Hi everyone,
I’ve enjoyed reading your comments on the articles I’ve been posting here to give you a sense of my new book Leap! What Will We Do with the Rest of our Lives? I look forward to interacting with you.
I started writing Leap! when I fell into what I call “the Narrows”—the rough passage to the next part of life. All at once, in my fifties, I lost my job and my partner, and my youngest child left for college. For the first time ever, I had no work and no kids in the house. What was I supposed to do for the next 30 years?
I set out on a quest, interviewing icons like Carly Simon, Tom Hayden, Dr. Andrew Weil and Ram Dass, as well as people from all walks of life. I learned that everyone must go through the narrows, but there’s sunlight at the end, and each person finds a unique way through.
To get the conversation started, here are some topics I explore in Leap!:
- What will be the fire at the center of your life?
- How can women be sensual and not touch deprived, if they outnumber men and aren’t gay?
- Is there still time to change the world?
- How can you arrange to grow old with your friends?
To jump in, all you need to do is type your question in the comment box below (if you're not already a member you will need to join in order to post a question). To see my responses in real time simply hit the refresh button on your browser. You will need to refresh your page continuously to see each new comment.
I look forward to hearing from you!
Click on the links below to read some of my recent posts on Gather:
Also, you can get a FREE Leap! Workbook if you buy Leap! through my website, www.saradavidson.com, or let me know you’ve purchased it elsewhere. This “how-to” guide -- filled with exercises and quizzes – will help you find purpose, adventure and serenity in a way that’s right for you.
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Comments: 49
I'll look up the results later.
what strategies do you recommend when direction one should move is clear -- moving forward that is, not in the leaving behind -- but methods dont't seem to be working?
The only way I know to plan for it is to understand that when it happen, it's a natural transition and you're not alone. Just knowing that will help. I've also talked to people who don't find it traumatic, who find it energizing - the opportunity to open new doors, have more freedom, take steps you might not have been able to take before.
BY THE WAY, you can get a FREE Leap Workbook on my website: www.saradavidson.com, if you order the book or state where you already purchased it. The workbook has exercises and questions that will help you get through it and find what's right and authentic for you.
So take a breath, and relax.
That happend to me when I hit the narrows - I couldn't make things happen with the old strategies - setting a goal, working hard, not taking no for an answer. At this time, I found, it's more effective to be receptive, intuitive, patient, wait to see what unfolds, what your inner guidance tells you, instead of trying to power your way forward.
Againk, the LEAP Workbook, available at www.saradavidson.com, could help you more specifically.
Your parents are lucky that they have each other and a solid relationship that can weather this transition. Patience, and support are what's needed. No one call tell anyone else what they should do or what's right for them. But you can help the person get in touch with what makes him or her feel most alive, engaged, excited to be here. Once you know that, the way will unfold.
Great question. A few of the people I interviewed were in tight financial straights, and I know that many are facing this critical issue: not enough saved, maybe no health insurance, and a need to earn money longer than they'd planned.
I did not focus, in Leap!, on finance - there are many books that help you plan for and figure out how to finance retirement. However, I do touch on several strategies: one is to scale down, which I did; one is to take a job to bring in money and when you feel more secure, pursue what your heart wants to do, regardless of the financial payoff. And last, consider starting your own business. You don't need much but a passion and a computer to begin a small business, and it can be anything you're interested in. I discuss this at length in Ch 8, "Get a Job." And there's also some guidance in the Leap Workbook, available free at www.saradavidson.com
Even though the Narrows may be decades off for you, it's never too soon to start aligning yourself and your life with your passion. When I was struggling, a history teacher asked me, "If you knew the world was going to end in 2 days, what would you do?" Ask yourself that question. And then look at your life and see if there's space in it to do and work in what's most important to you. i.e., one man told me, he'd want to be with people he loves in nature. I asked, how often do you do that? He said, once a year, maybe. Time to fit that in to the schedule.
Unfortunately, we can't spare our children from learning by making their own mistakes. But if you put the info in gently, it may register, eventually.
What they do have, usually, is more financial resources. But even Carly Simon lost her NY apt when they tripled the rent, at the same time her record company was dropping her and she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She told me, in Leap!, "I felt discarded like a dog." So the experience is universal. It's our reaction to it that differs.
There were many moments, almost every interview, when I was stunned by the wisdom or inspiration I'd just heard. And not just for baby boomers, for all humans. Ex: When a friend told me about the "Second Arrow" in Buddhist thought. The first arrow is the bad thing that happens to you. The second is what you do to yourself because of the bad thing that happens.
When I went through the narrows, I berated myself for failing at work, failing at love, failing with my kids. That was the second slew of arrows. If you can just deal with the predicament itself without adding this self reproach, it will be much easier!
Everyone finds a different passion to pursue. The only trend is that most want to continue to be engaged in the world, to contribute and create, to feel alive. But what helps, if you don't know what that passion is, is to learn something new, something that scares you a little and you're not sure you can do. Becoming a beginner again is wonderfully invigorating.
Re-locating is a great idea. I describe in Leap! how I moved to Boulder, CO, where I'd never been and knew no one. I also have an article posted on gather called "Re-Pot yourself," about giving yourself new soil when things look brown. The great thing is, if the move doesn't work out, you're not stuck, you can go elsewhere or return from where you came. But you've learned impt stuff in the process.
Re friends, best thing to do is talk about it when you feel they're trying to keep you back where you were. Don't let it slide and let resentments build. Your true friends will support, but there may be some adjustment pains.
Yes, I think the lessons and inspiration in Leap! apply to us all, at every age. My daughter, who's 22, and her friends are reading it and enjoying it. They have to deal with "What should I do with my whole life?" It's different in your 20s than your 50s, but my hope is that when you tell a true story well, it will resonate with a large number.
Please contact me at www.saradavidson.com for further conversation, and to get the free Leap workbook!
I loved all your comments.
It's as if you are inside of my mind, at 56 I feel lost. I need and ant to start a new career. I don't fill happy in my present life, or like I am doing anything important! I must read your book, may be I can fine some healthy way to make changes. I am also glad to know that I am not the only one to fell this lost!
Would like to suggest author Carolyn Heilbrun's book , "The Last Gift of Time: Life Beyond Sixty". Sara speaks about it in Chapter 14 of her book. It is a wonderful read and belongs on your shelf along with Anne Morrow Lindbergh's "Gift from the Sea".