The Lost Art of Listening - Listen Profoundly

Have you ever thought about what the object of listening is? Listening is an art, and like anything else, takes practice and is a life skill. But no one ever taught us how to listen, just to speak, so how would we know.

There are two very important aspects to listening: to obtain information and to be fully available to someone when they are talking. Yet, have you ever noticed that most people don't listen when we talk. They are either interrupting with a story, an opinion or thinking about what they will say next. It happens all the time. Yet, it is just as unlikely that we really listen to people.

Listening is an active state and requires the ability to drop our own needs and be present for someone else. We all know when someone is really listening to us and when they are not. Just think for a moment about all the people in your life and who really listens to you? What is it that you feel or that they do or say that affirms that they are, in fact, really listening to you?

Like most people, I thought I was a good listener until I experienced what it felt like to have someone genuinely and intently listen to me. It not only changed my experience in a profound way, but how I try and listen to others' today. I used to think I had to solve other people's problems or give my advice and what I discovered was people don't want advice. In fact, like me, they hated when people did that because it meant they weren't listening. I also found that if people really wanted advice, they'd ask for it. No problem. After all, no one likes to be told what to do and we already know what it is we need to do anyway. All we really want is to be heard.

The good news is by practicing being a good listener you will radically improve your relationships! When you can hold a space for someone and just listen without judgment, interruptions or opinions, they are more apt to feel better about themselves, fully process their thoughts and realize what they need to do. In turn, they are likely to reciprocate and do the same for you. This leads to healthy and mutually beneficial relationships where both people take turns listening, talking and have genuine, heartfelt conversation. No one feels threatened or needs to try and top each other and a sincere exchange occurs. Being objective while listening will also allow people to feel more comfortable with you and open up. It creates a basic level of trust and makes them feel accepted, not judged. People will love you for it!

Being heard is powerful and has a profound effect on people's health and well-being. If only we listened more to ourselves, spouses, family and friends the world might be a better place. After all, the need to be heard, loved and accepted is universal. Yet everyone is starving for it so no one is listening.