"Is that all there is? If that's all there is my friend, then let's keep dancing..." is a line to a song that has been running through my mind this morning that I heard many years ago.
Back when I was a young adult, what that song meant to me, was that I had reached adulthood and was that all there was to being an adult? Was that all there is to my life? I don't know what I was expecting but when I became an adult I didn't feel much different inside.
This October I will be turning 53 and that line has a whole new meaning to me. It sums up the whole "mid-life crisis" you hear about. Is that all there is in life? Is this it? And where do we go from here? We spend our lives trying to pay our bills and make sure everyone gets fed. Then you blink an eye and the children are grown up and gone and the house is quiet and empty. For me I have my youngest daughter still home, but when she sleeps over at friends house (like last night) it is incredibly quiet and still here. I also know that there aren't many years left and she too will be an adult and living her life living apart from us. We always lived for tomorrow and now tomorrow is here.
In my mind I am still young. I don't really feel like I am heading towards 60. Is this what 53 feels like? I didn't mind turning 30, 40, 50 but 60. I can't avoid facing that I am on the cusp of being a senior citizen. Where did all the time go?
We spend our lives living on the lay away plan. Some day when this is done... Some day when that is done... Some day have come, tomorrow is here, now. We have arrived at our destination and now what do we do? I got used to juggling twenty plates in the air, now there are only a few. I looked forward to the time I could have 5 minutes to myself and now that I have it, like a dog chasing a car, what do I do?
What can I do, is also an issue. While I was living on the lay away plan, I wore out my body. My focus of late is what I can do to improve my health so I can physically do some of the things I want to do. I now understand the advice of making time to stop and smell the roses. If you don't do this all during your life you may find difficulty in bending over when you are older.
I'm not saying I am regreting my life and that it has had no meaning to me. It has been a journey that has been rewarding and educational. There is nothing I would change as all my experiences has made me the person I am. I am thankful and grateful to God for giving me the last 30 years of my life as it is a miracle I survived an event 30 years ago. I love my family and my life, I hope I am not whining, I just feel like I am starting a new chapter in my life called the Senior Citizen years and I just got used to the idea of being over 30.
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Comments: 21
You say that you find yourself with nothing to do at times. You might want to look into doing some volunteer work somewhere. There are alot of worthy causes out there that would love to have a fresh face to help out. I've been doing volunteer work since I was in high school and find it immensely rewarding and worthwhile. Good luck to you in your pursuits and smile, you still have your health to speak of and 53 is YOUNG!!
I guess most of us are from what is called the 'Silent Generation'. We went to school[however far that was], got a job, married, raised are children and 'paid our dues'. We may be called foolish by the p-pots of the 21st century but we took our lumps, didn't blame someone else for our decisions and did the best we could. Isn't it funny that when we were young we didn't know how bad off we were.
Dear Spencer,
I'm sorry to hear about that. I will pray for your wife. It isn't easy being sick and it isn't easy being the spouse of someone ill. I know my husband gets frustrated with me and he keeps telling me I'm disabled. I don't think of myself that way, but sometimes I tackle things with great enthusiasm and wind up in bed a few days. I am learning to pace myself. I guess if I think I'm disabled, I'm afraid I will just give up. My stuff isn't individually biggies, but together they are a handful. Diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, fibromyalgia, arthritis, menieres disease, herniated disc, pulmonary stuff etc. I am very thankful I can walk and have the life I have.
It must be hard to retire and then find yourself back at work. Now that's a big disappointment. I hope something good in the future happens for you and eases your burdens!
Dear Cindy, no I don't wear mu-mu's. I did buy a few when I was in the nursing home last year because they looked comfortable and easy for someone to put on me. I wanted to cover my scarred leg. I got over that real quick. I am back to wearing my shorts and a nice shirt and my corrective sandals. I avoid support hose, I basically am a bare feet kinda gal. With the diabetes I do have to keep an eye on the feet so I make sure wear shoes outside of the house. I actually look a lot younger than I am, but I wish my body was younger! :) Thanks for commenting!
I think more of what I was writing has to do with growing up with an older sister and always wanting to be older. It'll be great when... and when, when happens it isn't what you think it will be. There is an element of where did the time go... and am I really this old? I think about my parents and grandparents and how their lives were a my age and they were so old, and here I am, and I am where they are and am I really that old?
It was just a moment of, gee are we there so soon...instead of are we there yet?
:)
Good luck with your operation, I'll remember you in my prayers. Gather has been a good place for me as I am motivated to write and create. Beats doing crossword puzzles and watching tv.
My Quotes
Yes, I too, share an advancement of age and with it, the realization that I can no longer do the 100 yard dash in 1.2 seconds or climb Mt. Everest in three hours with my eyes closed.
Years ago when I was depressed I found the way to lift myself out of the pit was to help others. When I lost everything in my life, the medication they gave me doped me up and I was a mess. I was young and what happened to me was not my choice. I thought I had failed everyone. Looking back there was not much I could have done to have stopped what had happened to me. When it was pointed out to me that the others around me looked up to me and thought if I could make it, they could make it, my life suddenly had meaning. People were counting on me and I could make a difference to someone even if they weren't the ones who I love. It gave me something to live for. Like Jesus said, Love one another. In giving, I was began to have hope for tomorrow. In giving, I stopped feeling my life was over and concentrated on what I salvage of my life.
I am the blessed one as a giver. :)
I guess, it's okay though. In the end, we give what we can, love as much as possible, and hope that what we leave behind encourages others to do the same thing, right?
Not much more can be asked of us than that.
Very true, Lisa, I like that line.
Age is an illusion or a delusion, depending who you are, I guess.