by Spiritguided Woman
Member since:
January 14, 2006

Forgiveness

April 23, 2006 05:55 AM EDT (Updated: April 27, 2006 11:28 AM EDT)
views: 103 | rating: 10/10 (14 votes) | comments: 31

"To forgive points to an inward feeling, and suppose alienated affection; when we ask forgiveness, we primarily seek the removal of anger" - Merriam Webster Dictionary

 

Forgiveness is expressed as:

  1. To renounce anger.
  2. To cease to feel resentment against another
  3. To excuse for a fault or an offense

 

I needed to find peace in my life.  I searched and searched to find it.  Then one day I said to myself, "Self, you have a choice.  If you now want peace in your life, you can forgive the people that have hurt you and you can choose to forgive yourself for those you have hurt.   If you do not want to choose forgiveness, then the other option is to struggle with a guilty heart which will forever haunt you with memories and consume you with feelings of negativity."  Which do you choose?

 

I chose to forgive and for the first time I felt peace, honest to goodness peace, descending on me, clothing me in a warm blanket of love.  A clean, clear, brightness began to spread throughout me.  With the peace came a love for myself and all my flaws and love for all those who may treat me in a negative way.   I have slowed down my speech and speak a little quieter.  I try not to rush through my words and to really listen to what people are saying. 

 

I do not forget and I never will.  However, no one can erase the memories, the feelings, the anger, the words, and the sadness that courses through my body and injects itself into my world again.  You have to really want this, truly want this.  You must be at a point in your life when carrying the burden of forgiveness is no longer acceptable and you are truly ready for a change.

 

Are you ready?

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Comments: 31

hiral h Apr 23, 2006, 7:09am EDT
yes, its absolutely true, the way u feel relieved after forgiving someone is great .it is difficult, but then once u do it, u feel relieved
Chris Burnett Apr 23, 2006, 7:11am EDT
How we live each day is a choice...sounds like you have chosen the high road. Chris Burnett
Spiritguided Woman Apr 23, 2006, 7:25am EDT
I am fortunate for forgiving them (even it wasn't face to face) because now I can be around them and I don't have to worry anymore. I just sit peacefully, if it gets to be too much then I leave the room. I'm hanging onto this sense of peace with all my might.
Linda Douglas Apr 23, 2006, 8:18am EDT
Excellent, Lisa. I, also, have found this to be the most powerful force of healing in my life. At times I have to go through the process again with someone I thought I forgave in the past, but I know that without forgiving someone I am carrying around poison that is only hurting me. In fact, a wise person in a room I frequent once said - "Holding resentment and unforgiveness is like walking around with a handful of crap in your pocket waiting for someone to throw it at. The only person who ends up stinking is you." I have one person in my life that I find it hard to forgive and I have found that when I look at forgiving him I also need to look at forgiving myself for what I did in the relationship. In fact, we often put ourselves on the bottom of the forgiveness list and we need to recognize the resentments we are holding against our own actions. Thank you for writing this. It is powerful.
Colleen Nielsen Apr 23, 2006, 8:35am EDT
I like the peace you have found and understand the need to maintain the memory. Regardless of good/bad, these experiences are part of us and have shaped us in some manner, to learn and strengthen our future experiences. Peace to you...
Sally M. Apr 23, 2006, 8:44am EDT
I really enjoy your spirit and appreciate your insight, Lisa.

If you would also share your thoughts sometime about how to effectively deal with anger -- in a healthy way -- I would be most grateful! I've always had a short temper and never learned as a kid how to manage those feelings.
0000-erniezarraphd-0000 Apr 23, 2006, 10:08am EDT
Lisa, very wise. I find that I have realized forgiveness in three phases. First, my mind says to do it, all while the phsycak and emotional realities are resident. Second, the emotional part dissipates with keeping the mind resolute and busy. Third, when the gut-feeelings are few-and-far-between, I have arrived. Mental, emotional, and physical . . . that's how I am wired. Great insights, Lisa. Thanks for prompting these thoughts.
Stephen Schneider Apr 23, 2006, 10:43am EDT
Forgiveness is the only choice. Any other stance merely is a vicious circle of negative thoughts.
Mary M. Alward Apr 23, 2006, 10:53am EDT
Lisa, I'm glad you found it in your heart to forgive. Forgiveness heals the body, mind and spirit.
Charles Mussi Apr 23, 2006, 11:25am EDT
Lisa, you are a gifted writer and an inspiration. THANKS!

