The Last Gift

Great to see you back in business again, my friend.

This story delivers a wallop of a kick, with the brutal "insight" offered from the narrative point of view of an indifferent stepfather. At least, that is the first reading. One can read this short short this way and see this man as either uncaring or a harsh proponent of tough love; it is deliberately ambiguous and not editorialized, a little Raymond Carver gem of an insight. I like the way the story is told simply, no frills, and lets the shock effect hit the reader straight from the child's emotional outburst to the speaker's chilled reaction. Great dirty realism storytelling, that condenses all the emotion into a burst of realization.

So good to have you back, buddy.

David, this was as John said an insightful look at a little boy's world, but I don't see the indifference he referenced. I thought it was an emotional and understanding realization of how abruptly a little boy's world was changed and how much he needed to hang on to what he had left.
A great piece, and yes, you've been gone too long.

For the boy, a love gone forever....

I remember well when my gold Schwinn Sting-Ray bike was stolen from school. I loved that bike, and we could never afford another one. I was crushed, violated, left empty...
I was allowed to ride it to school one day, begging my mother almost every morning. She was afraid of cars hitting us, so we had to walk. Finally one day she said OK, and I took it to school. I forgot I rode it in and started walking home as usual when it hit me. I ran all the way back... to find it gone! The lock was picked and it was stolen. Standing there wet and panting.... I cried.
Me and my brother had wanted bikes for years, and finally got them, only to lose them both to theft within a fairly short time. Bummer of bummers man....... :-(
Good article David, only now I'm depressed all over again, ha ha. Elementary School hell I tell you!
Really though, very good. Thanks.

I was immediately drawn in...and left wanting more. The sign of a wonderful work of fiction. Nicely done.

David, I've missed your stories. This one drew me down to the floor with that little boy. I'm glad to see here again.

John -

Thank you for stopping over and paying me a visit. I've been gone for too long and it's nice to get back in the saddle again. Actually I wrote the stepfather figure in as a sympathetic figure, that, though feeling a bit helpless to aid the boy, still understands what the young man is going through. Thank you for the warm welcome back Amigo.

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Faith -

"an emotional and understanding realization of how abruptly a little boy's world was changed and how much he needed to hang on to what he had left."....precisely darlin'!

Thank you for taking your time to come over. read and comment. Be over to see you soon.

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Amy -

Nice to see you again darlin'! Thank you for the kind words and I'm glad you enjoyed the piece.

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John -

Yes John - a love gone forever. It's that loss we feel when something "special" to us is taken away and we suddenly realize there's nothing that can be done - it's simply too late. "We can never go back" is a tough lesson to learn and Trevor gets his first taste of it here. I think we have all had moments where all we want to do is to grab a handful of carpet and just hang on til the shaking stops. I know I have been holding tight a bit lately.

I also had my Stringray stolen, so I know your pain my friend. The Stringrays were like the sports car version of the bike back then. Remember how hard those damn banana seats were?

Thanks for stopping-in and glad you enjoyed this short-short.

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Sue -

Thank you darlin'!

Donna -

Good to be back darlin'. Glad to see you again and thank you so much for taking your time to come over, read and comment. It pleases me that you took something from this piece and felt its emotion as well. I'll be seeing you soon.

My eldest daughter could so relate to the carpet yanking metaphor! We have moved fourteen times in her thirteen years. I could feel the rough carpet threads under the fingernails of the young boy in his desperate clinging, and could feel the panic of his trying to make sense of change thrust upon him. Very excellent writing. My only suggestion is that the last sentence detracts from the ending "Right?", where the step-father is trying to get into the boy's shoes to understand him and empathise. I don't think a conclusion is needed as the mirrored angst is very powerful.

Glad I followed Raquel's comments over here.... powerfully written

Tenola, David! Hanging on for dear life, metaphorically and nearly literally.

This has so much versimilitude it seems like a slice of life.

Excellent, and I am very glad you are back in business, here.

Raquel -

Thanks so much for your comments and I kinda figured a few people might be able to relate to this short-short. Yeah - I struggled just a bit over the last line, though, in the end, decided to put it in as I wanted to show that the father had compassion for the young man that would now be a "son" to him. I know it softens the piece a bit, but it's supposed to. Thank you for such a well thoughout response.

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Flit -

Why? I'm glad you're here no matter whom you follow my friend. Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting.

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Kathryn -

Hello there darlin'! Nice to be back - thank you. Ahhhhhhh, the "versimilitude" was a nice comment to see. That's the goal when it comes to fiction, eh - to write a piece that effectively turns illusion into reality.

Thanks again for coming by Kathryn.

OH DAVID! Man oh Man I remember my bike being stolen as a kid. I was so devastated. Then I was blamed for not locking it up.... I know I had the chain and lock but I never thought anyone would STEAL?! I learned the hard way.

