DO PARENTS CAUSE THEIR CHILDREN'S PROBLEMS?

I don't doubt that genetics plays a large portion of how a child behaives. Yet at the same time, the quality of parental involvement in a child's life does have some impact. If a parent fails to apply the necassary rules, goals, and other building essentials, then the child will not develop them as well either. If a child is raised by parents that refuse to take the blame for actions of themselves, or the child's behavior, then the child is told that this is a proper way to live, which we see way to much of today.
THe genetics can start it, but it is up to the parent to find away to deal with what comes out of the womb to ensure a child the best chance to become a good and productive adult.

Interesting thoughts here Doc.

Very interesting - thanks for the update. I am a little puzzled on this subject, as I find it to be abit of a mix, but the division between genetic and environment I am unsure of. Again, thanks for updating us on the latest research.

It is very complicated. I think the best way to think about it is that genetics and environment are constantly interacting and infoming each other. Ideally, parents interact with their children in ways that help them master whatever burdensome or challenging aspects exist in their personalities. A highly aggressive child, for example, can either turn out as a sociopath or a star athlete depending on the interaction with his parents, his peers, and other important people in his life. Either way, children with really difficult temperaments can make parents feel inadequate and "cause" them to behave in ways that they may later regret.

In my work I come into contact with a lot of children that are labeled as "problems". They have lost privelidges to ride school transportation and have to rely on my company ( public transportation) to get to school. I see a whole lot of children being influenced by the way the parents act, although I agree genetics must play a part too.
An example of learned behavior I seen recently was a 4 year old PRESCHOOLER was upset with another child and let out a 3 minute blue streak that left the entire bus silent in shock at what this child said (and the child with a what did I do, and why is everyone staring at me look)
I called my dispatcher and asked to have the parents called and meet me at the bus upon my arrival to discuss what he had done.
The mother of the child did meet me at the bus door, reeking of marijuana, and upon my relating an "abridged" version of what her son said, she immidieately flew into a graphic tirade that would make a long shoreman blush (yes, right in front of all the kids on the bus).

I will go and read that article. Thank you for the link. I do disagree on the 50% theory though. Affection withheld from a child can & does do serious damage.
Yes I agree we are pre-wired to act a certain way in situations calm or tense. But a child that is smothered with affection as well as a child who has been starved of affection will have a harder time learning social behavior that is acceptable in everday life. It is a fine line that parents or whom ever is raising said child has to walk. I am NOOOOOO expert just a mom who loves her children deeply. Deeply enough to try to make them strong while trying to shield them from what is to much for them to bear too young. I wonder could I email you with a parenting question that I just can not solve? You can say no. thank you Love reading your articles keep them coming.

Hi Carmel,

Yes, feel free to email me a parenting question. You can do it to this post if you'd like.
I didn't mean to imply that children don't need love, affection, and guidance. I'm more keen to emphasize that we parents aren't always as omnipotent as we believe ourselves to be. I say this in defense of the many well-meaning and devoted parents whose adolescent or grown children turn against them and blame them for all of the ways that their lives didn't turn out. Certainly some of the time it IS the parents' fault, but it's not always, and often there are a lot of other complicating factors.

TOM, I think you're highlighting an important phenomena, and that is how important role modeling can be, both positively and negatively!

Of course I do understand what your saying. Some times the adolescent years get more then just rocky for some people. I believe it has a lot to do with the use of drugs and some times the well meaning parents will go to extreams to be friends with their child and be too permissive or the hard cases where they are over the top with how they deal with their child needs to express themselves.
Ok heres the question.
A child my daughter knows is odd. Very weird. I like children (no I do not say kids they are not baby goats), this child asks me very strange things ie: where did you bury your dog, can I dig him up so I can touch it. She knows the dog died over 8 months ago she whats to see decomp. Her words were I want to see what an animal feels like with no fur. Gross. actually it goes way beyond this. Someone I know refers to her as the She Damien. Because animals bite/scratch at her hiss etc. generally act frightened. She is mean and physically abusive toward her sibling and a bully in school. Very low social skills. But utterly charming to most adults. (She doesn't like me because I make her behave) I could go on & on. Question the parents apparently see none of this as more then normal childhood things. Am I being to uptight and these are normal things and my children are just remarkably well behaved or....? Thank you for any help This child is so not allowed in my home. She slammed my yougest childs head into a door jam. My husband saw it but could not prevent in time. She is fine by the way. Thank what ever guardian angel was watching that day.

