So here is a update for all my fellow Gatherers on Seth. Remember him? He's the lawyer from Albany who recently lost his job, kind of disappeared for about a week then resurfaced with minimal communication but told me he was still interested.
Anyway…he and I went on a hike this Saturday on Turkey Mountain in Westchester, NY. He was home to visit his family for Passover and we decided it would be great opportunity to do something. So I told him that since I was coming up to his area, he'd have to plan it. The weather was supposed to be nice so he opted for a hike. I am not quite the outdoorsy girl but this was a very easy hike. It was no Mount Everest! We talked the entire time and had a great time as always but I think the lack of communication and the length of time (1 month) between our first and second dates definitely put a strain on things.
I'm actually beginning to get a little frustrated. After the first date, I made a spur of the moment decided to buy Lion King tickets because he really wanted to see it. We are supposed to go this Saturday. However, I called him last night and he still has not called back. For somebody who doesn't have a job, it's taking him quite a while to communicate and return a phone call. I'm getting increasingly frustrated as this seems to be a trend. I'm at a point where I am getting bored and annoyed and I'd prefer to spend Saturday night with a friend than with him. Despite saying he's interested, he's acting completely uninterested. Actions speak louder than words.
I may just call him up and tell him that he seems to have too much else on his mind at this point in time but when he's settled to give me a call again. It's not fair to me to not get return phone calls or have my emails answered or to be left hanging 85% of the time. Even Matt, my boyfriend of 9 months last year who was so busy he barely had time to himself, always managed to find time to call me everyday, sometimes more than once. Matt's life revolved around his work and he was constantly on the go. It's just surprising to me that Seth has yet to call me back within 24 hours of me calling him and NEVER answers the phone the first time I call.
I'm not upset or angry, but disappointed. He put on this game on our first date and in the week there after that brought out that he was a great guy, saying things like, "I want to maximize my time with you so anything you want to do is wonderful." Or "you don't deserve to be disappointed again and I don't intend on disappointing you." So what happened? Well…although I'm not angry or upset, I am certainly disappointed, and maybe even a little bit confused.
Oh well. Shall I say "another one bites the dust?"
recommend this
email
print
link to this page
Comments: 18
Women always say they want this or that in a man. It's almost always a fantasy lie.
I know you're laughing at me now, but I have had some experience in this game some women demand a man play.
Women want sensitivity -- That's a big lie.
Women want total honesty - Another big lie.
They only want those things if the sensitivity matches their own and the honesty matches the truth they want to hear.
It's usually true that any two people in game mode can like each other if and only if one of two things happen: 1) The person remains or changes to meet your immediate imagined wants/needs. 2) You remain or change to meet their imagined wants/needs.
This is called game playing.
As soon as you base your decision on what he DOES then you have fallen into the wants/needs fantasy game playing in which most people exist.
I like a woman I've only seen three times in the last five years. How can that be?
I make absolutely no demands on her nor does she make any on me.
There is no nagging. No constant calling. There is mutual respect and care for one another.
Seth's lack of care for my feelings in any way....or his lack of ability to call me back which is causing a string-along effect, shows a complete lack of respect for me and an obvious disinterest.
Thanks Flit :-) I have to say I haven't seen you on here much. I HATE NEW GATHER! I find it so difficult to find all of my friends :-(
There's nothing wrong with wanting a guy to call you back. It doesn't have to be that day or even the next day, but weeks? Not cool.
Do you have a girl friend that hasn't called you in weeks, months? Do you hate her? Is she stringing you along? Is she causing you pain? Does she not like you?
When people say the other person doesn't care, say they don't respect me, lack feelings, are stringing me along, they are really saying: That person isn't following my rules.
More likely he doesn't understand or comprehend your rules or is too busy following his own. That means he's uninformed or distracted, not that he's a jerk, mean, cruel, or a bad person, like most women tend to say. There are bad people, however, but that's a whole different article.
Know what you want, accept what you get for whatever value it has, and don't waste time blaming others.
I just don't comprehend why this dating thing is such an important part of your life. Why does this person suddenly have to fit in a mold? If he calls once a month, so what? Go or don't go. Why all the drama of betrayal? I understand and agree with you moving on with your activities and even finding new friends. Do you have to date someone who diminishes your social variety? I don't understand why that is so necessary for you.
It just seems to me in just about every famous romance novel the woman ends up falling in love with the person she initially hates. If this isn't a female fantasy then why are these novels so famous?
Have you ever seen the French Lieutenant's Woman? Did you like it?
There have been too many apologies and words and not enough action to go along with those words. Like I said in the article, actions speak far louder. You can say one thing and do something completely different...and that's not just in dating but in any aspect of your life. I'm one for actions.
STOP SAYING AND START DOING
You have to understand how ignorant I really am. I'm serious... I'm a social idiot. I really do feel like an alien when I look at social norms.
I'm going to take a guess here... The first encounter was so great that he knows he can never repeat the perfection. Because of that he is putting off a second attempt for fear of rejection. He sees your level of expectation and believes he can never attain it.
By all means go out with other people. Even if he becomes the perfect date again you should still go out with other people.
In all your comments I feel you are mercilessly judging the person just as you would pick out a candidate for office. What kind of person will you end up with if someone bends to your will?
I know so many people who say,"What happened to the person I married?"
The answer is simple. Each got what they demanded or saw what they required for an illusionary happiness.
Common goals and friendship. I believe that's what makes a good relationship. For all my talk, for all my preaching, my rules and requlations are diametrically opposite to those of this society. I guess that makes me a fraud, makes my comments so hypocritical, but even so it bothers me to see you unhappy. Perhaps that's why I rant.
Totally off the subject, if you like fantasy, I've posted chapter one of my book.