This was so well written. YOU GO DUDE!

(I have been mysteriously away from Gather for so long... Come to find out I actually had a life outside it... I still LOVE GATHER.... just had to get back to reality for awhile... it's nice to sneak back in and read a friends good work :) Take care!)

Pam -

Nice to see you darlin'! I'm glad you're back with us here at Gather. Speaking of which - I need to get back with us too. LOL! I haven't been around too often anymore. I have some work I'm about to post soon though. I'll try to make it your way soon. Glad you enjoyed this ditty - thanks for the kind words! Sorry about your bike! ;)

Good work David, i would love to see this expanded more, you had a great hook & drew us in right away.

Dave,

I was never notified of a new article and just came by to see if you were around. Now I find a 2 month old post?
So glad to see this and what a power written comeback. So many of us have been through divorce so we know all too well this scene.
Don't be such a stranger......

Welcome back (2months later!!)

Know what I think is powerful about this piece? The feeling is a universal feeling....you can say it is about a bike, a wish, a father, a mother, a divorce.....The object is very personal....The feeling is very shared and universal.

I especially think so today after what happened. I am shaking and holding on to the carpet and wishing I remember how it felt the day before yesterday when some of my heart was stolen by a man with a gun.

Priscilla -

Sorry it took so long for a response, but "thank you" for the kind words. I'm kinda playing with fiction right now, as well as, putting the finishing touches on a one act play. Again, thanks for stopping in!

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Steve -

Yeah, I have been "regrouping" lately - you may have noticed! LOL! Thanks for checking-in on me my ole friend.

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Le Bellota -

LOL! It's all good darlin'! What happened yesterday at Virginia Tech was tragic and I'm sure will affect most people in a very profound way for a long time to come. But like with 911, I'm afraid people will slowly forget and simply go back to the safety of believing that this type of thing couldn't possibly happen to them. It's sad, but I think it's a self-protection thing we do to insulate ourselves from the pain of the reality, that it CAN and DOES happen to us all the time.

Unfortunately, "Virginia Techs" and "Columbines" will continue to happen and there is little we can do, except maybe, to start realizing how the pursuit of violence in the media for the glory of the almighty dollar, continues to have a numbing affect on our children's appreciation and respect for the value of human life. Although, in fairness, I must say that this particular case doesn't seem to have originated in that manner, but rather, from the delusional mind of a very sick young man. There will always be sick people like this boy and therefore there will always be tragic days like yesterday - just part of the human condition that hurts the hearts of people like you and I.

Thank you so much for the insightful comments.

David, I'm so sorry I'm so late. You have entered into your step-son's ordeal with so much compassion ... the last gift from his dad before you packed life up and moved it to a different location. Hard enough without dealing with what he must have deemed a hostile act. Certainly a welcome you and Heather didn't suspect he'd encounter so soon in this new place. I hope you've all settled in and that he's once again got wheels.

A bit confused over whether this is fiction or fact. If fact it was written wonderfully and showed a great deal of sensitivity. If fiction it was wonderfully written and contained detail and description that hooked and held me. A great read either way!

Bravo David! Now....when will we see more?

Great story, keep goin.....

David,

This is a sensitive portrayal of some of the fears we all may entertain in our youthful vulnerability, our search for foundation, our desire for solidness or identity. I like the graphic tension between those things that are "gone" or may be "found." We sense the monumental shift between despair and acceptance, sometimes the journey of a lifetime. The poignant idea that the "whole house would suddenly get yanked-out from under him" underscores the sensitive nature of this scene, something that might play upon every mind or soul at any theater of human experience or expression. This piece speaks so well of our universal fear of loss. We, too, can identify with the grab for the floor or the carpet as a metaphor for stability in the midst of chaos. Very well written and delivered with a telling clarity of line in human drama.

in friendship,
Glenn T.

Nice story. It makes me wonder more about his world. Very emotionally engaging.

Beryl -

This was a fictional piece, but thanks for the kind words, wishes and for taking your time to read and comment.

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Debbie -

It was fiction and THANKS!!!

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Gisela -

Thank you and I don't know. ;)

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Susan -

Thank you. To where? ;)

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Glenn -

Thank you for such an insightful comment. The fear of loss and the eventual acceptance of it, are two of the strongest emotions in life - no doubt.

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Patricia -

There IS a lot to wonder about in this life, eh? I agree. Thank you for your time and comment.

I thought the narrator was being understanding. It takes a lot to understand someone else' stress while they are acting out. Admirable I thought

Elizabeth -

That's an interesting thought. The narrator must have some experience with this subject? Thanks for taking your time to read and comment so thoughtfully.