My boyfriend embellishes stories of things that have happened to him to the point that they're loosely related to the actual event. He'll tell me about the same event that happened to him five years ago three different times, and each time he forgets what he's told me before so there's a completely different element. He says he's just making the stories more interesting and it's not a big deal. But it makes me feel like I can't trust things that I think I know about him, and I can't believe what he says anymore.
He also occasionally lies about tiny, insignificant things that I wouldn't care about one way or the other, and I don't understand why. And he exaggerates, like last night he was specifically complaining that he has to work overtime Every Single Day when I know, and he knows I know, that it's usually one day a week, maybe three at the most. If he does the laundry three days in a row, he thinks he's been doing it every day for two months. If we go to a new restaurant once and like it, he will tell people that we go there all the time.
All the while he claims to be completely honest with me. And, although what I've written probably sounds bad, I know he is honest about everthing important, and he doesn't do that stuff all the time. Sometimes he's almost more truthful than I would prefer. I just don't get it... I don't know his family extremely well, but I think I've picked up on them doing it too. Maybe they don't consider it lying; it's just "making conversation" to them, and that's why he doesn't get that it bothers me??
So... Have you ever dealt with these issues? Is it as weird as it seems to me?
How do you feel about the idea of complete honesty in a relationship? Do you and your significant other practice it, or are there some things not worth hurt feelings or fights--for example, telling them the food they cooked tastes better than it actually does or denying any attraction whatsoever to someone they're jealous of?
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Comments: 12
Have to talked to him about it? (in a non-accusing way). He might be totally unaware that he's doing it, or he might not realize it's a big deal to you.
However, since we got married (or maybe since we started to live together), he also started telling a little bit of lies here and there. The reason is, I get upset for small things he did easily (which is my fault), and in order to keep me from getting upset, he told a little bit lies so I wouldn't get mad at him. But... That's not how things work. I got even more upset at him when I found out that he was lying. I mean, nothing major, but small lies are still lies.
So we talked, and I made sure he knew that I would rather know the truth, and I would try to control my temper. I don't know if I am doing a good job or not, but I try.
However, I don't require complete honesty from him. I believe people should be allowed to have secrets, even in a relationship or in a family. It's hard to explain but I believe there can be situations that a lie is necessary. I just ask (both of us) not to abuse the usage of the lies.
I think honesty is important but I would not look at it as he is being dishonest because like you said it's not like he is lying about something big. I would just talk to him and explain that you notice he over does it sometimes when he talks about things and that you are not going to think of him any different had these things not really happened. He probably does it so often he doesn't realize it anymore. Good luck!
My husband wasn't raised to be like that, and he doesn't do it intentionally. But the problem is, he has very poor memories. He would tell me things differently from the way I KNEW them. For example, he would say that he said this and that, when in fact *I* said those things. And he is so stubborn that he would not admit that I was right. I would get really frustrated at him. But I don't really consider him lying, because that's what he truly believed... except that he believed the wrong things.
I knew this girl in high school that told so many lies, she could not even keep them straight. I guess she thought none of the people she told them to ever talked to one another. She was the type you learned real fast NOT to confide in.
Anyway, what I would wonder is: is this "harmless fibbing" or does other things he says - important things - also have an element of lies to them? This would be much more serious and possibly a relationship breaker.
I think honesty is important. I do not know or believe that there is anything such as complete honesty, but we both try to practice being honest to the best of our ability. And then there is the whole perception of what is honest and what is not honest, which can be very different from person to person. My husband and I dealt with this one a little bit, and it turned out that our definition of honest was a bit different. I had to explain what I felt was dishonest and why, and once he understood, it really did fix the problem.
I've never understood why men do the little lies about nothing other than if it's a control issue. Something they can keep a secret. Doesn't make any sense to me.
You'll also find that most people think they work harder than their share. Many people aren't objective at all.
None of these traits are that bad, but if they bother you now, they may become big issues in the future. You are right to try to figure it out now.