A Crossroads in Life

Most of us, halfway to a hundred, confront a need for greater self-awareness. We reach a point when the power of youth is gone, the possibility of failure presents itself, and the dreams of earlier times seem shallow and pointless. And then we find ourselves asking the tough questions: What am I meant to do now? What really matters? Who am I?

For many years I had ignored these questions because I had too many responsibilities—too many other lives to consider. But all of a sudden, there were no more excuses. Old truths and ideals no longer served me. I was restless, unhappy, and full of an undefined ache, standing at a crossroads with no clear idea of what path to follow. I only knew that I needed a change. So I took a leap of faith, walked away from the mainstream of life, and dove headlong into the unknown.

My first book, A Year by the Sea, tells about the "awakening" I experienced when I left behind my husband and family to live on Cape Cod. It is a very personal memoir that has helped hundreds of thousands of women wake up as well. But the itinerary I designed for myself during that year alone proved difficult to hold on to once I returned to living with others. It was one thing to live a simple life, guided by the cycles of nature and my own inner tides while I walked the beaches of Cape Cod and cooked dinner for one, quite another to do so once I resumed my place in the web of family and friends, and a career.

This book chronicles the ten years from that time of "awakening" to the more recent past, when I finally began to feel settled into my own reality. In the process of eliminating illusion, I was able once and for all to embrace what is simple and true. By looking back at the roads I chose to travel, I came to see how many were valid and how many were not—those that I happened upon quite by accident where lessons were learned and hardships endured, and those that led to counterfeit destinations that in the short term seemed attractive but in the long term proved catastrophic.

It is my hope that through my sharing of pitfalls and triumphs, you will be encouraged to create your own new itinerary, knowing all the while that detours, back roads, and slippery causeways are all parts of the journey as well as its lessons. But how do such journeys begin?

The call to a second journey usually commences when unexpected change is thrust upon you, causing a crisis of feelings so great that you are stopped in your tracks. Personal events such as a betrayal, a diagnosis of serious illness, the death of a loved one, loss of self-esteem, a fall from power are only a few of the catalysts. A woman caught thusly has no choice but to pause, isolate, even relocate until she can reevaluate the direction in which she should head. Should she stay the course or choose another path?

But alas, many of us inhibit our capacity for growth because the culture encourages us to live lives of uniformity. We stall, deny, ignore the ensuing crisis because of confusion, malaise, and yes, even propriety. Yet more and more, I come in contact with women, particularly in midlife—that uneasy and ill-defined period—who do not want merely to be stagnant but rather desire to be generative. Today's woman has the urge to go against the prevailing currents, step out of line, and break with a polite society that has her following the unwritten rules of relationship, accepting the abuses of power in the workplace, and blithely living with myriad shoulds when she has her own burgeoning desires.

This book will help you navigate through change—from being merely awakened to being a determined, impassioned pilgrim on her own individual path. This does not mean giving up family and friends; it simply means integrating the web of family and other relationships into your world so that they are a part of your life but not your entire life.

During my travels or life experiences, I was made to account for that which was outlived in my life and that which was unlived. By gradually letting go of that which was finished or outlived, I was able to make room for and welcome new endeavors and yet-unlived possibilities.

We are born to be ourselves—in need of upgrading the gene—to look back again and again and befriend that person we once intended to become. Life, like a beach, is always rearranging itself. The trick is to welcome and then work with, not against, the changes, and in doing so deepen our innate strengths. Knowing, acknowledging, and celebrating the phases all women go through—how we've risen above our angst, respecting our very determination—that is the fodder needed to continue our independent journeys. The goal is to come of age in the middle of life rather than live out our days lacking purpose and energy. It's all about rearranging our lives in our own image.

Excerpted from THE SECOND JOURNEY by JOAN ANDERSON. Copyright (c) 2008 JOAN ANDERSON.. All rights reserved. Published by VOICE, an imprint of Hyperion. Available wherever books are sold.

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The Second Journey: The Road Back to Yourself is the currently featured book in the Getting Better All The Time group. Written by Joan Anderson, it's a story about finding yourself and what's important in your life. To join the group and stay on top of all of the new articles and excerpts, click here.