I am sitting here wondering why some women think they can change the men in their lives?
One scenario goes like this: A smart, savvy woman who has completed her education and advanced in her career feels that it is time to settle down with a life partner. Her biological clock may be ticking or she wants to just share her life with someone. She is introduced to a few men and eventually becomes involved in a relationship with someone. There may be a few warning signs. He may use drugs on occasion. He may have a couple of ex-wives that he refuses to talk about. He may be living in a studio apartment with one chair and a big screen television. The relationship seems to be moving in the right direction and she ignores all the red flags and moves in with him. The little things that didn't matter much in the beginning start to become really annoying so she starts "The Project," changing him into what she thinks she wants.
Why? Most men over 35 are not going to change unless they feel they need to change. If he is not what you want when you meet him, he is not going to magically change into Prince Charming after you move in together.
On the other hand, he may be a perfectly nice guy, great with kids and dogs, and have a good job that meets his expenses and provides for his golf, fishing, motorcycle, -you fill in the blank-, trips. But for some reason he is not exactly what you think he should be so you set out to change the very things you fell in love with in the first place. You may not need to go through all that effort. There is a good chance that some changes are going to happen over the course of the relationship on both sides. Without pressure, the growth will occur in positive ways.
I had a friend tell me once that she loved a guy because he was a "diamond in the rough" and she saw his potential. I am sorry. I do not want a "diamond in the rough." A diamond in the rough is a lump of coal and it takes a lot of pressure to change that lump of coal into a diamond. No man worth his salt is going to allow anyone to put him under that kind of pressure. That is just too much work for both parties.
Most good guys I know want to be accepted for who they are. Most women do, too. If you meet someone and there are some things that make you cringe then move on. Someone else may think your "diamond in the rough" is already a prize. Don't waste your time trying to change someone when what you really want is already out there waiting for you.
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Comments: 21
Love & peace,
I often hear women complain about controlling men, but notice more often it is the woman acting as though she owns the man. It might just be the women I know, and not a universal truth, but many of them think they should choose how he will dress, where he will go, who he's allowed to befriend, how he does the chores she assigns him, how much and when he will contribute to her idea of how clean the house should be, etc.
On another note, if even small things cause red flags to go up because they bother you before you actually move in or marry, you can be sure that sharing the same bathroom will only make things worse!
Nothing wrong with having someone and accept them for themselves and allow everything about him or her to become apart of your life if you love them.
Most seem to want to change the women by adding mini skirts to them only get into fights later with other men who find this woman highly attractive and an ego being protected mostly his and not her honor.
Men are changed by women only make them more attractive to the other women so either way they lose. Keeping your mate the same and doing things together is great but to change is to lose what you once had.
I see it alot and it causes alot of problems and also causes divorce based on the fact of one not accepting the other for who they are inside not what is on the outside.
CHANGE? ONLY IF FOR THE RIGHT REASONS:)
I loved the aritcle, great stuff:)
But then thre's the BAV point of view, why change anything? Pulse? Penis? Perfect! ;)
1. control-he needs to control everything, money, movement, friends.
2.isolation-he has few or no friends at all that are close anyhow
3.temper-he gets angry very quickly and you think you did something wrong, you did not , thats' the way he is!