2/17, 9:28 -- Portland, OR
Gather member David Rochester claims frustration and confusion in regard to the Gather Non-Correspondents Group, whose non-activities he hasn't been following with interest over the past few days. Since Mr. Rochester seldom expresses impatience in regard to his Gather experience, I decided to interview him in our gracious SE Portland home, to clarify the matter.
Enlightenment came immediately when I met myself at the door; I saw that my frustrating illness, previously identified as a quartan ague, had become an official plague. I declined to shake my hand, and instead moved straight to the interview.
"Mr. Rochester, I'm puzzled as to why you want to join the Gather Non-Correspondents group," I said frankly to myself. "You're well-known for not joining groups, and in fact you've said more than once that you find them irritating. So why do you want to join this non-news group?"
"Id's just so perfect -- by edtire life is a dod-evedt," I answered.
"A . . . what?" I said politely.
"A dod-evedt. You kdow -- dothidg ever happeds to be."
I made a note of this, and decided to look it up in the well-known medical journal "Sinus Congestion Lexicon" when I returned to my office.
"What's preventing you from joining the non-correspondents?" I inquired.
"I cad't fide it id by list of groups," I explained. "Whed I try to joid, it says I have a peddig idvitatiod, but I cad't fide it. I've looked add looked. I'be already weak. I cad't take buch bore."
Skeptical, I looked at Mr. Rochester's group list. I couldn't find it either.
"It's a codspiracy," he said darkly.
"For what purpose?"I asked.
"They kdow I have less dews thad eddyode else od Gather," he replied. "They cad't face the cobpetitiod."
A shocking theory indeed. "Do you intend to remain on Gather despite this turn of events?" I asked.
"I haved't decided yet," I replied, following this statement with seven consecutive sneezes. I stepped back a safe distance from myself, edging toward the door. For now, it looks as though David Rochester will remain a Gather Non-Non-Correspondent. Whether his conspiracy theory is correct, only time will tell.
-- (Reuters)
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Comments: 33
Sounds like fun, except for the splinter part.
Or...does this mean David is playing with himself??
Jackie -- Good God, woman, you finally made it over here to offer me a little solace. Corina is right that I hate to be fussed over, but since you're Internet-engaged to me, the least you could do is offer to fuss so I can reject you. Sheesh. Now that you've offered, you may picture me waving you away, pitiably, my face as white as the sheets upon which I lie, writhing in pain.
I made chicken soup once, David. I could try doing it again, and then I'd pour some into an envelope and mail it to you. Or maybe pour it into the CD player on my computer and e-mail it. Just trying to help. The mere suggestion of my chicken soup has healed many a suffering child, rather quickly. ("You're too sick to go to school? I'll make you some soup...")