Do you believe in spanking?

there is a difference between a spanking and a beating..

I was spanked when I was a kid and I'm fine...but my daughter will never be spanked.

I agree with Diana on this one!

I was spanked a few times when I was a kid.  But I KNEW it was coming because I did something REALLY bad and deserved it!  I can count on one hand how many times I was spanked as a kid, very rarely!  I turned out fine and it didn't scar me for life!

My kids are not spanked much, 1 time each in their lives.  We use other methods but will use a spanking if it's needed!

When I was going up, I was spanked.....beat with a belt seemed l like every day sometimes a couple times, by my mother and stepfather. For any thing they wanted to beat me for. If I got in trouble at  school I would get beat when I got home. Didn't get in trouble very often.. A good swat on the butt with your hand not with any thing else.

growing  up

I dont think we should hit kids either, if you can't controll a child without hitting him or her you don't need kids......period!

I was spanked, beaten, hit all the above......... there all the same thing.

I was rarely spanked.  I don't see spanking as being very constructive, but a gentle spank is not the end of the world. 

It generally just satisfies the frustration of the parent, more so than teaching the kid anything.

I don't have kids and I am at a crossroads at this one.  If I have a child, I don't ever want to lay a hand on him/her.  But, I deal with children all the time at work and some really are very challenging and I see parents struggle with them all the time.  So, I wonder if I could actually raise a child without spanking.  I just don't know.

What bothers me is when a parent beats a kid and then tells them that it didn't hurt because he/she held back.  So, if they had really hit them, they'd be dead, in the hospital, etc.  I also hear wife beaters say the same thing.  Anyway, that's a different topic.

I do believe in spanking and can't seem to get the day started properly without receiving a good one.

when my kids were younger  and we were under state help,  we had this one counsler, he told me that you spank a child out of respect(fear),  not anger, and only our state allow three time otherwise it is abuse.  My son once told his teacher that I beat him,,she ask how many time  only twice,, then she does it to make you understand your worng and rights,, and this is out of LOVE....

My boys are now 9, 11, and 18.  They don't ever get spanked.  They are well-behaved, respectful, and all-around great kids... if I may say so myself!

If you say so yourself. But the 11 and 18 year old are smoking blunts in the bathroom when you go grocery shopping.

I don't have children, but when I do I won't spank them.  I don't believe in hitting anything hard, and children are smart enough that if you talk to them in an appropiate way to their age they'll understand usually.  I just don't see any research or from personal experience anything good from spanking

We have certain peramaters for spanking.  I don't believe that a child "caught" doing something bad should be grabbed and spanked.  That type of behavior (grabbing and forcefully spanking) is what makes kids so fearful and can do just as much damage as an actual beating.  I don't want to instill FEAR of me in my children, I want to instill love and respect for me in them. 

So, with regards to spanking, there are certain behaviors that my kids know are spanking offenses (my 5-year-old is a biter and he knows biting is an automatic spanking or two).  If they are doing something spank-worthy, I tell them one time that ____ is not allowed and if they choose to continue, they are also choosing to get a spanking.  If they continue the behavior they are instructed to go upstairs to their room and wait for me or my husband.  We talk with them, tell them why they are going to get a spanking.  We try not to spank the kids in front of eachother because we feel that discipline is an individual thing and can be humiliating to the child if others witness it.  Anyway, after the spanking, they are instructed to think about their behavior and when they are ready to apologize or talk about a better solution for next time that they can come out of their room.

I used to be a "rage" spanker and realized that what I was doing wasn't very effective.  It created anger and violence in my children and in me as well.  Since changing how we do spankings, we find that our kids actually respect our authority instead of just "FEAR" us.  There are lots of hugs and cuddles afterwards and our kids are learning how to control themselves better and spankings are fewer and farther between. (my kids are 5, 3 and 1 --- the 1 year old obviously doesn't get spanked, she is too young to truly comprehend...)

I beg to differ. A 5 month old can understand a hand pat. I used this method to help my now 20 year old stop putting his hands in his mouth. Most of the time he actually thought it was funny and a game because we never enacted force or inflicted pain. But again every child is different and every parent has their own limits on self control. If you cant spank your kid without going off on them then dont even go down that road. however with proper self control a simple pat on the but works wonders for 7 months and up.

Spanking does not necessarily promote discipline, and discipline is not limited to spanking.   "I was spanked as a kid and it didn't hurt me any" is NOT a valid excuse to continue the practice!

I chose not to spank my child - talking to her usually did the trick.  I also believe that, if you do choose spanking as a form of discipline, that you shouldn't hit the kid with anything that does not feel pain.  So a swat on the behind with an open hand may be ok, depending on the circumstances. 

But I soon realized that the only time I even considered spanking was when I was angry - which is the WRONG time to go hitting anyone.  I would tell my daughter, "I am really angry right now.  ___________ was wrong, but let's talk about it when I've calmed down."  Then I always made sure that she understood that it was her behavior I didn't like, not her self.

