It's Been Awhile

Hey, Dad, it's been awhile since I've stopped by.  Life gets busy and time flies by, well, you've heard all the excuses.  I finally just put my foot down in my own mind and made it a priority to come here today.

Another Christmas season is almost here and of course, I always think of you so much at this time of year.  Remember the year you and Mom stayed up to put together my kitchen set?   You told me years later that you and Mom had worked all night and had just gotten under the covers when my five year old feet hit the floor.  Back up you got, full of fun and excitement to see what Santa had left us.

There are always good memories of the years we went to your Mom and Dad's for Christmas in the late morning and stayed through dinner.  Grandma was the only person who could get away with calling you Billy instead of Bill.  After the presents were opened and the dinner eaten and all the women were in the kitchen putting away the leftovers, I loved to sit somewhere near you and listen to you and Grandpa talk about politics.  Sometimes I went to sleep listening to your voices, so much alike.

We had a big snowfall last week, and it reminded me of that winter when we lived on the farm that you helped us make "real" igloos.  Did we really get more snow back then than we do now, or is that just in my memory?  You used to take us down to the pond for ice skating.  Before you'd let either of us out on the ice you always walked all over it to make sure we wouldn't fall through.  Mom would bring a thermos full of hot chocolate and you'd build a bonfire at the edge of the pond so we could thaw out frozen fingers and noses.

One Christmas I especially remember was that year you got me everything on my "list."  You asked me to make a list of things I'd like for Christmas.  Most everything on the list was kitchen appliances, I don't remember what specifically, and some new china.  When I opened my gifts from you and Mom in Nancy's family room, I realized you hadn't just gotten me some things on my list, but the entire list!  I cried and you had to wipe a tear from the corner of your eye.

You always worked the evening shift, but I remember when I was still in elementary school, instead of getting all of Christmas Eve off work, you got to come home on Christmas Eve at about 8 p.m.  That made the night so special!  We each opened one gift, usually something to do like a jigsaw puzzle or paint-by-number... something to keep us busy while we waited for Christmas morning.

Anyway, Dad, every Christmas season brings so many memories of you.  But of course, so do summers.  Thoughts crowd in then about our fishing trips and vacations.  Fall reminds me of helping you in the yard round up the leaves, and that cold fall day we planted a tree in the backyard.

All I can do this year is what I've done for the past 21 years.  I'll leave a wreath here on your grave.  I don't know that you know I've been here, but I can hope that you do.  Your death is a milestone in my life.  I think of my life this way:  Before Dad Died and After Dad Died.  You may be gone from this Earth, but you are always in my heart.  I love you and I leave this bit of Christmas decor on your grave and that's all I can do.  That and pray that someday we'll be together and never, ever separated again.