This evening as I was throwing trash out, a very large, rotund raccoon scared the living day lights out of me. I opened the lid and was getting ready to swing the trash bag in, when he popped his bandit swathed face up and out at me. I screamed louder than Pamela Anderson in a sex video. I promptly dropped the garbage can lid on his fat head and jumped back 6 feet. The lid isn't heavy and didn't knock him out like I was hoping it would.
He was now hanging on the side of the can from the inside with the lid resting on his head. An image of Oscar the Grouch popped into my head and I had to smile. That sweet Mother Nature moment didn't last long. My furry little friend obviously didn't appreciate my sense of humor, because he started hissing at me like a deranged cat.
He continued to hiss while trying to haul his large back side out of the can. Since he has a brain the size of a peanut, he didn't take into account that the can was nearly empty when he got in it. He also didn't know that I had thrown a broken portion of a cinder block in the bottom of the can the day before, weighing the can down nicely. Getting out was not going to be so simple.
Since I love animals and have a strong motherly instinct, I thought I could get behind the can and tip it over. Thus freeing my sweet friend back into the wild... (Insert birds singing and Bambi frolicking through the forest here) Before I could move the raccoon slipped back down and the lid plopped shut over him. I took this as my cue and quickly slid behind the can. The second I put my hand on the handle the raccoon threw himself up and out of the can, 8 inches in front of my face. He looked like Neo at the end of The Matrix, flying through the air. All he needed was some sunglasses and a long trench coat.
I shrieked like a banshee as the raccoon hit the ground running. He made a bee-line for the neighbors' yard and didn't look back. Just then I noticed the neighbors watching me from their porch, laughing their butts off. They had seen the whole thing. I took a bow and with my face red, came back in the house.
Next time someone else can take the garbage out.
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Comments: 54
You have had a fun day.. lol I laughed my butt off... Seriously.. it is in the floor beside me..lol I loved this. i have a racoon that I feed scraps too.. but now he has figured out how to open my dog food container.. he sits there with his big well fed butt and will not run away.. he just looks at me, hiding behind that mask of his.. and smiles like a bandit.. they are cute.. but i dont want to get to close either.. you have a good day.. cant wait to see what tomorrow brings you.. smile..
I had those late night callers....
Lee I saw that recipe of yours... I just couldn't do it!
Great story! I loved it!
Once when we were camping I woke up and looked into a pair of beady little eyes. It had been a cold night, A raccoon had come into our tent and was sleeping on my chest to keep warm. GAAA!
meryl?? On your chest?? what happened??
Thanks!
Good stuff. :)
I'd rather the critters stay out of my way!
Try googling "Raccoon Attacks"
..... yikes.
Raccoons and all wildlife JUST DO NOT DO THAT SWEET FUZZY STUFF.
I've had many close encounters with racoons over the years, and I have no trouble visualizing what you describe. They can and do entertain and outwit we poor humans pretty much at will.
thanks Diana!
I wrote this back in march I am amazed you even found it!
steve thanks for all that you do
I had no idea anyone was reading these from last year!