My boys actually slept in until 7am this morning, giving me time to read an interesting article in today's Boston Globe. People get so worked up over Linda Hirschman and her very public argument that moms should be utilizing their brains and talents at the office. In fact, someone has actually made death threats against her! I can't imagine being so impassioned about any philosopher's opinion that I would feel the need to threaten bodily harm or death.
Truth is, I see no end to the ongoing debates about whether moms should stay home or remain in the workforce following children. These debates—that are fueled primarily by the mainstream media—feel closer to me now because I have young children. Yet statistics indicate that most moms return to work at some point after having children. Fully 80 percent of moms in America are doing some kind of paid work today. There's a reason for this.
In my humble opinion, it has nothing to do with choices. It has nothing to do with loving your job or hating your job. Or wanting to be at home or wanting to be in the office. I believe it has everything to do with healthcare and health insurance.
I feel lucky that I can work for myself. I can do this because my husband's employer provides health benefits. My sister, who works a demanding job, cannot leave her position to start her own business (as much as she'd like to) because her husband's employer does not provide benefits. Another mommy friend of mine with two little girls works part time exclusively for the healthcare benefits. What money she makes goes right over to pay for day care. The cost of healthcare outside of the benefits provided by her employer would be a financial hardship on her family. You see, her husband is a contractor and self-employed. She's done the math a million times. This is her best solution.
To use a word thrown around often in this debate, I "choose" to work. Because I can. By using the word "choose" I am being frank and honest. Not all women have the choice. Talk to almost any mom employed full time and she'll most likely tell you she'd prefer to work part time. More time with the kids, less time in the office. It's a win-win. Ideal, really.
So why have children if you're going to let someone else raise them? This is a question I hear frequently when I meet people who think I am an at-home mom. If I am at the playground on Fridays or at the library for story time, people immediately presume I don't work. After all, how can I be somewhere at 10:30am if I have a job?
Because last night I was on my computer until 11pm, working. But they don't know that.
Seems like so much of this debate about moms working or not working could be easily solved through two obvious mandates: subsidized healthcare for all Americans and part time or flexible work arrangements for those who want it. This is not a benefit I feel should be exclusive to parents. Imagine the quality of life in this country if everyone was allowed to reduce their work schedules, job share, or work part time and still have health insurance. Think about how much time is wasted in a typical office every day.
It's a big dream, I know. But it's my American dream.
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Comments: 6
Working part-time is wonderful, wish it were an option for more moms. I know I'm extremely fortunate to have a part-time job that keeps my career alive yet is very flexible.
It seems like if there was a will, there would be a way to make it happen. Combine resources of all healthcare systems. Combine all employee costs of all these systems, use it like social security, taken out of everyone's check (it is anyhow, right?) Unrealistic? Perhaps.
Much of this debate, I feel, is fueled not only by the media but also by women themselves, who often feel insecure about the choices they feel they are forced to make.
Perhaps if your suggestions became reality, women would become more secure and happy with their lives, and wouldn't feel a need to justify their decisions.
I'm a child of the 80's and was raised to be educated and Have It All. Lucky for me, I do. Wish every woman could.
My husband and I "raise" him every minute that we spend with him. The teachers at preschool care for him a few hours a day, but we are the ones who set the standard for him. We model morality, citizenship, family values, and all of the other important parental duties we need to.
But I think that Alex also needs to see that there is more than one way to think, more than my husband and I can offer him in our little family. He needs to know that other people believe differently than we do on many topics, and that it is a good thing they do. He needs to be exposed to different personalities, different ethnicities, different ways of speaking. We do our best to ensure that he is protected from those who would be harmful to him, but not to the point of sheltering him from the very things that will make him an individual. We don't want a little clone of us. We want him to grow up his own man, and a man who is empathetic, open-minded, and independent.
We are raising our son, even if we can't stay home with him every day. It will be a great day when people stop asking working parents why they had kids if they are not going to raise them. We all know that will never happen, but we can wish. :-)
And I have answer to how much time is wasted in a typical office every day. A recent study revealed that men waste an average of 2 1/2 hours at work each day, while women waste an average of 3 hours! As you said, imagine what would happen if we could spend those extra 2 1/2 to 3 hours per day with our families!
Since earning my teaching certification over a year and a half ago, I've been seeking a f/t position in education or business with no success. Our state is among the worst economies in the nation. However, my desperation for a f/t job comes from my family's need for health insurance more so than its need for income, as we are able to live decently on our current income. In fact, if my husband's employer offered benefits, we would prefer that I continue working part-time, as we believe it allows for a better quality of life than our family will enjoy with both parents working full-time.