You Invoke on Me, Now I Invoke on You

I would swear there was a full moon if I hadn't been outside a few hours ago and seen with my own eyes that it wasn't so.  We've had some interesting characters this week, that's for sure.

The kicker has to be this couple who came in for three nights.  Two were under one reservation and the other night for whatever reason was treated as a separate reservation.  Now, I didn't even have to deal with them all that much but even my time had me standing here with a you've got to be kidding me look on my face.  I heard some stories from other people as well, but I know there were more issues than what I've heard so far.

One of the first things they complain about is the number of handicapped parking spaces in our lot.  We have five.  It's dictated by the state and federal government based on our occupancy and all.  Most of the time they are empty.  I know because when we have five of them open I park in one when I come in late at night so my car is close to the building since I am gone before most of the guests are up as well.  When we're busy if there's only one left, I don't do it on the odd chance someone needs it.  Then I brave the bears and skunks!

Whatever else the wife carried on about that first night, she had the one front desk agent that was here in tears.  Our manager was on the phone with her for 45 minutes and almost came in just because of these people's ranting.  This girl is one of the sweetest people around too, and doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.

So I come in and know nothing, except that they are indicated to be "a needy guest".  No problem.  I can handle "needy".  What I have issues with is "psychotic".

The first call comes before 6 AM.  I am told that the shower curtain was "covered in mold" so "we took it down".  Can they have more towels?

So now I figure the room is pretty well trashed and I am just thankful they are on the first floor where water can't drip down into guest rooms below them.

They come out to our breakfast which is both hot and cold.  Wifey starts ranting at the breakfast hosts that the food isn't cooked properly, it's all horrible, nothing is right, etc.  She's even complaining about stuff that's not being served that morning, so it's obvious she's had a lot of experience with the chain.  The breakfast people are courteous with her, even though they already have her pegged as one of our more eccentric guests.  This is without even knowing what happened the night before.

I am on the phone with my kids, so it wasn't a big deal when she came over to the desk.  However, if I had been on the phone with another guest or making a reservation, her behavior would have been extremely rude.  She basically talks over my whole conversation and demands that I speak with her immediately.  No biggie and I said "hang on" and put the phone down.  She then goes on to rant that the food is all moldy and not cooked right to me.  She tries showing me biscuits she says are moldy.  I'm looking at them and all I see are a few spots that are darker but that's from the pan.  The biscuits are delivered frozen, kept in the freezer, and taken out of the freezer to put into the oven that morning.  In addition, she's telling me that all of the food we have for guests in the room and in our little shop are expired.  She also tells me she inspects nursing homes.

Okay.  I am looking at her and she's about 350 pounds and can barely walk.  There's no way she inspects nursing homes.

Whatever.  I thank her for telling me.  I toss the biscuits she has shoved into my hand and hit the anti-bacterial lotion.  Did I mention she had chewed on this food she forced me to take? Yep, it was biscuits, eggs, ham, ketchup, etc.  And I had to take it from her.  Now, are you going to tell me that's the proper procedure for someone who works in the health department?  Shouldn't they be more sanitary in their behavior as well?

She also states that all of the snacks in our little shop are expired and pulls out one pack of cookies that is expired.  I have about 20 minutes left to my shift and I'm not going through everything there at that point checking dates.  I thank her again politely for the information.

A little while later the kitchen manager asks to see what she was talking about and I show her.  She agrees with my assessment that it's just from the pan and the lady is a kook.  She also goes through stuff in the shop when she's got quiet time and tosses what's expired.  It would seem she hit a random package that got overlooked.  I know I tossed a whole bunch of milk the other day myself when I was restocking the drinks.

They leave for the day and I get my manager on the phone and tell her what's been going on.  I tell her I'm calling in sick the next night.

All is quiet the second night of their stay and I think maybe this day will be better.  Nope, at 6 AM they are complaining about noise.  They are complaining about noise from a source this room has never had a problem with.  I thank her again for letting us know.  I talk to the people who could possibly be making the noise she is complaining about.  Nope, they haven't been doing anything out of the ordinary that would create noise. 

After a discussion with my manager the night before, I know how to handle it when she's out here complaining again.  They had one more night scheduled but because they had it on two reservations, they got a bill already.  Of course, here comes the invoke.  So I say "Ma'am I'm sorry that our hotel doesn't meet your standards.  What I am going to do since you are invoking is cancel your last night here at no penalty to you so that you are free to find a hotel room more suitable to you."

I loved it!  Her eyes got huge.  You may have invoked first, but I invoked you as well.  We'll have no problem selling the room.  In fact, it's been pretty hard to find a room in town all week.

In addition, she tried pulling the "working for the health department" line with my manager.  I talked her into filing a complaint with the health department about her behavior.  If there was something here that she felt was "dangerous" then she should have called in an inspector right away and left the premises.  Instead, she tried to use her position (which I looked up on the list of employees at the state health department employees and is in the licensing division - nothing to do with actual inspecting.  She's probably a paper-pusher) to try to strong-arm us at the hotel.

With any luck, she'll lose her job.