"Certainly some of the time it IS the parents' fault, but it's not always, and often there are a lot of other complicating factors."

Again, I can see both sides here. I don't have kids, so my views are from looking in from the outside. But when a child has some sort of mental/behavior issues and the parents try to deal with them, personally and with professional help, then I agree they have done what they could. But so many (unknown percentages here) that do not address the issue or just try and deal with it themselves when the situation is just to advanced of a problem, they will have caused most of the problems for that child. I have heard and seen where parents used help and did what they could, and the children that should not have become very stable, have done surprisingly well, not always, but none the less.
So I think it does have a lot to do with the parents, some on genetics, and some on the disorder the child has to deal with. Even those kids that did not do as well as others have done better than those which little has been done.
I think there are just so many factors that have to be looked at more than we are doing. Parents are the first line of support and aid the child has, if they fail that child, then it can be hard for that child to ever correct it, depending on the issue that child has to deal with. I do not believe that the economical situation, or in many cases except the most severe cases should make an effect on a child that they cannot correct themselves, but you are talking about situations that have a deeper influence on the child.

Hi Carmel,

Regarding your parenting question, its not so unusual for children to be curious about what animals look like after they're dead. Of greater concern is her bullying behavior which is a cause for concern. You're right to not let her play with your own children. There are many reasons why children become bullies-usually it's in reaction to feeling bullied themselves, either by their own family members, such as parents or siblings or by their peers, such as the Columbine killers.

Dr. Coleman, I greatly respect your knowledge, experience and expertise, but I would have thought at this point that behavioral scientists would have arrived at some consensus on what influences human beings. Many of the theories I read about seem to take years of research to develop – yet, they can be easily "supported" or "refuted" by common sense or simple observation.

For example, we didn't need years of research in behavioral genetics to tell us that children can have just as much of an impact on how parents behave as parents have on their children. Common sense already validates that.

I think the major flaw in all the research is the assumption that we can unlock some sort of secret about human behavior that will answer all our questions. That might happen eventually, but for now, I don't believe we understand human beings any better today than Aristotle did thousands of years ago.

There is really no way to test or prove these kinds of theories that I can see.

I KNOW that there are somethings that I got from the genetics of my parents and others I got from watching their behaviour when I was growing up. Somethings are even a mix of both.

Unfortunately for me, where/how I got this way doesn't matter so much as how I am going to deal with it now.

I am a community support worker for children with SED waivers. There are so many contributing factors, I doubt that any person with any research will ever have the true answer.

Genetics are a part of the pictures. I do believe that children are born with certain traits, characteristics and tendencies that can be molded by their experiences and interactions with others. The reason I doubt the 50% mark on this is as follows.

I don't see the research myself, so I don't often accept people's word without understanding the process they use for proving the theories. That's just me. I know enough to know that statistics and data are not infallible and can't be skewed to favor or disfavor whatever agenda the tester is on.

(Not saying that is what has happened in any of these studies, it's just what I live by for my own benefit)

Secondly, having worked hands on with children who have some pretty serious issues, I know there are too many factors in the developmental spectrum that are left out here. Environment, trauma, parenting, illness, and any number of things can affect the outcome a child has without regard to his or her genetic makeup.

I do believe that this is part of the picture, and surely valid to study. I just think it needs to be taken as a part of the whole study of children.

There's a fine line in our character traits, positive can become negative with a blink of an eye.

Stubborn or tenacious?
Loyal or co-dependent?
Playful or hyperactive?

The lines in those are pretty thin, and when it comes to children we often choose to see the negative. Unfortunately.