I do not think that spanking a child helps all thet much. I find if you sit down and talk to the child you can tell them why they can't do this or that they can understand and will be easier to control But some times a spank or two on the bottom is what you have to do

i think it helps to a certain point never should it be done more than a few time nor should it be done out of anger. But when kids are younger its seems to help a little. my best friend and her to brothers used to get in to some trouble when they were little but once they all were told to go out side and pick a good stick or thier grandma would come and bring a big one to be spanked with.since they havent ever really gotten in much trouble at all.

I got beat when I was a child...and I learned!  I learned never to do whatever it was I got beat for again.  I'd do something new the next time to get beat for instead.  I learned many lessons through those beatings, especially what not to do or say again...and to bring something more than a feather when told to go get something to beat me with.  I got something much bigger to be beat with...and for a lot longer than I would have initially.  I didn't turn out to be the best person in the world, but far from being the worst.  A spank with an open palm on a butt is a lot different than a black, cast iron skillet to the head or a metal flyswatter whipping your back and legs.  Some of the methods used today would not have worked on me and I would have just kept getting worse.  Sometimes, you need to use a little swat to get their attention; but not a beating.

There is a huge difference between a spanking and abuse. I got swatted the butt as a kid, and it stung momentarily, but I didn't get hurt. Spanking was allowed in school when I was a kid, too, but I don't know how that felt, because I was never spanked in school. My parents are retired teachers. Dad taught several different grades during his career, and found that spanking was best kept an extremely rare punishment. Mom was a high school teacher. At that age, spanking is largely ineffective and other disciplinary methods are used instead. One time, though, Mom found a great method... she took a kid out into the hallway to lecture him, but the principal was walking past, saw the kid, who had a habit of getting into trouble, and took him to the office. Mom just let the other kids in the class wonder what she'd done with the troublemaker. They behaved beautifully for the rest of the day.

Dad was also very creative with his discipline, most of which was not physical and none of which was harmful. His philosophy is that discipline should be effective and quick, and should teach a behavioral lesson. He strongly disapproves of lengthy punishments such as grounding, which he has told me he considers to be a form of mental abuse, and he didn't use detention in his classroom because it was as much a punishment of him and the kid's parents as it was of the kid.
One story he tells is of a kid he heard bragging in the classroom before the bell, about having lied to someone about something, and gotten away with it. Later, the kid asked permission to go to the bathroom. Dad told him he could go, but that for every minute he spent outside the classroom, he'd have to wait at the end of the period before heading to lunch. The kid practically flew to the bathroom and back, but Dad told him a longer time than he'd said before he let the kid go. As the kid argued with him, the time got longer. When the kid said to him, "but you said a minute for a minute," Dad looked at him and smiled.
"I lied."
It took a minute to sink in, but when it did, Dad could see that the lesson was learned. The kid didn't have to stay too long after class... just enough to fix the lesson in his mind (and make him one of the last kids in the lunch line).

When it comes to spanking, it really depends on the kid and the parent. If you have a very sensitive kid, spanking is probably unnecessary and is therefore a bad idea. If you have a very insensitive kid, spanking is probably going to be ineffective, and again, is therefore a bad idea. An anger-prone parent probably shouldn't spank, either. I personally hate spanking for the same reason my Dad did... it really does hurt me more. I haven't spanked my son since he was a preschooler... no need.

Growing up I was spanked. I never thought much about it, but when I do think back on it I realize that most of the spankings I receieved were out of anger. My grandfather actually beat me so bad when I was crying one day for my mother, that I was black n blue from head to toe.

After getting pregnant with my son, my husband and I researched different parenting methods and decided to follow Attachment Parenting. We don't spank or hit our child. We use time outs and so far they seem to work well. Our son has had a gentle disposition since birth and is very shy. I think spanking him would only cause him harm.

We have had friends who did spank, and their kids were very well behaved and we think that the parents did it the right way - the kids were never scared of their parents and they realized that when they receieved a spanking it wasn't going to hurt physically so much as it broke the attitude or what ever it was that was going on. The parents also didn't use their hands to spank, but rather a wooden spoon.

My family always used hands - I think that sometimes is the big difference - out of anger and with hands it becomes a beating and abuse.

"I don't like what you did, but i love you." I like what you said. However, I would rather that be SAID than expressed physically.

The main reason why I don't believe in spankings is the same reason I don't believe in yelling, or raised voices. I once asked my husband during a fight if he'd ever hit me, and he said no he never would. So I asked him why he was doing the verbal equivilent in yelling, and that I was just as mad about the thing that made us fight, but you didn't see me lowering myself to the level of a ranting, raving madperson.

HE GOT THE POINT! He doesn't yell anymore.

I don't believe in people doing things to other people out of anger.

I'm 17 and i've lived with two foster children for a couple of years. They are really nice and fun to be around, but because their parents never punished them, these two kids had an attitude that said, 'I can do whatever I want and I won't get in trouble for it.' My parents did find ways to punish the kids without using violence--like grounding them, or taking away their toys if they did something bad.

Now, I don't think that beating is right, but a slap on the wrist or a pat on the bottom is sometimes necessary to show your child that what they are doing is not allowed--and won't cause serious injury. :)
Just my thoughts.

I honeslty think my child would rather get a spank than take any toys away.

Taking toys away is a good method.

You can pretty much guarantee that a child that doesn't get spanked grows up to be a little shi+.