He's Coming Soon! To a Theater Near Me!!

 This modest little flyer was found in my (Jewish) podiatrist’s office, amidst the copies of Esquire, Rod and Gun, Modern Maturity and a pile of similarly unrelated publications.  Just lying there, virtually unnoticed!  How can this not be an international headline?  A scheduled appearance by The Savior himself in one small Florida landfill community!   Why was this earth-shattering event not heralded by trumpets and hosannas from on high?  Why isn’t everyone on bended knee, preparing for his arrival?  Why was this news left for a rabid atheist to find and publicize!   Talk about Mysterious Ways! 

It should be noted that ticket prices ($20-$24 apiece) are listed on the back of this notice, along with a map to the “Gospel Productions” venue.  (As my mother might have said, “This is a place to throw a rapture?”) Further notes indicate that tickets are non-refundable and non-exchangeable (sounds pretty unforgiving to me) and that lunch and dinner are available at an additional cost.  I wonder how much loaves and fishes are going for these days?  Do you suppose manna will be served for dessert? 

Oh, the questions that arise in contemplation of this miraculous occurrence!  Like, to whom do the proceeds go?  Why does he need two weeks to make an appearance?  Why will he be here for only two weeks?  When and where is his next scheduled engagement?  What is the purported message of the flyer's “cracked stone” effect?  Who knew there was a Performing Arts Center in Hudson? 

My mind is beyond boggled.  I’m going to lie down now; wake me for the curtain call.