Thank you for another interesting article Dr Coleman

Very informative article. I have always agreed that genetics play a big role in behavior and even thought processes. The key, I think, it to find out what the child's natural tendencies are and point them in the right direction. Like you said about an aggressive child, if pushed certain ways it can affect his whole life. It can be either positive or negative.

I am always amazed how much my mom and I think alike or how much my dad and I have the same temper. I don't think it's all because of the way I was raised, though I think the way I was raised encouraged me to act a certain way.

Great comments! I think it IS extremely hard to separate out all of the factors that go into making a human being who he or she is. Parents do play a huge role. One of the ways that researchers look at the genetic influences are with "conjoint twin studies" where identical twins are separated from birth and raised in different households. Identical twins have largely, though not exactly the same genetic makeup. If you look at enough of these twins and compare them to enough different environments you're able to make some general conclusions about how much of behavior is inherited vs. how much is caused through environmental influences.

I think that one of the key points is the interactive factor. The effects of parenting can play a large role in the optimization of positive traits and genetic potential. The reverse can also be said for less than ideal parenting, where children have depressed environments, which hinder their growth or encourage/reinforce negative behaviors. I think that the nature/nurture debate is complex and there is some variation on the 50/50% formula. With that in mind, however, all research is valuable to better understanding this issue and ongoing debate.

Thanks, with four children and 7 grandchildren, information is wonderful.

I agree completely with Mario Almontoe. Maybe research can unlock some secrets to human behaviour but common sense and pracical experience shows how much a parent and his behaviour can affect the upbringing of a child. Reasearch takes too much time and who has the patience to wait for the answer this debatable question of nature / nurture.

If Humanity followed the instruction manuel we were given by God there would be a whole lot less problems today. Yes we do have an instruction manuel for parents. It is called "The Bible" and it is for all humanity. But we humans want NOTHING to do with God and don't like being told what or how to do anything.

i think it is not an earth shattering truth that the creation of a child's personality is a game between genetics and environment , just read David Copperfield and you cometo realize that there is an entity called spirit or soul that can be proven however comes to show that if you ignore a person's background you will realize how high or low one can go, i believe in the direction , whether godly or human, it can make all the difference .
Genetics can explain a lot but what can not is truly amazing.

I'm way behind on this conversation but I'll comment anyway.
Yes some times they do. Example here is my story. I do blame my mother in a way for my brothers situation now though.

My brother got into a lot of trouble in his life, did drugs, drank a lot, almost died. My mother for a long time blamed herself. That wasn't her fault what he did. My brothers father did the same thing you cant really blame heredity.

My brother now lives with me well he and his wife. His wife works he doesn't right now. His excuse is hes a brick mason's helper and he has no work because of the economy. (hmmmm) Blame game

My brothers wife works at a local fast food chain. They use to give me 60 bux a week. no longer do the do that. they use to buy dinner for the house 2 times a week, I'm lucky now if they buy one meal a week.
Some times I blame my mother because if it wasn't for her he would have never moved in with me. Since she feels guilty she tries to help my brother as much as she can. I've told her that its not helping him its hurting him . well not just him but its hurting me and my family. My mother says oh well they cant make it and would have to live on the streets.
Well is it better for them to live on the streets, or we all live on the streets. ( my house consist of My husband, my 2 daughters, and one on the way, my brother and his wife, and my mother since my dad pasted away my mother lives with me she don't like being by herself. )
Some times once they grow up or at least get a certain age they are responsible for their actions. but those actions affect everyone around them not just them and the world wants to do the blame game.

I do not believe he has a leg to stand on for fact that I'm 6 months pregnant and I went back to work. I work 10 hr shifts on my feet all day. I get up between 2am and 5am to get ready for work. I have to be at work by 6:00am and usually don't get off work til' sometimes after 5. Not only that but I go to GED Classes 2 days a week.
I can honestly say sometimes parents are to blame.

Oh and to Make sure you understand the situation my brother is over 40, and so is his wife.