Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be bigots

Bigot (noun) a person who is utterly intolerant of any differing creed, belief, or opinion.

(Source: Random House Unabridged Dictionary)

This is the word that sprang to my mind recently after a conversation that I had with another "Mommy" the other day. Actually what sprang to my mind was "intolerant bigot" but that appears to be redundant. I decided that before using such an inflammatory word, I would make sure that I knew what it meant. After the berating I gave someone after they used the word "niggardly", I deemed it prudent.

It all started as a friendly get together. Mommies bring their children; the children play, eat something that can pass as dinner and the Mommies talk and drink wine. Otherwise known in my circle as "play group." We started off chatting about our children (they are fine), what we planned to do this summer (send the kids to any kind of camp to keep them out of the house), and what the local grocery store had on sale this week (frozen shrimp - 2lbs $7.99.) The topic then turned to religion. Usually we are much more careful than this. Two members of this forum are devout church attendees. One is exploring her faith. I, on the other hand, am somewhere between agnostic and atheist.

My faith, or rather lack there of, is not a secret. In fact I have been questioned numerous times about my beliefs. Why do I put up a Christmas tree? Where else would I put the presents from Santa? Why do I light a Menorah? Because it’s Hanukkah and besides it’s a very pretty Menorah. What evidently people can’t understand is, I can observe a custom without attaching a religious significance to it. If invited to a baptism, first communion, bar or bat mitzvah, funeral or even a Diwali party, I readily attend. I am happy to celebrate or grieve, as the case may be, with those that have invited me. I observe their customs, bowing my head, drinking their toasts, and wearing appropriate clothing. That does not mean that I believe what they believe. Nor do they expect me to.

On this particular Friday afternoon, for the first time, I was met with intolerance. This particular Mommy I have known for quite some time. We have even socialized out side of the “play group.” I guess that is why it was so surprising to me that my lack of faith garnered such a reaction. I was tongue lashed, accused of poisoning the minds of others, and told I was going to hell. However, what disturbed me the most was that I was told that I was “wrong.”

The first thought that ran through my head was, "she is raising two children to be bigots too." My second thought was that I could no longer attend this "play group." This woman represented the antithesis of what I am raising my children to be. I want my children to grow up and be tolerant and open minded. I am attempting to raise "liberal" children in every sense of the word. Do I expect that my children will adopt every belief that I have? No. Do I expect them to remain faithless? Not necessarily, I will help them explore any religion they wish to learn more about. I might even attend services with them. What I will not stand for is for my children to be intolerant or disrespectful of others beliefs.

Let’s face it. When a child does wrong, the first finger is always pointed at the mother. Goodness is usually attributed to both parents, but wrong doing is always the mother’s fault. Bigotry has no place in our global world. In this day and age we encounter people from different countries, religions and belief systems. How can any mother arm their children with anything but tolerance for others? It was then that I made my decision.

While I will miss the Friday afternoons of adult company and chit chat, which is woefully missing in the lives of mothers with small children, I could not, would not expose my children to such hatred. Not for myself, but for them. I don’t want them to be exposed to bigotry simply because I don’t want them to think that it is acceptable. I guess the one thing that I am intolerant of is intolerance. No, the irony is not lost on me.