for anyone with ADHD is they need to have teachers that they click with. Being in a class with a teacher that a normal child is an unpleasant experience but for a child with ADHD it can be an impossible experience that only serves to damage his or her psyche for years to come.
In your article you talk about the medications as if they are going to make us a society of lifelong drug addicted people. My question to you is do you think people who need glasses to see clearly are addicted to glasses. An ADHD medication that works does for the mind what glassed do for eye that cannot see clearly. Both are mechanisms that help focus. One focuses the eyes and the other focuses the brain. Many times the first or second or third medication do not work so you will have to keep trying others or combinations of others until you have exhausted all avenues or you find one that works. I some occasions unfortunately none of them work but you will never know until you try.
Sleep on a consistent basis is an important part to treating ADHD. In my opinion you do not have anything to lose in ruling out a sleeping disorder.
Thank you so much for you informative comment.
I am pleased to say that Ross has a wonderful teacher this year that embraces his creativity as she does with all her students. She is truly a gem!
We are going through a three month trial period of 5mg of Focalin.
We are still having "listening" issues but that is simply behavior.
Funny how one can't hear the instruction that is directly opposite of what one WANTS to do! Unfortunately, there is no medication for that! ;)
But even with the support of meds, he still choses not to complete some of his work or following some of the directions. His grades are still very good but every now and then he brings home a paper with a "C" with unanswered questions.
I have talked with other home schooling parents and children and must admit that that method won't work for us.
On a good note...he has started reading!
He likes the good old "Goosebumps" books and I am just happy to see him kicked back with any book!
Thanks again for the post!
Geri
I don't mean to say that I am holding back a needed treatment for a medical condition.
I am merely saying that perhaps in some cases it is generic diagnosis for children who simply do not behave in a way that is convenient for others.
It's been proven over and over again and I have even experienced it my self in school. That when a class is too slow for a child they will get bored and find an outlet for their boredom no matter how appropriate. My example, I was in high school and after moving several times I got behind in some subjects in Grade school. They put me in LD class instead of home room in 5th through 8th grade just for about an hour a day which gave me one on one to catch up. When I hit high school I had caught up with reading and English skills ect. I had caught up so well that My P.S.A.T. Test or pre SAT I scored in the top 10 % of my class that year in the verbal part of the test. Math was something different...lol .they all came easy to me. But because I had been placed in those classes in the earlier years they placed me in a lower level class 9th through 11th grade. it was all review for me and I found my self getting into things I shouldn't because it wasn't challenging. Same goes for things that are too hard for a child's ability as well. Math was the other subject I got LD classes with. I never caught up. I had difficulty and was placed in the class that the school could fit me into. California schools are over crowded and this was the place they had room for me. I couldn't keep up so I was frustrated and I found other activities to keep busy again prompting for the school to try and get my parents to have me Diagnosed and placed on meds. My parents refused and I am fine now.
Instead of medicating right off I feel that more testing needs to be done To find out if the child has a physical disorder or a Behavioral disorder. If the physical disorder requires Medication then fine. But if Behavior modification including finding the proper level of subject.
I just wanted to give you another update.
My son was never put on medication and now that he is 11 years old he has matured and behaves like any other 11 year old no better no worse.
He does get bored, restless, and could not care less about homework...like most little boys his age.
But he makes good grades and is very healthy and happy.