What does the term "adult child" mean?

Wait.  I thought I was an adult.  But, according to popular lingo, I am also "an adult child."  It means that my mom still thinks of me as her kid.  Thus she can say to me, without even thinking, "Honey, you HAVE to put shoes on before you step out in the street! You could cut your foot on a piece of GLASS!"  And I, an adult, can say back, "Mom.  I'm 47.  I've been walking around my neighborhood barefoot for years, to take out the garbage, to run out to the car..." and she can say "I know honey, but it's NOT smart!"  And I can say, " and YOU can't tell ME what to do anymore!" And SHE can say:  "I KNOW!!!!" 

Then we fume a bit.  But we've got bigger fish to fry in our family than these petty concerns.  So before you know it, we are back to conversing as two women.  Then we are back to being the mother and daughter.  OR sometimes it almost seems like I'm the mother, because she adores me and thinks that the things   I say or do are so insightful.  Then I don't want to be the mother.  I want HER to be the mother.  I want to be able to lean on her.   And so we go, through the day.

Jane Isay has written a book called "Walking on Eggshells:  Navigating the Relationship Between Adult Children and Parents"  ( http://www.randomhouse.com/doubleday/walkingoneggshells/ ).
She wrote it because it was the book she needed to read when she realized that she was so careful, so tenuous, and so oddly formal with her grown sons that she felt like she was "walking on eggshells." 

Her main advice is:  "Don't give advice."   This can result in "shredded tongue syndome," the condition in which the parent is trying so hard to not give advice that she is shredding her tongue from biting it......!
 
I am veering dangerously close to having at least one adult child.  Oh for crying out loud.  How come you can't just freeze dry them at the exact stage of ultimate communication and cuteness, like about age 7? 

I'm still setting limits and actively "parenting" this 16 year old of course.   But four years from now, what will our relationship be like?   And four years, doesn't that go by in a second? 

The interview I did with Jane Isay is on the second pilot of "How's the Family?" which airs tomorrow, Friday May 25, at 2 p.m. on the news and information stations of Minnesota Public Radio. 

--Nanci Olesen is the host of "How's the Family?"  a pilot program at Minnesota Public Radio.  She can be reached at nolesen@mpr.org