ACLU FILES CIVIL SUIT AGAINST CATHOLIC AND EVANGELICAL CHURCHES

San Francisco---   The San Francisco chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union filed several lawsuits in Federal District Court against the Catholic Church as well as several prominent Evangelical Churches on behalf of VaLHALLA.  For those unfamiliar with the group, it stands for Vampires and Lonely Humans Advocating Lasting Love Alliance.  The suits allege that the organization has gone through vicious and unprovoked attacks from Christian Churches around the world.  As a result of intances of blatant hate speech, (the Pope refering to the group as, "An obomination that must be destroyed.") the peaceful organization has been forced to close its public offices and go in to hiding.  Several high ranking officials have been hospitalized after an unknown preist or minister blessed the office water cooler.  They have also received packages containing such distasteful and dangerous items as bibles and crosses.  One yopung intern was scarred for the rest of her unlife when  panic  over took her  upon opening a parcel containing a cross.  Ther poor fledgling tripped and fell face first in to the box.  Chester VonBoylove lead council for the ACLU stated, "This blatant religious bigotry must be stopped!" He also blasted Rome for continuing to harbor Ludwig VanHelsing.  VanHelsing is currently wanted for the slaying of noted civil rights leader Vladmir Tepesh.