Smiles
Nancy S. Apr 23, 2006, 11:47am EDT
I am so happy for you that you are finding peace. That is what's important.
Lisa- great article. Forgiveness is an incredibly tough idea for me to wrap my mind around. It takes me years, sometimes it doesn't happen at all. Peace is my goal ultimately, though, and forgiveness is the only true way to get there...thanks for the simplicity of your words..
Cheryl C. Apr 23, 2006, 1:00pm EDT
Resonant piece - eloquent and elegant. Thanks

I am fond of the following quotation from Henri Nouren:
"Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all of us love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour -- unceasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human race."
Dawn M Apr 23, 2006, 3:39pm EDT
You don't have to come face to face with someone in order to take that step of forgiving. It is a choice that one has to make, and it needs to come from the heart in order to find that peace. I'm glad you found the inner peace Lisa. Great article.
Yvonne Christian (Uncommon Bostonian) Apr 23, 2006, 5:39pm EDT
Forgiving is a good tool to have for peace in your life. It has a great healing effect. Being angry and unforgiving hurts on many levels and causes a lot of distress and conflict. I enjoyed your article.
Forgiveness is to overlook others not fulfilling the roles we assign to them to make us happy. It comes from the realization that no one else can make us unhappy - only we can via accepting any negativity that might be offered us. If we refuse to accept such a 'gift', it is not received. Forgiveness is looking past the mistakes of others to the truth of them, which is love. Seek only this and you will find it.

Magi
Post Script: If your refuse to take part in the blame game, the game is ended and the slate is wiped clean so that a new and better game can begin.

Magi
Granny Janny H. Apr 24, 2006, 1:02am EDT
This is a true story. A woman's daughter was murdered. The murderer was tried and convicted. The mother went to visit the convict and forgave him. This experience was so healing for her that she began to speak to groups about forgiveness. She designed and distributed bumper stickers that said "Forgiveness is looking forward to a better past."
Kathryn E. Apr 24, 2006, 1:10am EDT
Very important, Lisa. Thank you for sharing this with us. Not always easy, but necessary; more for ourselves, than the forgiven. I, myself have needed to forgive, in my life. It is something I am continually working through with people.
Spiritguided Woman Apr 25, 2006, 1:45pm EDT
I humbly apologize for not responding earlier to all your entries. I was in the hospital and am now recovering. However, I can not begin respond to all your imput other than I appreciate your support of this article. If I just touch one person then I've done my job.

Thank you all.

Namaste
0000-erniezarraphd-0000 Apr 25, 2006, 3:07pm EDT
Lisa, well said. Practice makes perfect (almost).
Carol Voigts Apr 25, 2006, 11:49pm EDT
forgiveness is the most freeing act one can do for one's self. In addition , there is a gift that you then give to the forgiven person that heps them go on in life (that is if they are open to being forgiven.
I'm sorry you've been ill and hope you're making a quick recovery.
Spiritguided Woman Apr 26, 2006, 12:30am EDT
I now have peace around me when I am in contact with those I have forgiven. If I never had forgiven them, I wouldn't be able to support them in their current situations which is helping me a lot and also them because there isn't any negativity within the relationships.

Thank you, God.

Many blessings to you all!

Namaste
Christopher Bell Apr 26, 2006, 1:31am EDT
Lisa,
I am sorry to learn you were recently in the hospital. Hopefully you are mending and will feel better. Forgiving the fraility which is our body is also important and worthwhile.Your wonderful article reminds me of the terrific book, "The Spirituality of Imperfection." The author, whose name I cannot remember right now, wrote the following wonderful two sentences: "I'm not all right and you are not all right but it's OK." and "If something is worth doing, it is worth doing badly." The latter sentence applies especially to forgiveness which, as some already have pointed out, is not a single act but is an on-going process of accepting our own imperfections and the imperfections of others

There is one sentence in your article I do not understand and I wonder if you would be kind enough to enlighten me. That sentence is: "You must be at a point in your life when carrying the burden of forgiveness is not longer acceptable and you are truly ready for a change." Thanks and be well. Chris

.
Marguerite Pulsipher Apr 27, 2006, 1:36am EDT
Lisa, reading your words gave me comfort and hope. I'm happy that you were able to heal your spirit by chosing to forgive. I am in awe of those that are able take a hurtful, painful experience and genuinely forgive, it is something that I personally struggle with, I haven't figured out how to do it yet. At what point do you finally say "ENOUGH!" How do you let go of that feeling of a knot in your stomach? What do you do when you find that your hands are clinched so tightly that you're digging your fingernails into your palms and don't even feel it? How do you finally let yourself exhale? You said that for yourself you made a choice to have peace and forgiveness in your life instead of being consumed with negativity, I'm grateful for your insight.
Laura M. Apr 27, 2006, 2:37am EDT
Beautifully written and heartfully enacted. This is I think, the most important ingredient in truly realizing love for self and others...abandoning ego judgments and seeking the commonality we share more than looking for the differences. I am now looking more for ways to help othersin my life and limited time here, than ways to define or categorize them. Being subjected to others judgments is always painful, and I choose not to inflict that pain on anyone else as much as I can.....ain't perfect yet, by a long shot, but I am accountable for all that I say and do and make amends quickly when I am at fault....this opens my heart and a potential conversation that may lead to healing by all involved. Thank you for this, Lisa!
Spiritguided Woman Apr 30, 2006, 11:28pm EDT
Christopher, I will have to look up that book and I corrected the wording in the article. Many thanks.

Marguerite, I will write to you about all these questions. Too long to get into it here.

Keep your heart open, Laura as you walk along your path for it is quite a brilliant sight! Thanks

Your comment was deeply appreciated, Monsieur de Rochefort.

Namste to all

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