My favorite Bible chapter is Leviticus 15. I am outraged that most current people, who believe every thing in the Bible do not follow this chapter. It specifically states in Leviticus 15:29,30 "And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And the priest shall offer one for a sin offering, and one for a burnt offering: and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the Lord for the issue of her uncleanness."
Do they realize by not following the instuctions given in the Bible they are condeming themselves and will not be able experience the joy of the rapture?
If you are really concerned about saving souls, I think we should make sure our women of this country are following the rules in this chapter. It is much more important than trying to have prayer in schools or putting "under God" in the pledge. I could not find any instruction in the Bible for this. I am calling on everyone to do their duty for Him. It will save our souls.
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Comments: 47
This is so petty. What about: "And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. "
How many women do you know who seclude themselves for seven days a month? I mean, there must be unclean women just wandering willy-nilly amongst clean people all the time. It's enough to give a god-fearing man the shivers. And what about paper cuts ferchrisakes? I mean, the bible just says "issues" and talks about blood.
That does it. I'm never leaving my house again.
I believe it's the Cuckoo-For-Cocoa-Puffs Creed.
Here's some Leviticus that I like:
12:1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
12:2 Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean.
12:3 And in the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised.
12:4 And she shall then continue in the blood of her purifying three and thirty days; she shall touch no hallowed thing, nor come into the sanctuary, until the days of her purifying be fulfilled.
12:5 But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days.
12:6 And when the days of her purifying are fulfilled, for a son, or for a daughter, she shall bring a lamb of the first year for a burnt offering, and a young pigeon, or dove,
for a sin offering, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, unto the priest:
12:7 Who shall offer it before the LORD, and make an atonement for her; and she shall be cleansed from the issue of her blood. This is the law for her that hath born a male or a female.
12:8 And if she be not able to bring a lamb, then she shall bring two turtles, or two young pigeons; the one for the burnt offering, and the other for a sin offering: and the priest shall make an atonement for her, and she shall be clean.
For true Christians who follow the Bible, it is not a good idea to have girl babies. It sounds almost as if it is a sin to have either a boy or a girl, but having a girl is definitely worse.
Hell yeah! Make the old lady explain to the kids why the priest sacrificed thier pets. Especially while every other mom was rushing to the pet store to replace those sacrifices before little Johnny got home.
I wasn't...but should I?
20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
20:27 A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.
19:19 Ye shall keep my statutes. Thou shalt not let thy cattle gender with a diverse kind: thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed: neither shall a garment mingled of linen and woollen come upon thee.
Here's a nice one. If you "lie with" your slave(!), she is punished but you are forgiven.
19:20 And whosoever lieth carnally with a woman, that is a bondmaid, betrothed to an husband, and not at all redeemed, nor freedom given her; she shall be scourged; they shall not be put to death, because she was not free.
19:21 And he shall bring his trespass offering unto the LORD, unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, even a ram for a trespass offering.
19:22 And the priest shall make an atonement for him with the ram of the trespass offering before the LORD for his sin which he hath done: and the sin which he hath done shall be forgiven him.
And with that I will quit dominating this thread.
Sorry...I got carried away.
Galations 6:7
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
Galations 6:13 is better.
For neither they themselves who are circumcised keep the law; but desire to have you circumcised, that may glory in your flesh.
Make sure all the women you know have plenty of young pigeons. Your soul depends on it. God Bless
Bert, the quote about the man lying with the man is where people get the BS about homosexuality being wrong. But they should sacrifice their slave woman.
Thanks for reminding us how crazy that stuff is.
Listen, any religion that lets a woman take seven days off a month is FINE BY ME!!! Of course, I'm post-menopausal, but my boss doesn't need to know that when I call in unclean, now does he?
Bert - I agree. 'Works of literature' and some quite inspired.
I am speechless.
bob J. scares me...
Travis, that was one of the best comments ever.
I actually thought more people would attack this. My faith in humanity is almost restored.
Actually, after some more thought I am not speechless. This comment has all the qualities of high literary art. It is pathetic, hilarious, it has irony...and definitely satire.
Ok, you literary geniuses...top THAT!!!