Inside and Out

The Bible says that God looks at what’s in our heart, not how we look. Why can’t we do that as well?

How can we possibly believe that one’s skin color or girth makes someone more or less likable? How can we think that the labels of the clothing someone wears or the kind of car they drive makes them more or less successful?

When did graying hair become a liability? In days past, we gleaned wisdom from our elders. Now we tuck them away in retirement villages and nursing homes. We grow weary at the repetition of their stories. But those stories probably hold the secrets, the keys, to what has gone wrong in the world around us. Our ears are deaf; we refuse to hear the wisdom within their words.

Much has been said about when and how our world became so selfish. There are many who believe that when reading the Bible and morning prayers were taken from our schools, that our world started to crumble.

I think taking those things from our classrooms did begin our downward spiral. But there were other things that attributed to the fact that we look down upon those around us, no matter their color or size or age.

Children are left to their own devices when they arrive home from school. Stay-at-home moms are a rarity. Gone are the days when mom was there waiting with milk and cookies, ready to hear about the day’s activities. In her place are music videos, TV shows, video games and Internet friends.

People insist that two incomes are necessary in this world, but I wonder if this would be true if we weren’t so fascinated in acquiring more possessions.  When I lived in Texas, my neighbors moaned about not being able to make ends meet, about being so much in debt. But they wouldn’t have dreamed of having only one vehicle, or even of keeping their cars for more than three or four years. As the prices of cars climbed, their monthly car payments were equal to or greater than their rent payments, and the length of loans increased from a maximum of three years to a maximum of six years.

Their children insisted on designer clothing, on buying each type of game system when it arrived on the market. When they turned sixteen, these same kids had to buy new cars. Gone were the days of having to borrow the family car, or of buying a cheap older car and fixing it up.

In days of old, couples bought a small, older home first, then worked their way up to larger and newer homes as their families grew and their incomes increased. Now, young couples think they have to start out with a gorgeous new and big home. Is it any wonder they have so much debt? Or that mom will have to work when the kids are born?

As a young woman, I was convinced that women’s liberation was important. It was important in some ways. I certainly still believe that women should get equal pay for equal jobs. But that movement portrayed the role of a stay-at-home mom as inferior and we all believed that.

What we all should have realized was that the role of mother is one of the most important roles in every child’s life. Rather than de-valuing the role of mother, we should have elevated it to where it should have always been. We should have been proud, not ashamed, of women who chose this role. Churches should have stepped up and offered classes about the Proverbs 31 woman, or should have shown what an excellent pattern of motherhood that Mary, the mother of Jesus, gave us.

Our children should have been allowed and encouraged to play, to fantasize, to read, to roller skate and ride their bikes. We should have understood that watching TV or playing video and computer games could not replace these things.

Family time should have remained important to us, and family dinners. Sharing what happened during the day while we ate dinner together helped us develop close family ties, helped us learn to love and protect each other.

Back in Texas, when a couple with minor children decided to divorce, they had to take classes about helping their children cope with the divorce. Wouldn’t it be great if couples had to take classes about parenting before the kids were born? Wouldn’t it be great if divorce wasn’t so easy, and marriages weren’t considered throwaways?

In days gone by, every mom, and many dads, were involved in our children’s education by being active in Parent Teacher Associations and by spending time as room mothers. Dads came to school to talk about their jobs. Parents knew what was being taught and were an active part of that process. Now, we relegate all teaching responsibilities to teachers and school administrators. The Bible tells us that parents are responsible for teaching their children. When and why did we abdicate that responsibility?

A very wise man told me that the changes in how we react to others is caused by the fact that instead of learning to love and respect others, we are now taught to tolerate them. He may just have a point, for the word “tolerance” has become a buzzword.

There is quite a difference between respecting and tolerating. Tolerance means sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one's own. Respect means we have a high or special regard.

Respect and love go hand in hand. One definition of love is an unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another or a brotherly concern for another.

God, our Father and Creator of this wonderful world, gave us an excellent instruction manual, which we all tend to forget and neglect. Jesus told us that the most important things we can do are to love God and love our neighbor.

If we truly loved our neighbor, defined, of course as every man, woman and child, if we showed an unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for everyone around us, there would be little need for affirmative action. The color of one’s skin, the size and shape of one’s body, the age of each individual would be unimportant, if we truly loved and respected each and every one.

Mark 12:28-31 NIV 

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"

"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'  The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."