Would You Look at The Size Of My Butt?

Crap!  Would you look at the size of my butt?  No, wait—don't!  When did this happen?  I can't button my pants anymore!  Have I gained weight?  But that's impossible.  I hardly eat anything.  Three meals a day—that's not exactly pigging out, is it?  I don't even stop working long enough to eat a proper meal; I grab whatever's there and rush back to my computer.  People who work in offices wander around break rooms and cruise the hallways for half the day, but I don't even leave my chair.  When did I get so fat? What happened?

It's not as though I'm doing nothing all day.  I mean, I work hard.  I do!  I sit here at my computer and work all day!  Okay, so maybe the housework has taken a backseat to my writing career.  It's not like the place has fallen to hell.  Oh, all right, the garden's in chaos- but it's just now spring.  You can't expect me to have been out hoeing or whatever during winter.  Yes, we do have "winter" in California!   Besides, I was planning to get outside as soon as the wind stopped.  But then it got rainy, and then it was Easter weekend.  What- I'm going to pull weeds on Easter?  Why bother to sweep the porch when there are gale force winds?  It'll just get messy again.  I said I was waiting for better weather.

What? Yes, I do clean the house!  I do, too!  Look around! Nothing is filthy dirty-- it's lived in.  Look, I left all my shoes there for a reason!  I'm not putting the laundry away because I need to iron most of it.  It's not hurting anything—it's "allowed" to stay in the basket.  What difference does it make if I rush through the housework in ten minutes, or if I take all day to do it? It's not as though I'm having company! Well, "used to be" like Martha Stewart answers that: used to be. Not now.

I can't believe I sat down here at 10am and it's nearly 5pm.  I can't seem to get anything done!  My deadline's in 2 days and I haven't even done the first draft.  I guess I underestimated the time it'd take for research.  Where does the time go?  Even last night, when I saw that Donald Trump wasn't on, I spent another three hours sitting here trying to work.  Did I get anything done? No!

I know what the problem is, though.

It's not me!  I need a new computer.  This one's old and it's too slow.  It's eating into my productivity.  And I need a new internet service provider.  This one takes seventy-three seconds to load one page. Can you blame me for being impatient?  I can't just sit here watching the page load, I need to multi-task while I wait.  Does that make the page load slower?  When I'm reading stuff on Gather while my research pages load? No—it's the service provider.

I just can't believe I've gained weight, the house is in disarray, my work isn't even close to being done and I now have to replace my computer! What happened? Oh crap! I forgot to go to the bank! I forgot to run the dishwasher! I forgot to mail that letter. I said I'd go to the gym on Monday... is it Tuesday already? Dang!