Making memories of comfortable, happy moments

I've always been a homebody. As the eldest child of a large family, I grew up in a chaotic whirl of activity. Every day had long to-do lists, dozens of schedules to keep on track, yet amazingly almost every night was celebrated around the dinner table. Lucky me-my parents provided us with a cozy home, lots of love, and a blueprint for life: Hug often and embrace each day as if it might be a party. The right partner makes this easier to do. I realized early that celebrations at home need little more than a merry spirit to be a success.

When I married Brett, my father-in-law was not pleased. Brett and I were unemployed college students and madly in love. He warned us, "You'll just be living on LUUVVV!" Instead of mustering a sense of doom, we were delighted with the romantic notion and took pride in feathering our own nest.
Our first dinner party was for my new in-laws. I wanted to prove it was possible to make ends meet-even entertain-when living on love. In a quest to look worldly, I stir-fried shredded pork and wrapped seasoned cabbage into spring rolls, but my hours of effort fell flat. I did impress Brett's parents with my resourcefulness, but his midwestern dad was reluctant to taste anything more exotic than white rice. That day I learned an important lesson about the seductive nature of comfort foods and that I could have simply melted his dad's heart with mashed potatoes.

As newlyweds, it seemed like we were playing house, but I now realize we were practicing living together. Everyday dinners and celebrations helped us define our partnership. Preparing simple meals together and dining by candlelight became our first romantic tradition, but before long we were brazen enough to follow my mom's recipe, stuffing (and deboning!) two turkeys for our first Thanksgiving together-a neighbor's oven made it possible. On the hottest day of the summer, friends would fill the apartment for our Hawaiian party. When we found a home with a deck, dinner under the stars became our specialty and Brett earned his reputation as the grill master.

I believe in daily rituals. Studies show that sharing a meal together is a significant bonding experience. Making memories of comfortable, happy moments is an important emotional building block. Learning how to create celebrations together is a skill that will strengthen your relationship. Working together and enjoying the results is a healthy accomplishment.

Although there are all sorts of nesters (as my mom would croon, "people who need people . . ." ), I've found that those who have already planned a wedding together are appropriately fearless when it comes to hosting a party. Why not? The experience of organizing hundreds of details makes the prospect of a dinner buffet for six friends seem a snap. Plus, it's a treat to break in all the nifty new housewarming and wedding gifts.

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