Discipline for Your Baby or Toddler

Is that cute, little baby overtly defying you? There will come a time when your baby will begin testing you. Usually this starts in the second year — suddenly your baby has opinions! It may start by refusing to eat certain foods or tossing food and objects on the floor and watching for your reaction. At first, it is just a game. Baby drops the toy on the floor, and Mom or Dad picks it up. As your baby approaches the middle of his second year, these games may become more a battle of wills. The games may stop being cute and become slightly annoying. When the third cup of milk is poured all over your new rug, your tone of voice may change. You may find yourself admonishing your baby for the first time.

While throwing toys and food on the floor may be irksome, some actions at this age are outright dangerous. When your baby lets go of your hand and dashes for the street, you need to give him or her a firm warning. As he reaches for the hot stove, the tone of your voice needs to be different than the one you used to ask him to stop throwing food on the floor. With an action that is dangerous, I usually recommend stopping all activity, getting down to baby’s eye level, looking baby in the eye, and saying, “No” in a firm, strong voice. This tells your baby that this “no” is different than the many other “no’s” he has heard during the day. You can then go on to explain to your baby why he cannot run in the street — using language he can understand.

Usually parents do not have trouble admonishing their baby in these circumstances, since health and safety are at stake. But for milder offenses, tackling discipline can be unnerving for parents.

I often am asked, “At what age does our baby understand that he is doing something wrong, versus just being playfully curious?” There is no simple answer to this question, but sometime after fifteen months, the playful mischief can be more intentionally challenging. For example, the television clicker is a beloved object for most one year olds who love to push buttons. By the time you have reprogrammed the television for the ninth time, you may want to remove the clicker from the baby’s reach. Removal of the object or distraction is the most effective way to change your baby’s behavior in these early months. But as your baby approaches the terrible two’s, he may intentionally try to get at that clicker, not out of curiosity but more to get to you. You can tell when the switch has occurred because while reaching for the clicker, the toddler will be watching you acutely for your reaction.

Dealing with intentionally naughty behaviors may require new strategies. A time-out chair, centrally located, is a good strategy. The child needs to be able to see you, although you should not make eye contact while he is in the chair. The time outs should be short — just a few minutes out of the action with no attention. Rewarding bad behavior with more attention can be a problem. Try to reward good behavior regularly, rather than reacting to bad behavior.

We are all human and have human emotions ― anger, impatience, and sometimes rage. Fatigue, multitasking, and low blood sugar — both the parent’s and the child’s — can aggravate these emotions. Children respond best when discipline is meted out fairly, consistently, and without parental rage. And give lots of hugs and kisses for the good (even if rare!) behavior.

How do you discipline your toddler? Do you have specific questions about what is appropriate for different ages?

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